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Sous La Seine (Under Paris)

There's a shark in the Seine, a scientist being ignored, an ignorant major and some tiktok kids making things worse

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-06-2024
5

Why so serious

The main problem is that it takes it's premise rather seriously, which makes all illogical, nonsensical and sometimes preposterous events stick out like a rusty nail. So now it's neither tense shark horror nor a fun spoof.
5

John Wick Chapter 4

To really break free from his curse of violence, John must challenge a higher up member of the table

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2024
7

An even bigger dose of the same. I am slowly checking out.

With the familiar stylistics, even longer John Wick style fighting, and some memorable scenes, this should satisfy the fans. For me personally, I am not sure I was really excited by it because it is so excessive, and the way the bad guys wait with shooting, or miss, or both, is getting conspicuous.
7

Girl House

A woman decides to work in a house loaded with camera's for online viewers, but one viewer is evil and knows where the house is....

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2024
6.5

Decent idea worthy of better execution.

After some snappy titles, a surprisingly strong backstory of the killer, the quality kind of plummets. The main character seems miscasted (I didn't buy her taking up this job), the tension is half baked and the slashing is all a bit so-so. Everything being broadcasted is a nice idea though.
6.5

Prospect

Two space people go to a planet to collect some precious goods, end up having to cooperate with enemies in order to leave the planet again

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-06-2024
6.5

Almost a gem showing budget is secundary. Almost.

While the movie clearly shows a limited budget, some cool space graphics, a well directed landing scene, the future retro space suits and the overall dreamy vibe all generate an interesting atmosphere indeed. A slightly more exciting and tight script could have made it a hidden gem indeed.
6.5

Constellation

An astronaut survives an accident in the ISS, but once back on earth things don't seem to be the same. Not exactly.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-06-2024
7.5

Great scifi puzzler

I quite liked these series, as they successfully mix time/dimensional trickery, science fiction, quantum oddities, a dash of horror and some interesting characters played by great actors. It's looking good and the weirdness is pleasing while never becoming convoluted.
7.5

Masters of the Air

About the '100th' bombardment group during the ww2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-06-2024
6.5

Ultimately a disappointment

I found it hard to connect with the characters, who come across over-scripted, over-directed and over-concerned with being handsome. I got tired of the bar scenes where they are clever and witty, and it all comes across as a bit thin, uninspired and done better elsewhere. Even the flight scenes.
6.5

Atlas

A mech army goes to a distant planet to take down a rogue AI droid threatening the world

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-06-2024
6.5

Enjoyable brainless action

There are quiet a few problems with this over-the-top flick. Most notably the main character, who is either written weird, played weird, or both. But I have to say, as scifi action pulp I found it quite entertaining and good looking, and it features some of the best mech scenes I know.
6.5

April 9th

A Danish military squad on bicycles is facing impossible odds when Germany attacks Denmark during worldwar two.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-06-2024
7

A remarkable and effective war story

I found this movie quite effective. The way the soldiers, on their bicycles with a handful of bullets, confront armored tanks almost elicits pity, and the plain way is is shot makes it feel pure and non-sensationalist. Too bad the emotional connection with the guys remains limited.
7

Suitable Flesh

A psychiatrist comes into contact with a boy who seems to contain an evil spirit looking for more host bodies

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-05-2024
3.5

Embarrassing

A movie that feels so terribly out of date in terms of feel, screenplay and acting that it becomes embarrassing to look at. I read somewhere that it is meant as an ode to 80s mystery shows. Perhaps that would have won me over if the script was worthwhile, but it is not.
3.5

Slaughterhouse Slumber Party

A new girl joins the slumberparty of a group of friends, but she brings dark secrets with her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-05-2024
6.5

There's fun at the bottom end

A preposterous and abysmal movie in every way imaginable, but they made it anyway and somehow that makes it work. I gradually started to dig the humor and puns, and actually had a decent time. Be warned though - after watching this you may conclude that there's something wrong me as well.
6.5

The Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

When his clanmembers are taken hostage by other apes, a remaining member needs help of a human to get them back

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-05-2024
7.5

An impressive sidequest in the franchise

This time it's a more personal, intimate an detailed story that still fits well in the franchise. It's all very solid en striking, and my emotional involvement with CGI apes was quite remarkable... albeit still not way up there.
7.5

Immaculate

Girl becomes nun but finds a horrible secret about the monastry

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-05-2024
6.5

Not a rip-off, but not really impactful either

Aside from some lesser jump-scares, this movie manages to more or less set up it's own atmosphere and personality. It's quite sober and pure, and the lead actress does a good job. Unfortunately, it doesn't get really scary or through provoking, and it is unable to reap the creepiness of religion.
6.5

Sentinel

Three spacewarriors timetravel to earth to defeat a sentinel lurking there

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-05-2024
3.5

Boring and confusing spacepulp

There is some stuff in here that I thought was okay-ish, but this still is a C-class bottom shelve product. The boring and confusing screenplay (which made me doze of several times), the hopeless dialogues and the disjointed (stock?)music are just some of the problems.
3.5

Mandy

When his wife is violently murdered by hippie reli psychos, the man takes revenge

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-05-2024
6.5

A revenge trip low on script

It really is a rather straightforward revenge story, but it is presented with a trippy and artistic flair that gives it depth and some relevance. The usage of animation was really interesting but seemed underdeveloped. More story would have made this better.
6.5

Bodkin

A team of of 3 distinct personalities goes to an irish village to make a true crime podcast about dissappeared locals

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-05-2024
6

A bold and quirky detective, just not for me

These series should win a lot of fans, with a remarkable lighthearted vibe, quirky characters and plenty of small-town detective-work. For me personally, I just wasn't thrilled by it. Everything was too unlikely, convenient and too written out for that. I am not even sure I liked everyone.
6

Spaceman

An astronaut on a solo mission has a hard team dealing with a breakup with his wife, but then gets a very special friend to help him through

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-05-2024
7

A warm and unique spacemovie about relationships

This is probably the exact philosophical, dreamy, oddball, puzzling and emotional relationship movie it needs to be and wants to be. My slight desire for a bit more juice is probably misplaced.
7

Kandahar

When his secret mission is exposed, a CIA operative and his guide must make it out of Afghanistan when all extremists groups in existence come after him

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-05-2024
7

Decent, but outclassed by a slightly similar movie

The developing relationship between the man and his guide reminded my of the movie 'The Covenant', but I was less moved or convinced by this one. Likewise, the action and thrills are sufficient for an exciting watch, but also less slick and less nail-biting than said movie.
7

Even Horizon

A space rescue team heads out for a mysterious spaceship that suddenly reappears after having been lost, coming back from a dark and unknown place.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-05-2024
7.5

A horror scifi classic

After re-watching this classic, I found it was a bit goofy at times, and the story, despite the deep theme, was actually quite plain: they want to get on the ship, then they want to get off. However, this still is one of the best and most entertaining combinations of horror and scifi you can find.
7.5

Cosmic Sin

When extraterrestrial live is discovered, a team goes to another planet to neutralize the threat, bringing an old veteran with them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-05-2024
3.5

crappy

I knew this was crappy ,but I was hoping it would turn into some amusing goofball entertainment. But is really was just crappy, with long tiresome dialogues ("They may very well be alive, but highly unlikely"), gutless combat and no real sense of being in the future.
3.5

Land of Bad

The succes of a dangerous rescue mission relies heavily on the supporting drone operators

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-04-2024
7.5

Flawed but effective war action

I thought the main hero was a bit of a dissonant cardboard pretty boy, and the uninterested, TV watching ground support team was just preposterous. Other that that, it still is a tense, heart pounding movie, in a way that only war movies seem to tickle me.
7.5

Paradise

In a future where people can sell years of their live for money, allowing the rich to get younger, a couple gets caught in a web

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-04-2024
6.5

A fair but plain future crime story

A fine futuristic crime story providing adequate friday-evening entertainment. I did find everything was a bit plain, lacking energy or a really tight script. It needs a better, less generic title too.
6.5

Taeter City

In a future where criminals are turned into burgers, people hunt for an individual who seems immune to the controlling radiowaves. Or something.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-04-2024
7

A bizarre gore anarchy

Initially I was wondering if there was going to be any point to this, but gradually the continuous very gory executions, set against this totalitarian society with continuous advertisement for human meat.... somehow began to work. Very rebellious and sickening. For some, that is a plus.
7

Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver

The assembled squad must now defend the farmers against the evil space people

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-04-2024
6.5

A failure with some nice looking stuff here and there

In the end there was some satisfying space warfare porn, and I like how this movie has it's own distinct look. But other than that this is such a strange failure. 100% flat characters, cringy lines, kitschy slowmotion scenes of grain harvesting, and an overall sluggishness woven throughout it all.
6.5

Cryo

People wake up - prematurely? - from their cryo tubes and need to find out who's who and what's happening

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-04-2024
4.5

Nice story. Now what we need is a good script.

The premise, including the twist at the end, is decent enough. It's just so dull, long and low budget that I was struggling to stay awake.
4.5

Stopmotion

A woman tries to complete the stopmotionfilm of her dying mother, leading her into a surreal trip where the movie becomes part of real life

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-04-2024
7

An original and pretty good horror

There can be something eerie about many stop motion films, so using it as the basis for a horror is an exciting move. It is well done with stylish and moody imaginary and a good doze of surrealism. Halfway through though, the curve flattens as it sort of goes to autopilot. Still, nice little find
7

Imaginary

Family is confonted with an evil imaginary friend of the youngest daughter

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-04-2024
4

A great idea planted in fruitless soil

What a fantastic idea to make horror about imaginary friends. Unfortunately, this movie had just one moment that impressed me. The rest is a formulaic affair with a badly acting daughter, some stupid lines an characters, missed opportunities and a generic trademark Blumhouse horrormovie feel to it.
4

Dune: Part Two

Paul joins the Fremen on Arakis. Some say he is the chosen one to lead their cause.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-04-2024
8

An epic epic

This part spends more time on the characters and the tribe rituals, but there is also epicness in large quantities, making this a massive joy to simply experience. But I have to say, there's still something preventing it from truly knocking your socks off.
8

Insidious: The Red Door

Father and son forgot their trauma through hypnosis, but when the son goes to college, the past comes back.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-04-2024
4

Uninspired and uncapable

An utterly uninspired attempt to do some more with this franchise. It looses any creepiness early on, only to continue with a tiresome, slow and predictable waste of time.
4

Pi

A man obsessed with numbers looses his mind where he tries to find patterns in both the stock exchange and the Tora

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-04-2024
7

A pleasant fix of gloomy weirdness

I wonder if it's just because of the black and white that it reminded me of Eraserhead? Or was it also the sweaty claustrophobic cinematography, the insanity and otherworldlyness of it all? Who knows. It's a cult niche thing, but a worthy one for sure.
7

3 Body Problem

When science appears to be broken, a group of scientists discover an amazing upcoming event causing it

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-04-2024
7.5

Not perfect, but loaded with plenty of scifi perks

There were quite a few elements that I found a bit of-putting - mainly that this world cataclysmic event only seemed to occupy a small group of befriended people - but this did not take away from the fact that it is a highly enjoyable scifi epic, loaded with strange stuff and enticing mystery.
7.5

Creepozoids

A group of deserted soldiers (?) in a post nucelar world hide in a lab, but there even bigger dangers await

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2024
6.5

A bad movie the way I like 'em

Poor effects, attacking rat puppets that move only because the actors handles them, a nonsensical story, unnecessary nudity and people running through the same hallways over and over. And that's just for starters. But it's all quite quirky and amusing.
6.5

Galaxy of Terror

A rescue mission to a crashed spaceship makes the rescue crew face their deepest fears

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2024
7

A poor but amusing alien clone

Even if it is nowhere near as good, it steals a lot of scenery and creepiness form Alien, which is okay with me. It really is a poor-mans version of said movie, but in a fun and sympathetic way, and it manages to bring in some memorable scenes of it's own.
7

Deep Fear

A sailor rescues two shiprecked people, which leads into an ordeal of crime and shark invested waters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-03-2024
3.5

Another crap shark movie

When the lead is a pumped up bimbo with spot-on make-up even after two deepdives, shot in numerous preposterous shots to show her curves, a movie is pretty much lost. Add crappy acting and a poor script and it becomes hopeless. Two shark attack scenes were surprisingly ok compared to the rest of it.
3.5

Animalia

As a woman struggles to get back to her husband, strange things happen to the world around her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-03-2024
7.5

A beautiful mystery

The things are in fact quite vague, and I am not even sure I understand what was happening. But somehow is doesn't really matter. It is a journey of believable, interesting people that grabs and enchants you, without knowing where it is going.
7.5

Kung Fu Panda 4

While in search for a succesor, the panda must face his most formidable foe(s) yet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-03-2024
7

The secret ingredient was missing

One of those curious cases where everything seems to be in place, yet still something's not quite right, and you can't pinpoint what it is. It is made just fine, but I had trouble getting into it, getting exciting by it, and remembering much of it.
7

Alien Invasion

A group of partying kids accidentaly hatch an alien and now need to stay alive

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-03-2024
3

Amateur movie without an x factor

Looks like it was put together in a weekend with a bunch of friends who acquired an alien suite. I was looking for some quirks to make this worthwhile still, but was unable to find any. It's hardly an invasion, but perhaps at this level that doesn't even matter.
3

Lovely, Deep and Dark

A ranger wanders through a huge reserve, searching for the many people who went mssing there, and also for something personal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-03-2024
6.5

Another good idea without a strong script to carry it

The was really promising, with something mystical about the woods as she slowly seemed to loose touch with reality. But the script was very minimalist, almost unsure about what the real story was, leaving a somewhat empty feeling and a finale that felt like an desperate attempt to leave a mark.
6.5

No One Will Save You

A girl versus aliens invading her home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-03-2024
7

Mostly a decent home invasion movie

I liked the idea of a single, cute girl in a dress facing such dreadful odds, and it certainly has some strong scenes and moments. After a while though, I thought it became a bit directionless, and the surreal dreamy ending felt slapped on without really knowing what it was supposed to mean.
7

Das Signal

An astronaut dissappears mysteriously after returning to earth. Her husband slowly learns what she discovered in space.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-03-2024
7

A pleasant scif mystery

An amusing scifi thriller with a pleasant mellow atmosphere and enough question marks too keep you attached. Through it's fanatic attempts to deliver unexpected twist, it did become rather far fetched and illogical at times.
7

The Covenant

An American soldier's life in Afghanistan is saved by a local translator, a debt he gets to pay back.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-03-2024
8

Good and gripping

A good war movie with some tense moments, good performances and a gripping story of debt and friendship. I was quite moved by it. Only their perfect aim, especially compared to the Taliban's, was a bit dissapointing.
8

Gods of the Deep

A submarine crew ventures into deep, to enter a portal leading to a place where ancient gods may reside

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2024
3.5

Pulp that almost wins sympathy, but the amateurism was just too much

When you have no budget, is it foolish or courageous to make an underwater movie? Either way, I was tempted to give this fun borderline amateur movie some credit in all it's cheesiness, but the silly story and Numark audio mixer serving as pilot controls were just too distracting.
3.5

Monolith

The host of a radioshow about the unexplained, picks up on a story about mysterious black bricks - a story that comes close to her as well.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-03-2024
7

A decent single location mystery

A risky movie, featuring mostly a single person in a single location, but I thought it succeeded pretty well in setting up an interesting mystery puzzler, with a dash of scifi. There was room for some more intricacies if you ask me, but all in all good job.
7

Eerie

A girl school is haunted. The school psychiatrist (?) tries to find out how this came to be so.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-03-2024
4.5

A tiresome, unscary horror with nothing new to offer

The low saturated colors give this movie a somewhat tight and professional look, but that's just superficial. The truth is that it has only a very loose script and tired cliche horror moments on offer. It really got quite boring and stopped being scary early on.
4.5

The Road

Father and son try to survive in a ravaged world, where all life has died and the last humans have resorted to cannabalism

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-02-2024
7.5

Moving but very comfortless

A very bleak and depressing affair, almost excessively so. You start to wonder if there ought to be some kind of payoff for enduring all of this, but I am not sure there was. But I have to say, I was moved by it.
7.5

Saw X

When fraudulent people take advantage of the SAW mastermind's cancer, he subjects them to his sinister traps

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2024
4.5

Stupid movie that pushed the wrong buttons with me

Were the victims in the previous parts also bad humans, getting what they deserved? I can't remember, but I found it far fetched and dumb. I reached a state of irritation, meaning I also found all these traps ridiculous. I mean how much time would each cost to even set up correctly? I'm out.
4.5

A Ghost Story

After a deadly car accident, a man wakes up as a ghost and dwells in his former house, with his former girlfriend

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-02-2024
8

A unique point of view in a unique movie

The long, sometimes very long, static scenes mean this movie will not be for everyone. But for me, it neatly visualized the endless time ghost exist in, until their unresolved issue is dealt with. I also loved the ghost perspective, and it is quite haunting and even touching at times.
8

The Days

Series about the Fukushima disaster

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-02-2024
6.5

Surely this was more nerve wrecking?

We followed this series with interest, but it felt like it failed to capture the terrifying race against time this must have been. There's a lot of staring, sitting around, hesitation and discussion. An on-point observation about Japanese culture perhaps, but I wonder if it went this way.
6.5

Horsehead

A young woman is plagued with nightmares, and tries to master lucid dreaming to figure it out

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2024
4

A failure

Somewhere in the distance there may be some good intentions, but ultimately this is a failure due to amateuristic direction. It results in loads of random pointless stuff happening for way too long, a lack of a clear story or focus, and not understanding of what makes movies scary.
4

Poor Things

A scientist revives a woman, who then explores the world and herself through the eyes of a child

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2024
8.5

An irresistably bizarre and unqiue movie

A wildly bizarre but incredibly rich movie, that is beautiful to look at, features amazing characters, is surprisingly funny and is simply unlike anything else - without being arrogant about it.
8.5

Occhi Chiusi

A woman is living isolated in the mountains with her daughter, and things get weird. Or something.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-02-2024
6

Not only hard to see, also hard to grasp

With dark and often very closed-up imagery, and depressing and slow flow, it certainly has a ominous and unsettling vibe to it. But I found the story too unclear and vague to make much of it. I am not sure what it was about, and that's not always a good thing.
6

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