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The Shallows

Surfgirl gets terrorized by shark

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-07-2017
7.5

Gorgeous to look at, with really decent shark terror as well

This is beautifully shot and was made with much finesse. At times, the imagery of the ocean feels like living paintings. Acting and thrills are also good, making this one of the better sharks movies out there.
7.5

Blair Witch (2016)

Armed with 7 million camera's, a brother sets of to find his sister who disappeard in the cursed woods

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-07-2017
6.5

The formula is still scary, but you start to look through it

This felt scary but over-familiar, and the realism achieved by the found footage started to feel very unrealistic instead. I mean who the hell carries this many cameras and shoots this much at these insane moment? Kudos though, for some of the actors enacting deep deep fear in the finale.
6.5

Despicable me 3

Despite setbacks, Gru is trying hard not to go back into crime. But then he finds out he has a brother

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-07-2017
7.5

Full of good things

It was quite heavy on sub stories and plots, risking convolution and hysteria. But luckily it manages to stay on the good side of things, keeping everything on rails and delivering colorful, whack fun and expanding on the franchise's unique humor, graphics and (80s!) vibe.
7.5

Ichi The Killer

A ganster mob routine of torturing and killing people gets disrupted by a mysterious killer that leaves the rooms soaked in blood and guts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-08-2017
6.5

A torture movie for research rather than enjoyment

I actually got used to the torture scenes of amputations and various acts with sharp objects. I actually became somewhat interested in, and empathized with, the mysterious killer. But mostly I still felt sick and depressed rather than amused after watching this.
6.5

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and Lauraline are asked to help save a giant space station, but discover a dark secret along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-08-2017
7

Beautifull, wonderfully sassy but utterly convoluted

For the first half I was able to just let the crazy bubbly actors and colorful nonsense be and enjoy the ride. But after she stuck her head in the jellyfish, he watched a strip show to gain access to a transformation suite, I got tired and bored of the endless barrage of convoluted STUFF going on.
7

Swiss Army Man

A lost and stranded guy finds a corpse on the beach, who's 'special powers' and friendship help him to make the journey home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-08-2017
6.5

Just because it's unique doens't mean I like farts

I guess there's points for originality and it sort of works in it's own special way, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being pranked into watching someone's bizarre fart joke fantasies.
6.5

Videodrome

In a search for something new for an adult channel, the proucers finds out about what appear to be mysterious snuff movies.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-08-2017
6.5

A fine dose of Cronenberg, but he did better later on

It has the the signature Cronenberg oddities and a sense of irresistible filth to it. But it feels kind of old, clumsy and slow by today's standards. Some of the imagery in this movie came back in later work that I found more complete and better executed.
6.5

Brain Dead / Dead Alive

An exotic rat bite turn the dead into zombies. An dorky man and his girlfriend fight them with all their might.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
7

A classic, but has lost some impact over the years

It reached new levels of splatter-gore when it came out, and it still is quite a bloodbath today. The humorous tone helps to make the somewhat campy effects acceptable, but prevents it from becoming really scary or gross.
7

Sully

On the miracle emergency plane landing on the Hudson where everyone walked away

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
6.5

Over dramatized

The landing appears faithfully recreated and was thrilling to see, but the events surrounding it felt over dramatized. Also, the research committee seemed strangely angry and eager to discredit the pilot's doings, and almost started crying when they couldn't. What??
6.5

Dunkirk

On the rescue efforts to save thousands of soldiers are trapped in Dunkirk in WW2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
8.5

A superb movie that makes you anxious to get off that beach too

Has a unique atmosphere, with a focus not so much on horror but more on the continuous ominous threat. The imagery on seas, land and in the air is outstanding, and I must also mention the extraordinary music that makes you tremble with fear for almost the entire movie.
8.5

Life on the Road

David Brent goes touring with his band, hoping for a breakthrough and a recorddeal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-09-2017
7.5

I you love to hate him, you'll love this

Maybe not quite as unbearable as The Office, this movie still provides a fresh dose of the self-torture, cringing, laughing, shame and gasping that come with watching this man at work.
7.5

Passage to Mars

A documentary about an journey across the Arctic with a prototype vehicle (strangely a Humvee?) as a preparation for a journey to mars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-09-2017
7

Good but relies on tricks

I have mixed feelings about the constant voice over. There are only so many ways to depict a driving car, so they desperately needed to alternate with the shots of Mars, which, while atmospheric, felt a bit like cheating. It managed to keep me interested though.
7

Mine

After a compromised mission, a soldier hears a mine arm under his feet, leaving him standing pined-down, helpless all alone in the desert

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-09-2017
6

Overreached

A courageous idea that requires a level of acting and screenplay that this movie unfortunately does not have. Near the end it derails in a swamp of endless cliched flashbacks and emotional scenes that had me begging for it to stop.
6

Teleios

A spaceship docks with a distant spacestation to retrieve a mysterious cargo

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-09-2017
3

The costumes, my god, the costumes!

I think I needed about 7 attempts to watch this all the way through. It is so goofy and off that I thought it would turn into a spacemovie parody, only to realize in horror they are for real. The rest of it is just painfully boring and features a crew wearing the ugliest costumes of all time.
3

Mother!

In an isolated house, a woman struggles with her husband's increasing tendency to have strangers stay over, up until extreme and paranormal levels (this description probably sucks, you tell me!)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-09-2017
8

A different kind of horror

A reminder that horror and unrest can come in many shapes, not just ghouls and ghosts. A disturbing but very engrossing experience which I thought was fresh, well acted and intense. It felt great to see a movie again that sticks with you and leaves a goddamn impression.
8

Doctor Strange

After cripling his hands in a car accident, a cocky surgeon seeks help in a mysterious Tibet cult where he gets involved in interdimensional wars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-10-2017
7

Scores in many fields but not in depth or true excitement

This superhero flick features some colorful and original footage, a healthy dose of - sometimes poorly timed - humor and fighting amidst awesome transforming cities that put Interception to shame. But despite the deep multidimensional theme, I found it strangely shallow and one-dimensional.
7

Sausage Party

Adult animation about groceries in a supermarket that find out what happens to them when they are chosen

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-10-2017
6

Funny idea with too little good jokes

I was thinking we need more animation with adult humor and themes, but unfortunately this is not quite it. The story is whack, but it simply lacks good material and jokes. It almost seems odd how one can think of a story like this and then make it not funny.
6

Rings

More people watch the cursed video

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-10-2017
4

Lazy

What a terrible, lazy sequel compared to the terrifying original. Half of it is a rehash of the original and the other half a contrived attempt to make sense of sequel in the first place. Cheap jumpscares, generic adolescent actors and even the music sounds uninspired.
4

Ninjago

The green ninja is having daddy issues, so he and his team venture into the jungle to find the ultimate ultimate weapon to defeat him

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-10-2017
7

Unbalanced

These LEGO movies will deliver the frantic action and fun, but I found it an unbalanced with a restless first half and then too much over-emotional scenes in the second one. But who am I? My son rated it 9.5.
7

Spawn

Killed assassin makes a deal with the devil to lead his army with new superpowers, and in return he may see his wife again

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2017
7

Not brilliant, but has plenty of tricks to make it work

People weren't to keen on this comic adaptation, but I am quite ok with it. There's a special kind overacting that seems just right for a movie like this, I liked the dark theme and some of the fx, the clown is just awesome and the movie simply entertains.
7

Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

It's not just bugs that run over Mars, but an evil politician tries to destroy the entire planet - inhabitants included. Troopers to the rescue.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2017
4

Ruined by the characters

Some of it looks dated, some of it looks quite good, some action scenes I liked. But it's all in vain, because of the ultra cheesy, cringe worthy characters that make it feel like a Powerrangers episode... but not in a good, satirical way like the original managed to pull of.
4

A Cure for Wellness

Businessman is sent to retrieve a colleague from a mysterious and remote mental institute

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2017
8

Pretty mystery

Not the full-on horror movie the trailers would have you believe, but more a mystery with supernatural elements. I quite liked it. It has beautiful imagery and the unfolding mystery kept me interested all the way.
8

Colossal

A woman finds that, at certain locations and moments, she is the monster invading Korea. That's right folks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2017
6.5

Great idea with little energy in it

The mad story is a joy and pleasantly stubborn. Execution and actors were fine, there just was something very low-energy about it all, that prevented it from becoming as great as the idea itself. The biggest surprise for me was actually the intense acting displayed by Jason Sudeikis.
6.5

Prityazhenie (Attraction)

A spaceship crashlands in Russia

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2017
6.5

part fresh , part meh

I was quite impressed with the fresh sights and sounds at first. But then the story collapsed, the army's plan was apparently to just drive around forever so it was up to some annoying street kids to handle this event. Meh.
6.5

Dummie de Mummie en de tombe van Achnetoet

After a Dutch children's book, in which a family takes their fostered mummy-son to Egypt so he can find his roots

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2017
6.5

A save harmless watch for the kids

A mellow, save and relaxed story with some adventure and giggles but nothing too crazy.
6.5

Blade Runner: Final Cut

Blade Runner is an agent hunting down hard to spot rogue androids

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-11-2017
7.5

A classic that is a little too slow for it's own good

A moody and stylish scifi movie that defined the standard for shaping futuristic dark cities and matched it with a great soundtrack. I like how it takes time for everything, including people simply going from A to B, but near the end the slow pacing isn't quite rewarded by the underwhelming climax.
7.5

The Shadow Effect

Guy keeps dreaming he's doing violent assisinations... but are they dreams?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-11-2017
6

Only just above B level

It's a decent idea and the main actors do their best, but the movie is just not there. Some of the scenes and acting are awkward, editing is clunky, and chasing scenes were missing out on tension.
6

Blade Runner 2049

A more advanced android hunts down the older models, finding out things he wasn't supposed to along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-11-2017
8.5

Ladies and gentlemen: a sequel that's better than the original

It's got the same visual style but vastly more beautiful and elaborate. It's got the same synth-music but it is thicker and more intense. It's still a slow mover but more engrossing while doing so. It's got similar story elements but it's deeper. So like, it's better!
8.5

Bokeh

Two lovers on a vaction in Iceland one day wake up to find they're all alone

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-12-2017
6.5

Sympathetic and pretty, but runs out of fuel

Starts of fine with beautiful shots of Iceland, moody music, sympathetic actors and by keeping everything small and intimate. But gradually, the 'pretty scenes with music' start to feel like pointless fillers, and I think it tried to say something religious but I am not sure what.
6.5

V/H/S aka VHS

A collection of stories, glued together by a horry story, involving various videorecordings of horrific events .Though not all on VHS it seems.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-12-2017
7.5

Loud noise but plenty to make up for it

The hard, restless cuts and loud music can be a bit much, but I did think they have a unique mood going on, there are enough memorable shock moments. And what really struck me was the natural and believable acting throughout, which made the entirely adolescent cast bearable for once.
7.5

Other Life

Scientist invents memory injections, but when it is used against her the line between real and artificial memory starts to blur

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017
4.5

Lifeless

Nothing wrong with the idea, but it is let down by the miscasted lead playing the cocky, cold emo-scientist. The story is also annoyingly vague, and not in the intriguing, mind-bending way I was hoping for. A few days after watching this, my wife asked how it ended and I had no idea what to say.
4.5

The Mummy

Modernday thief digs up a mummy that wasn't supposed to be found, for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017
4.5

Underperforms in many fields

A surprisingly boring flick that feels like it was made ten years too late and does a lot of things wrong. I was especially annoyed by the humorless role of the female interest, it never got scary or tense and it severely lacked some good music.
4.5

Somnus

The crew of a spaceship are in danger when the board computer turns rogue

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-12-2017
3.5

Slow and bad looking

The atmosphere and some of the interior design were promising. But soon it dwells into endless, static conversations, misguided and pointless scenery (what were those jellyfish? What's with the train?) and increasingly worse visuals. With that creature on asteroid-city, they seemed to have given up.
3.5

The Great Wall

Fortune seekers looking for gun powder find out what the Great Wall of China was protecting against

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2017
6

A popsicle

It tries to dazzle with colorful combat suits and pretty scenery, but the fighting and action is so over the top silly that it fails in doing so. It is impossible to take it seriously and therefore this flirt with potentially profound Chinese folklore is merely a quick sugar fix.
6

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

The last of the rebellion is being hunted down, so they need Skywalker to bring them hope. And a lot of other stuff besides.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2018
7

Too much?

Despite a couple of awesome scenes and a praiseworthy new tone and style, I felt underwhelmed. I am getting tired of some of the star wars ways, the casino sidestory was awful, I didn't like Luke and I was bored during the endless contemplating of the force and good and evil. It's getting too much.
7

The Ones Below

Happy and pregant couple has dito neighbours living below them, but things get vaul when those neighbours loose their baby

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-01-2018
7

Good

A very decent, well acted and engrossing thriller with a good built-up.
7

The Call-Up

Some gamers are invited to play a game in a lifesize simulated environment. It's all fun and games, until people actually die.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-01-2018
4.5

No twist?

I liked how it was all set up and some of the music in the beginning. But soon enough it is evident that the actors or screenplay are below par. But what bugged me the most is that they missed the opportunity to add some double layers and twists into the story, of which I can easily think of some.
4.5

Enter the Void

Smalltime drug dealer in Tokyo experiences after death experience and reincarnation... while on drugs

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2018
8

What a trip

I am assuming this is about the closest you can get to tripping out (or dying) in beautiful Tokyo without doing any drugs. The camera work, images an music are really extraordinarily done and it treats the 'expected' after-death events in a sort of believable way. Very long though.
8

Camera Obscura

Predictive murders show up on a depressed man's vintage camera. How far will he go to prevent them?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-01-2018
6.5

Good idea delivered somewhat plainly

It's got a great story and almost reels in that 'low budget doesn't matter when you have good ideas and actors' vibe. But I found it lacking that extra touch and sharpness. It ends up somewhat tame and slow. Some of the horrific scenes somehow left me cold.
6.5

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

One man can claim the magic sword and challenge the evil king

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2018
7

Watch out for splinters

At times a majestic and grandiose movie that definitely has it's moments, but also has some distracting dissonants like the weird fast paced conversations and inconsistent character of Arthur himself. Sometimes he was sincere, sometimes a goofball. It failed to latch on, already I am forgetting it.
7

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Amidst action and chases, Peter finds his dad. But a great danger lurks for the guardians and the universe.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2018
7.5

Bursting with life

It's almost impossible not to fall for the groovy atmosphere, ultra saturated colors, fantastic designs, wonderful scenery and continuous wisecracks. It was clearly made with heaps of faith and love for this universe, and I salute them. But a deep, engrossing adventure it is not.
7.5

Turist

After a man's unheroic behavior during an avalanche, both the skiing vacation and relationship with his family is falling apart

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-02-2018
7.5

Intriguing and very well acted

It beautifully showed how this single event was slowly infecting and spreading like disease in their marriage, courtesy of the textbook acting and gentle pacing and camera work. One of those movies I didn't plan on watching, but couldn't stop once I did.
7.5

The Cloverfield Paradox

A spacestation desperately tries to harvest a new type of energy for a dying earth, but accidently triggers multiverse dimension stuff in doing so

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-02-2018
6.5

Tries to mask a flat execution with random dimensional thingies.

An awesome premise but lackluster execution with slightly dull actors ultimately no good script. The dimension stuff that happens feels arbitrary, like they just threw in 'weird stuff'. I was constantly like Why did they... why would that.... that doesn't even.... And WHAT WAS THE PARADOX?
6.5

Ip Man

The (true?) story of a Kung Fu master who stood up against the Japanese during ww2.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2018
6.5

Good and bad things from China

It's not always an easy watch because of that painful Chinese overacting and slapstick performances that make it feel like a farce. But as the war begins, the colors fade and gradually it strikes a more serious and interesting tone, and the elaborate superfast kung fu keeps it afloat.
6.5

Samsara

A collage of scenes from around the world, loosely connected by the theme of the circle of live

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2018
6.5

Easy

It's a marathon of non-stop pretty wallpapers for your desktop. There's no mistaking the outstanding visuals and suitable music, but simply sticking it together also felt like an easy win. Perhaps some more courage or risks would have helped.
6.5

Armadillo

Documentary team joins a Danish military squad in Afhanistan up close

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-02-2018
7.5

Nice guys in a gripping documentary

The action is not the usual Hollywood mayhem, but the notion that it is real makes even single bullets shot very intense indeed. Courageously filmed, it is a unique peak into what it must have been like. These Danish guys seem alright to me.
7.5

War for the Planet of the Apes

Failing to live a retreated live in the woods, the apes seek revenge after humans kill one of them too many

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-02-2018
7.5

Not as good as the preceeding parts, but still fine

It is dark and slightly depressing, it is kind of slow at times and the music sounded simplistic and almost unfinished to me. So all in all less successful than the previous parts. But there's still heaps of impressive and sympathetic apes working together and fighting intense encounters.
7.5

Geostorm

Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2018
4.5

All things wrong with big Hollywood productions

A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.
4.5

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman decides to leave the secluded live with the amazones and help out in the human world war, thinking that war God Ares is behind it all

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-02-2018
7

Better than other superhero movies but still not very exciting

I liked this better than most superhero movies. It looks crisp, some of the fighting is nicely choreographed and shot, characters are sort of likeable and it isn't as hysteric or over the top as the others. But like most superhero movies, it struggles to reach deeper or really leave an impression.
7

V/H/S 2

Here's more bloody horror stories caught on tape

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-03-2018
6

lacks inspiration

It sticks with the formula and delivers a healthy dose of blood and horror, but this time it felt less inspired and original. Some scenes started dwelling and had me going: get on with it! Also, the alien story was out of place and out of touch.
6

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