BoiledDown.netIf everyone's a critic, then so are we! |
Cocaine Bear
Various people in the woods have to deal with a bear addicted to cocaine
Wittenberg
16-04-2023
Cult is hard
It is going for a cult status with an over the top story, a bit of gore, humor and loads of colorful, quotable characters. But I found none of these components particularly successful, and the pacing seems off as frankly I got quite bored with it.Geostorm
Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better
Wittenberg
23-02-2018
All things wrong with big Hollywood productions
A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.The Call-Up
Some gamers are invited to play a game in a lifesize simulated environment. It's all fun and games, until people actually die.
Wittenberg
07-01-2018
No twist?
I liked how it was all set up and some of the music in the beginning. But soon enough it is evident that the actors or screenplay are below par. But what bugged me the most is that they missed the opportunity to add some double layers and twists into the story, of which I can easily think of some.Occupation Rainfall
On an alien invaded earth, humans and some alied aliens set out find a mysterious rainfall that can save humanity
Wittenberg
03-07-2022
Tiresome scifi bonanza
There's actually some okay stuff here and there: some effects, some scenes, some concepts, some designs. But it's just so bloated and hysteric, like they wanted to include everything they could think of and barf it onto you in an endless stream. Very tiresome.Riddick
After being left for dead on a hostile planet, a ship full of mercenaries is Riddicks's only way off the planet
Wittenberg
15-02-2014
A B-movie in disguise
Non-stop pretty, but also painfully slow, tedious and full of uninspired really poor dialogue. They are too eager to portray Riddick as a mysterious, ubercool, enigmatic hero, instead turning him into an unsympathetic showoff.Cryo
People wake up - prematurely? - from their cryo tubes and need to find out who's who and what's happening
Wittenberg
21-04-2024
Nice story. Now what we need is a good script.
The premise, including the twist at the end, is decent enough. It's just so dull, long and low budget that I was struggling to stay awake.Capsule
Astronaut depens heavily on radiohelp from earth to get his faulty capsule to return home
Wittenberg
06-11-2016
A lot more was required to make it this bold idea work
A bold mov(i)e which almost exclusively shows the astronaut strapped in his seat. But the amateuristic, jumpy astronaut, the repetitious dialogues and unconvincing procedures are way insufficient to make it work. There's a twist at the end, but if you made it that far you'll probably no longer care.Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Man - who is also a burning skeleton motor cyclist - must rescue boy who... ah whatever
Wittenberg
24-02-2013
Burning boredom
If looking at a burning skeleton hero obliterating devil scum is still boring and liveless... something must be wrong.IO
Woman is trying to find cures for a dying world, but an uninvited stranger urges her to join him and catch the last rescue ship into space
Wittenberg
19-01-2019
Sympathetic but very boring
I really tried to get into the flow of this slow-burn movie, as a small, delicate an intimate story about big issues. But boring is boring, and the quasi-meaningful dialogue and cascade of pointless scenes made me yell COME ON too many times.Orphan: First Kill
The woman who looks like a child infiltrates the first home to go for the kill
Wittenberg
28-12-2022
Pointless and boring prequel
Many people were impressed bu apparent plot twist, but I was very bored with this empty shell, and found the acting was quite problematic. Adults acting like children is always so over the top, like they act like a caricature of a generic child. Weird and cringy.The Pope's Excorcist
... does an excorcism
Wittenberg
25-06-2023
By the book
It may try to add some extra's to the genre with the dungeon and what not, but mostly it feels like a textbook exorcism that is so by the book that you wonder why they bothered. Not scary, overacted, not interesting, I almost reached for my phone.Manifest
A plane disappears and reappears, to find that the world has progressed five years and the passengers have not
Wittenberg
06-08-2022
Afwul soap barely kept afloat by a vaguely interesting story
The mysterious event was enticing enough to drag me through the first season, but barely so. The problem is the incredibly soapy style of the actors, cinematography and pacing. Cheesy perfect persons constantly walking into the scene at the right moment to seamlessly join the conversation. Ugh.Ender's Game
A youngster is the chosen one to be trained as spacefleet admiral and repell alien threat
Wittenberg
24-07-2014
Kids in space
These kids are trained for space command by having them play a pointless Harry Potter floating game! This unwatchable movie is full of such nasty face palm moments, burying the sharp looking visuals deep beneath the surface. "He has a complicated response to authority" - who talks like that?Fifty Shades of Grey
Woman falls in love with mysterious and wealthy man, but he has sadomasochistic desires
Wittenberg
17-07-2016
What a turnoff
Mostly a boring soap opera where they speak in Hollywood cliches. Their relationship is ice cold and unconvincing. The woman is confusingly flip flop towards the SM, and the corresponding scenes are bullshit as they kept it 'romantic' and pretty to look at. A feather? Really!?Warning
A bunch of (related?) stories, with perhaps future technology and mankind as a central theme
Wittenberg
28-11-2021
Vague unrewarding stories
Incomprehensible at first, I got some ease of mind when I realized it's just some vague ideas and separate stories glued together in a movie. In itself still a feasible concept, but in here it was just a bit pointless and directionless, without any payoff.Into The Storm
Tornados
Wittenberg
31-12-2014
Cloaked with bad decisions
The question is: can you handle obnoxious teenagers with all kinds of uninteresting teenager problems, an unlikely crew of unlikable people, stiff acting and a pointless handheld camera approach in exchange for a few amusing tornado shots? Well, can you?Movie 43
Teenagers scout the internet for a movie that doesn't exist, taking them through various bizarre movies as they go
Wittenberg
28-01-2014
fascinatingly unfunny
In itself I can see potential in the jokes on offer. But I just gazed at these clumsy, grime and bizarre sketches without laughing once, becoming almost fascinated in the process. It's one of those 'You need the right drug first' movies, but if you find which one, it could be hysterical.Insurgent
In a future where people are living in factions based to their personalities, a group of rebels aim to break these boundaries
Wittenberg
14-02-2016
Can you make it till the end
I am afraid I loathe these 'young adult' future novels as of late. I can't stand these plastic, one dimensional people living in these ridiculous worlds doing unlikely stuff, always looking oh so pretty as they go along. The only savior are the imaginative and classy 'sim' scenes near the end.Cars 2
McQueen and Mater get caught up up in a spionage and racing adventure.
Wittenberg
27-07-2013
Let's put in everything, kids gotta like something
Looking at this through the eyes of my children, I felt exhausted and embarrassed by the loud, hectic and rushed screenplay, overcomplicated story, and Mater shooting miniguns. But there must be something wrong with my eyes because they still seemed to enjoy it.Eerie
A girl school is haunted. The school psychiatrist (?) tries to find out how this came to be so.
Wittenberg
08-03-2024
A tiresome, unscary horror with nothing new to offer
The low saturated colors give this movie a somewhat tight and professional look, but that's just superficial. The truth is that it has only a very loose script and tired cliche horror moments on offer. It really got quite boring and stopped being scary early on.Meg 2: The Trench
More troubles from Megalodons, as well as other beasts that emerged from the depths. And from Russians.
Wittenberg
11-09-2023
This doesn't work for me anymore
Perhaps these movies are actually very hard to make. I mean everything is stupid, dumb, unfunny and manic, and yet still needs the reach the mystical threshold for being 'so bad it's good' or 'uncomplicated popcorn fun'. I, for one, am too grumpy and old for that to work any longer.Magellan
Astronaut on a lone mission to investigate signals suddenly coming from various locations in our solar system
Wittenberg
23-09-2021
Unable to compensate for the little resources it had
An irresistible story and some of the space graphics are not too bad. But they contrast starkly with the amateuristic 'interior' of the spaceship, and the bizarre procedures of the space flight and handling of possible alien artifacts (plastic bag?). I also missed a point or clue to any of it.Silent Hill Revelation
Girl must save her father, who is trapped in a place full of demons
Wittenberg
08-09-2013
Not as scary as it looks
This contains some very moody scenery and genuinely nightmarish footage. But the girl's plan is basically walking from one demon challenge to the next, and the rest of the story is either boring or incomprehensible.A walk among the tombstones
Private detective searching for a bunch of sickos mutilating and killing the loved ones of drug dealers
RockmeNow
24-07-2015
Another movie with Liam Neeson, definitely not one of his best
I am still wondering what the writers were thinking, as well as Liam Neeson reading the script. Watching a goldfish in a fish tank for 114 minutes must be more exciting than this...The 5th Wave
Girl tries to rescue her little brother amidst an alien invasion in 5 waves
Wittenberg
21-08-2016
Derailed
After a reasonable start, it derails in cheesy teenage love stories, unexciting screenplay, annoying army-squads comprising of teenagers and emo's, and sloppy movie making with aliens that conveniently look just like humans.jung_e
A team tries to create the ultimate warrior by recycling a brain into new cyborg bodies, but can't figure out why she keeps underperforming
Wittenberg
27-01-2023
Nothing much to make it work
A bit of a Korean take on Ghost in the Shell, this should interesting. But is is not. The action is utterly unconvincing, and I hated some of the characters who either over-acted or were just cringey and one-dimensional. The story attempts some quasi deep theme's but it all falls flat immediately.Dark Cloud
Traumatized girl gets experimental therapy by being secluded in a house run by an artificial intelligence
Wittenberg
31-07-2022
Too tedious and uneventful
The story is familiar, but one that always seems open for a new interpretation, and it's a story that can work just fine with limited budget like this movie. Unfortunate, this one failed. It is mostly tedious, slow and uneventful, and lacks the philosophical or technological wit to make it deep.Slenderman
Some kids summon slenderman
Wittenberg
17-08-2019
Slenderman deserves better
I really like the slenderman figure and wanted to like this, but the lead actresses don't really convince, and everything is just moving very slowly from one scare to the next, filling up time in a story that feels a bit loose and lacking ideas, and ultimately, never gets really scary.Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum
Found footage from a Korean ghost hunting documentaryteam, who get what they are looking for
Wittenberg
21-01-2024
Scares drowned in annoying team
There is a handful of chilling scenes near the end, but by that time I was too worn-down by the, once again, obnoxious team of selfcontent vloggers. I was getting really tired of the fullscreen close-ups of their sobbing faces, amidst a minimalistic and random story.Synchronicity
Small teams get a timemachine to run work, one of them gets caught up in paradoxes
Wittenberg
17-06-2018
The story is there. Execution is not.
There's probably a really clever, if not somewhat difficult to follow, story in here. But the really lackluster execution, dull performances, suspiciously limited locations and depressing dark colors made me struggle to care... no matter how much bladerunner music they throw in!Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
With inside help, Alice gets a change to destroy the T-virus once and for all
Wittenberg
18-06-2017
Looks alright, feels numb
Much like the previous parts, this looks good and has some creative, vicious beasts on offer. But it also features the same hollow, boring screenplay and empty characters. It feels like a bunch of monster challenges glued together.Nightflyers
The crew on a spaceship, on it's way to make contact with alien lifeforms, finds itself in more and more peril as they come closer
Wittenberg
18-03-2019
These poor series still contain enough mystery to make it worthwhile
So for this monumentally important mission, they assembled the most insecure, insubordinate, fashion-conscious and unstable crew they could find and make them improvise the entire mission in an insanely incoherent way. But apparently I love space mystery so much that I still watched it. All of it.Pacific Rim: Uprising
The monsters have been defeated, but not for long
Wittenberg
03-01-2019
Do you like robot fights?
Listen, I just came here for giant robots smashing huge monsters, and got what I wanted. Never mind that every person in this movie is a ridiculous Hollywood abomination and everything they say and do is stupid as can be, making this essentially a horrible Power Rangers movie with no soul.The Last Full Measure
Pentagon hotshot reluctantly investigates a request for a posthumous medal of honor, and gets more and more involved as he talks to the veterans
Wittenberg
07-09-2020
Overdone
They managed to get a whole bunch a A-list actors giving all they got. But it feels overacted, over dramatized and forced down your throat. The clips during the end scroll demonstrate how veterans ACTUALLY talk. A noble cause for sure, but unnecessarily heavy-handed. Boring, even.Battle Royal
A class of students are placed on an island, and the game is that only one survives
Wittenberg
12-05-2022
A bloodfest turned into snoozefest
I was curious because it was listed somewhere as a real shocker, but the gore is not that bad - less so than many splatter horrors around. Furthermore I don't think I will ever get used to Japanese overacting and drama. The scholars are boring, annoying and their contemplations uninteresting.Monster Hunter
Army ranger accidently winds up in another dimension where she must fight monsters
Wittenberg
21-03-2021
Awesomeness that left me cold
Such a potential premise, such a big budget, yet still so uninteresting and shallow. I thought only the finale back on earth was somewhat badass. The movie seems to look a lot like the game it was based upon, so perhaps fans will get more out of it.Evil Dead Rise
The book of the dead finds it way to a family living in an appartment
Wittenberg
05-06-2023
Uninspired and not scary enough
While it tried to be open minded about it, I did find a hard to have a true Evil Dead vibe without a cabin in the woods. More importantly though, this thing just wouldn't get scary for me, and even bored me at times. It's all a bit uninspired, and most of the characters I didn't care for much.Prisoners of the Ghostland
A convict is chartered to rescue a woman from a mysterious group that is held captive by ghosts. If not he explodes.
Wittenberg
16-12-2021
Weird is not always good
Some pretty colors and scenes aside, this is mostly uncomfortably odd and confusing. You could argue that is to be commended for being different and broken free from the mainstream, but not in a way that I found pleasing.Hungerford
Some roomies/friends try to survice, after space visitors turn everyone into zombies. Good thing one of them was just doing a film project.
Wittenberg
13-11-2020
A minimal found-footage flick with annoying protagonist
I should sympathize with what they managed to create using very little resources, but it really was pretty basic zombie stuff. Some acted pretty good, some were ok, but the main character was a really annoying dude, and I started to despise his constant heavy breathing and drama.Independence Daysaster
Aliens strike from above and below, smalltown folk (and president) scramble into action
Wittenberg
13-04-2014
Bad - but sympathetic and unpretentious
You B-movie you! With your continuous bombastic music blasting over shaky camera shots of people constantly jumping in and out a car! But it's sort of all right, it does what it can. Effects are sufficient. Fair game.Immanence
Scientists go on a boat to sea to investigate possible extraterrestial phenomena.. or is it divine phenomena?
Wittenberg
06-03-2022
The story was there, the rest was not
I usually dig science babble, but coming out of the mouths of these guys it sounded ridiculous. And while the story had potential, I am afraid the execution fell short in many other fields as well. Confusing and weird, in a bad way. Clearly not filmed on sea, disguised by pitch black surroundings.The Phoenix incident
You know those 4 skatedude guys who went missing in Arizona? It was aliens man!
Wittenberg
23-12-2015
Too shaky
Hurah! It's not just found footage; it's loud, noisy and restless shaky footage too. Which makes this mockumentary, shoving a conspiracy down our throat, rather tiresome and lame.Forbidden World
Astronout lands on a base where an alien experiment get out of hand
Wittenberg
17-10-2021
Didn't turn out to be a classic
I watched this old nugget for some nostalgic quirks and perhaps hidden gems, but I am not sure I found them. Sure it has some remarkable nonsense and campy effects, but it's mostly just a bit crappy.The OA
A missing blind girl one day returns with sight, and an amazing story about the afterlife she entrusts to a small group of people
Wittenberg
25-12-2023
Problematic, but the premise may pull you through
Another Netflix endeavor with a mysterious story that is only just able to make you watch the whole thing, but requires you to sit through excruciatingly slow passages and episodes, flat one-trick characters, many dubious plot-points and even some crinche here and there. The twist felt uninspired.The Brothers Grimsby
Lowlife british scumbag finds his long lost brother, and gets involved in his MI6 spy job along the way
Wittenberg
11-12-2016
Unprecentented vulgarities are not enough
Some of the scenes are so unbearably low and vulgar that in itself they could have given this movie some sort of cult status. Unfortunately, the lame action and humorless story surrounding is gets rid of that option.Halo 4: forward unto dawn
Cadets getting trained for combat in the halo universe
Wittenberg
11-08-2013
Mission failed: please try again
What happened? They got great looking props, effects, a spot-on color palette, an exciting Halo playground, and even the warthog. Yet all they came up with are close-ups of whining and insubordinate teenagers, and a minimal story that's still going nowhere.Firestarter (2022)
Girl tries to control and live with her ability to set things on fire, but evil people make her loose her cool
Wittenberg
05-06-2022
Left me cold (that punchline is probably taken)
One of those movies that, on the face of it, looks quite solid and adept, and makes you wonder why you're not enjoying it more. I think her parent's additional paranormal abilities get in the way of an already uninspired and even boring story that fails to ignite. (That's probably also taken.)Fantastic Mr. Fox
Fox and friends engage in a war with local farmers when they steal chickens
Wittenberg
13-11-2021
Did not push my buttons
It looks and feels artistically sound and could please Roald Dahl fans. Personally, I found the puppets not very pleasant to look at and I don't like the storytelling much. It's not outstandingly funny, exciting or clever, I did not know how to process it and even got a bit strangely agitated.Captain America: Civil War
All superhero's turn on each other for some reason
Wittenberg
11-11-2016
More boring and emotionless over the top stuff
In endless talking scenes, which made my son decide to watch something else, all sorts of story-lines from other movies are desperately and uninterestingly brought together. The battles are frantic but boring because noone ever gets hurt. And I still don't care about anyone.Godzilla: King of the Monsters
More huge titan monsters are awoken, and only Godzilla can restore the balance
Wittenberg
09-06-2019
Humans ruined earth AND this movie
Ruined by hollow, cringy and unfunny characters that speak exclusively in kitsch onelines and are monster experts, submarine commanders and anything else that comes their way. The monsters can't save it either, because, while fairly good looking, their fights are hard to follow and uninteresting.Movies found: 1040 | max movies per page: 50 | Showing: 96 - 145
Previous Next