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Meg 2: The Trench

More troubles from Megalodons, as well as other beasts that emerged from the depths. And from Russians.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-09-2023
4.5

This doesn't work for me anymore

Perhaps these movies are actually very hard to make. I mean everything is stupid, dumb, unfunny and manic, and yet still needs the reach the mystical threshold for being 'so bad it's good' or 'uncomplicated popcorn fun'. I, for one, am too grumpy and old for that to work any longer.
4.5

Eerie

A girl school is haunted. The school psychiatrist (?) tries to find out how this came to be so.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-03-2024
4.5

A tiresome, unscary horror with nothing new to offer

The low saturated colors give this movie a somewhat tight and professional look, but that's just superficial. The truth is that it has only a very loose script and tired cliche horror moments on offer. It really got quite boring and stopped being scary early on.
4.5

Orphan: First Kill

The woman who looks like a child infiltrates the first home to go for the kill

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-12-2022
4.5

Pointless and boring prequel

Many people were impressed bu apparent plot twist, but I was very bored with this empty shell, and found the acting was quite problematic. Adults acting like children is always so over the top, like they act like a caricature of a generic child. Weird and cringy.
4.5

Insurgent

In a future where people are living in factions based to their personalities, a group of rebels aim to break these boundaries

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2016
4.5

Can you make it till the end

I am afraid I loathe these 'young adult' future novels as of late. I can't stand these plastic, one dimensional people living in these ridiculous worlds doing unlikely stuff, always looking oh so pretty as they go along. The only savior are the imaginative and classy 'sim' scenes near the end.
4.5

Manifest

A plane disappears and reappears, to find that the world has progressed five years and the passengers have not

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-08-2022
4.5

Afwul soap barely kept afloat by a vaguely interesting story

The mysterious event was enticing enough to drag me through the first season, but barely so. The problem is the incredibly soapy style of the actors, cinematography and pacing. Cheesy perfect persons constantly walking into the scene at the right moment to seamlessly join the conversation. Ugh.
4.5

Saw X

When fraudulent people take advantage of the SAW mastermind's cancer, he subjects them to his sinister traps

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2024
4.5

Stupid movie that pushed the wrong buttons with me

Were the victims in the previous parts also bad humans, getting what they deserved? I can't remember, but I found it far fetched and dumb. I reached a state of irritation, meaning I also found all these traps ridiculous. I mean how much time would each cost to even set up correctly? I'm out.
4.5

Jiu Jitsu

Man with memory loss appearantly is member of a team fighting a (very) Predator-like alien from another dimension

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2021
4.5

Nope. Still a B movie.

With steady reference to a comic book, some boldsy camera work and heaps of crazy martial arts this might have winded up being smirky and fun. But it is mostly tedious and bizarre, and the lead character appears to have been typecasted as a universal B movie karate dork.
4.5

Ahsoka

Ahsoka and apprentice must stop evil warlord from returning from exhile

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-10-2023
4.5

Pretty bad

I liked some of the spaceships, and some characters I like too. But unfortunately, the main characters, Ahsoka (with her unbearable smirk) and Sabine (look at me I am a rebel), were unbearable. Also, poor combat, poor plotline, slow pacing, and even more useless stormtroopers abound.
4.5

Geostorm

Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2018
4.5

All things wrong with big Hollywood productions

A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.
4.5

The Call-Up

Some gamers are invited to play a game in a lifesize simulated environment. It's all fun and games, until people actually die.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-01-2018
4.5

No twist?

I liked how it was all set up and some of the music in the beginning. But soon enough it is evident that the actors or screenplay are below par. But what bugged me the most is that they missed the opportunity to add some double layers and twists into the story, of which I can easily think of some.
4.5

I, Frankenstein

Frankenstein's monster's chosen profession, being alive and all, is demon hunter. Together, with gargoyles!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2014
4.5

Pointless and quite uninteresting

The creation of the monster is briefly told in flashbacks while the opening titles are still running. The fact that he is Frankentein's is hardly relevant. He is basically a strong, civilized dude fighting demons, in a dull and stiff copycat of Underworld and Van Helsing Gothic stylistics.
4.5

Warning

A bunch of (related?) stories, with perhaps future technology and mankind as a central theme

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-11-2021
4.5

Vague unrewarding stories

Incomprehensible at first, I got some ease of mind when I realized it's just some vague ideas and separate stories glued together in a movie. In itself still a feasible concept, but in here it was just a bit pointless and directionless, without any payoff.
4.5

The Black Demon

A family vacation winds up on a decommissioned oilrig with a huge shark patroling the waters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-01-2024
4.5

Lacklustre, even for a a shark movie

For some reason big shark movies get a pass for not being of much quality, but even so this one is a bit problematic. There was a lack of inspiration to do actual sharks scenes, so there's a lot of chatty fillers about the environment and vague folklore. Some subplots even seemed abandoned.
4.5

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

The paranormal detectives try to trace the orgins of a boy's evil curse, apperantly to use as defense in a court case

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-07-2023
4.5

A lacklustre horror/thriller/detective story

While it may be original, I did not find the detective/court story very appealing. A bigger problem is that it doesn't really get scary or under your skin. It's a bit nasty and loud, and left me way more indifferent than a horror movie ought to.
4.5

Magellan

Astronaut on a lone mission to investigate signals suddenly coming from various locations in our solar system

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-09-2021
4.5

Unable to compensate for the little resources it had

An irresistible story and some of the space graphics are not too bad. But they contrast starkly with the amateuristic 'interior' of the spaceship, and the bizarre procedures of the space flight and handling of possible alien artifacts (plastic bag?). I also missed a point or clue to any of it.
4.5

Gods of Egypt

Exhiled Horus gets a change to reclaim his crown with the aid of a mortal thief

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-10-2016
4.5

Nice demo

Looks and feels like a computergame. Come to think of it, games nowadays have more interesting en deep characters than this painfully boring, flat and hollow production. It's always an embarrassing experience when so much is going on and you don't care about any of it.
4.5

IO

Woman is trying to find cures for a dying world, but an uninvited stranger urges her to join him and catch the last rescue ship into space

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-01-2019
4.5

Sympathetic but very boring

I really tried to get into the flow of this slow-burn movie, as a small, delicate an intimate story about big issues. But boring is boring, and the quasi-meaningful dialogue and cascade of pointless scenes made me yell COME ON too many times.
4.5

Renegades

Navy seals divert from their mission to recover lost nazi gold form a Bosnian Lake

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-06-2021
4.5

blub blub

Instead of the nail-biting, claustrophobic movie the storyline caters for, it came out surprisingly dull and lame. Characters are boring, nothing really works, pacing is off, music is off, story totally implausible. It sinks even further when it tries to be witty.
4.5

The Phoenix Project

Four scientists in a garage try to revive dead animals

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-03-2015
4.5

Experiment failed

This could and should have been a geeky mind bending gem like Primer. But it is achingly slow at times, the science is underpowered and the scientists behave unnatural. Especially that Carter guy, who single-handedly wrecks this movie with really painful, unwatchable and ridiculous overacting.
4.5

The Exorcist: believer

After a midnigth visit to the woods, two girls need exorcism

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2024
4.5

Boring, messy, silly and not scary

I was already getting bored with exorcism movies, and this is one certainly isn't turning the tables. The only novelty is that there are two victims at once, and three people doing different kinds of exorcisms at once, which turns into a mess, looks ridiculous and none of it seems to do anything.
4.5

Away

Mum goes to Mars. Away from her family.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2020
4.5

Soggy family drama with occasional space things

Don't get tricked into thinking this is a scifi adventure. This is a soap opera, featuring an insanely uncooperative and unprofessional crew, bitching and moaning and solving tedious problems like the water supply and the flue. Back on earth, there is slow nagging family drama and diseases. Ugh!
4.5

Cocaine Bear

Various people in the woods have to deal with a bear addicted to cocaine

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-04-2023
4.5

Cult is hard

It is going for a cult status with an over the top story, a bit of gore, humor and loads of colorful, quotable characters. But I found none of these components particularly successful, and the pacing seems off as frankly I got quite bored with it.
4.5

Infini

Rescue squad gets transported to a distant space base to save the last survivor

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017
4.5

Looong everyting

Occasionally it strikes a chord, but EVERYTHING - be it people talking, staring, chasing, monologuing, contemplating, fighting, briefing or debriefing - takes so freaking long it starts to mess with your mind.
4.5

Riddick

After being left for dead on a hostile planet, a ship full of mercenaries is Riddicks's only way off the planet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2014
4.5

A B-movie in disguise

Non-stop pretty, but also painfully slow, tedious and full of uninspired really poor dialogue. They are too eager to portray Riddick as a mysterious, ubercool, enigmatic hero, instead turning him into an unsympathetic showoff.
4.5

The Requin

Couple with issues hires a luxery villa on poles in the sea to get away from things, until a storm rips it off and drift them onto open sea. With sharks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-03-2022
4.5

Too many issues

It's usually nice to view these disasters from the comfort of a lazy chair, but this one has too many issues. Fake effects, cheap and obvious use of stock material, subpar acting, overall implausible events and a really skewed sense of distance, depth and location in the sea.
4.5

The Mummy

Modernday thief digs up a mummy that wasn't supposed to be found, for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017
4.5

Underperforms in many fields

A surprisingly boring flick that feels like it was made ten years too late and does a lot of things wrong. I was especially annoyed by the humorless role of the female interest, it never got scary or tense and it severely lacked some good music.
4.5

Kin Dread

Traumatized guy, confined to a room making soundseffectcs, discovers something strange in his apartment and about his past

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-11-2021
4.5

Could't follow or care

There might be a clever and interesting idea in here, but I am afraid it didn't quite come out for me. It was just to hard to follow, too vague to make sense and often got stuck like a car in a the mud.
4.5

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Man - who is also a burning skeleton motor cyclist - must rescue boy who... ah whatever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-02-2013
4.5

Burning boredom

If looking at a burning skeleton hero obliterating devil scum is still boring and liveless... something must be wrong.
4.5

Other Life

Scientist invents memory injections, but when it is used against her the line between real and artificial memory starts to blur

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017
4.5

Lifeless

Nothing wrong with the idea, but it is let down by the miscasted lead playing the cocky, cold emo-scientist. The story is also annoyingly vague, and not in the intriguing, mind-bending way I was hoping for. A few days after watching this, my wife asked how it ended and I had no idea what to say.
4.5

Warriors of the Future

Furure earth is polluted AND invaded by an alien plant, but high tech warriors attempt to use the plant to their advantage.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-12-2022
4.5

Cool action without a soul

Sure, there is some smart looking, pretty bad-ass exo-suit/robot/hi-tech warfare in here. But the movie is another truly awful Chinese attempt to copy dumb blockbuster vibes, boring characters, unclear action and yawn inducing cliche crap. Shit man, spend that money and CGI skills more wisely.
4.5

Parallels

A mysterious phonecall from a missing father leads people into a strange building that opens up to alternate earths

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2017
4.5

Nice idea poorly executed

Love the basic idea, but it's executed poorly with rather annoying young adults delivering really bad lines and making everything seem hopelessly amateuristic.
4.5

Capsule

Astronaut depens heavily on radiohelp from earth to get his faulty capsule to return home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-11-2016
4.5

A lot more was required to make it this bold idea work

A bold mov(i)e which almost exclusively shows the astronaut strapped in his seat. But the amateuristic, jumpy astronaut, the repetitious dialogues and unconvincing procedures are way insufficient to make it work. There's a twist at the end, but if you made it that far you'll probably no longer care.
4.5

The Pope's Excorcist

... does an excorcism

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-06-2023
4.5

By the book

It may try to add some extra's to the genre with the dungeon and what not, but mostly it feels like a textbook exorcism that is so by the book that you wonder why they bothered. Not scary, overacted, not interesting, I almost reached for my phone.
4.5

Ender's Game

A youngster is the chosen one to be trained as spacefleet admiral and repell alien threat

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-07-2014
4.5

Kids in space

These kids are trained for space command by having them play a pointless Harry Potter floating game! This unwatchable movie is full of such nasty face palm moments, burying the sharp looking visuals deep beneath the surface. "He has a complicated response to authority" - who talks like that?
4.5

Firestarter (2022)

Girl tries to control and live with her ability to set things on fire, but evil people make her loose her cool

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-06-2022
5

Left me cold (that punchline is probably taken)

One of those movies that, on the face of it, looks quite solid and adept, and makes you wonder why you're not enjoying it more. I think her parent's additional paranormal abilities get in the way of an already uninspired and even boring story that fails to ignite. (That's probably also taken.)
5

The Finest Hours

Against all odds, courageous men on a small coastguard boat sail into a storm to help the crew of a wrecked oiltanker

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016
5

Sunk

Not withstanding the good looks and production values, I thought this was a mess. The 50's atmosphere felt cliched, all characters are either obnoxious, one-dimensional or off, the love story was getting on my nerves and I was sort of glad it was over.
5

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Fox and friends engage in a war with local farmers when they steal chickens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2021
5

Did not push my buttons

It looks and feels artistically sound and could please Roald Dahl fans. Personally, I found the puppets not very pleasant to look at and I don't like the storytelling much. It's not outstandingly funny, exciting or clever, I did not know how to process it and even got a bit strangely agitated.
5

The Matrix 4: Resurrections

Neo, living in the matrix again as a guy who made a matrix game, goes back into the matrix to save Trinity, who is in the matrix.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-02-2022
5

This time, the mindbender is the movie itself

I am not sure how a 4th sequel could have worked or what I wanted from it, but surely it wasn't this. I hate the lazy self aware 'meta' approach and the revisiting of classic moments. Nothing really works anymore, I cringed multiple times. An odd misfire, which makes you wonder how this came to be.
5

Reminiscence

When the future is bleak, people instead relive past memories with a machine. The operator running that facility gets involved when a femme fatale shows up

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-12-2021
5

half decent idea failed

The opportunity to do something cunning with the central idea gets lost in dull, pseudo film-noir kitsch, and the plot twist comes way too late to redeem it. But the real problems are inexcusably crincy Hollywood dialogue, audience pampering, poorly choreographed fights, among others.
5

The Soul (2022)

Prosecutor dying of cancer takes on a murder case that reveals dark secrets and transplants of more than just cells

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-05-2022
5

Probably a brillant story but failed in presentation

I can appreciate the deep, well thought out story that stacks several layers of twists on each other, providing a real thinker of a crime story with perhaps a dash of horror. But it is presented so slowly en depressingly that I struggled to notice or care - and to stay awake too.
5

Captain Marvel

A woman with superpowers and generic green aliens and avengers and tessaracts and whfff

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-09-2020
5

I felt nothing

A cheerful, colorful, slick looking action superhero movie that went straight through me.
5

Silent Hill Revelation

Girl must save her father, who is trapped in a place full of demons

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-09-2013
5

Not as scary as it looks

This contains some very moody scenery and genuinely nightmarish footage. But the girl's plan is basically walking from one demon challenge to the next, and the rest of the story is either boring or incomprehensible.
5

Flatliners (2019)

Med students have themselves killed and take a peak at the afterlife before they are reanimated. But all is not fun and games.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-08-2019
5

Same problem as the original, executed worse

Like the original, the concept is awesome but I still find the clue rather dull and unsatisfying. Worse, in this version some of characters are quite annoying, some of their lines rather cheesy and the scares copied and uninspired. I was waiting for everyone to just say sorry and get this over with.
5

Moon 44

Pilot/cop goes undercover to a mining planet to oversee the convict pilots fighting of an alien invasion

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-08-2023
5

A disappointing story in a cool scifi environment

The scenery, with it's dark and steamy hallways and spaceships, is remarkably like an Aliens, so that's good! The story though, is mostly convicts and and their navigators fighting, while the hero smokes cigarettes and tries to look cool - not really interesting.
5

Sex Ed

Mathteacher can't find a suitable job, so he settles for giving sex education to teens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-01-2015
5

Sex ought to be funnier than this

It had a lot going for it. A funny idea, a mellow Cuban vibe and potential. Unfortunately, the jokes won't ignite and many scenes just fall flat. Also contains a painfully misguided good-will-hunting-ish speech scene that isn't even trying to be funny.
5

jung_e

A team tries to create the ultimate warrior by recycling a brain into new cyborg bodies, but can't figure out why she keeps underperforming

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-01-2023
5

Nothing much to make it work

A bit of a Korean take on Ghost in the Shell, this should interesting. But is is not. The action is utterly unconvincing, and I hated some of the characters who either over-acted or were just cringey and one-dimensional. The story attempts some quasi deep theme's but it all falls flat immediately.
5

The Brothers Grimsby

Lowlife british scumbag finds his long lost brother, and gets involved in his MI6 spy job along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-12-2016
5

Unprecentented vulgarities are not enough

Some of the scenes are so unbearably low and vulgar that in itself they could have given this movie some sort of cult status. Unfortunately, the lame action and humorless story surrounding is gets rid of that option.
5

A walk among the tombstones

Private detective searching for a bunch of sickos mutilating and killing the loved ones of drug dealers

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015
5

Another movie with Liam Neeson, definitely not one of his best

I am still wondering what the writers were thinking, as well as Liam Neeson reading the script. Watching a goldfish in a fish tank for 114 minutes must be more exciting than this...
5

The 5th Wave

Girl tries to rescue her little brother amidst an alien invasion in 5 waves

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-08-2016
5

Derailed

After a reasonable start, it derails in cheesy teenage love stories, unexciting screenplay, annoying army-squads comprising of teenagers and emo's, and sloppy movie making with aliens that conveniently look just like humans.
5

Echoes

A woman goes back to her hometown when her identical twin sister is missing, and then a lot of twin things happen

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-10-2022
5

A good idea implemented rather plainly

To have a crime and mystery revolve around twin sisters, making you guessing who is who and who did what, is not a bad idea. But it is done rather unimaginatively, making me indifferent instead of intrigued, and is based on rather soapy themes like family feuds, relationships and horses.
5

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