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Calvaire

A man seek shelter at a French auberge, which turns horrific when the owner strats to claim him as if he were someone else.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-07-2023
6.5

Nasty, but not in a good way

There's potential here for quiet a nasty, slowly consuming horror/thriller - you might even say it is one. But for me personally, I found the protagonist too stiff, everything a bit filthy and weird so it was hard to feel involved or empathize about it.
6.5

Lucid Dream

A man tries to find his kidnapped son by reliving the moment in lucid, and later also shared, dreaming

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-05-2018
6.5

Disappointing

The awesome idea turns out to be mostly a rather plain detective/crime story, and the way the whole dreaming thing was supposed to be working seemed rushed and like they didn't really care too much either.
6.5

The Interview

Dodgy network channel gets the chance to interview the leader of North Korea, and are asked by the CIA to kill him in the progress

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-02-2015
6.5

Another okay-ish comedy

Given the the actors, plot and possibilties, I expected more of this. Besides a few laughs, there's also very long periods with not much in it, and the movie can be hysteric and a bit embarrassing at times.
6.5

Ichi The Killer

A ganster mob routine of torturing and killing people gets disrupted by a mysterious killer that leaves the rooms soaked in blood and guts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-08-2017
6.5

A torture movie for research rather than enjoyment

I actually got used to the torture scenes of amputations and various acts with sharp objects. I actually became somewhat interested in, and empathized with, the mysterious killer. But mostly I still felt sick and depressed rather than amused after watching this.
6.5

Evil Dead (2013)

Kids go into the woods to rehab a friend Then they find a book and unwillingly release hell.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-06-2015
6.5

Slashing that still leaves you indifferent

As a cabin slasher it appeared solid and effective, yet I couldn't really get scared or excited by it. Characters too dull and silly, story too well known.
6.5

Sputnik

Sputnik cosmonauts crash on earth, one of them is carying something unearthly with him. A doctor is asked to investigate.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-08-2020
6.5

A bit slow

While subjects like this are always a killer, and I liked the Russian take and atmosphere for a change, I found the movie to be rather sluggish. There's a lot of talking and walking through the hallways with too little excitement or tension, nor did I find everything very credible.
6.5

Dummie de Mummie en de tombe van Achnetoet

After a Dutch children's book, in which a family takes their fostered mummy-son to Egypt so he can find his roots

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2017
6.5

A save harmless watch for the kids

A mellow, save and relaxed story with some adventure and giggles but nothing too crazy.
6.5

Captain Underpants

When the evil head of school wants to seperate two best friends, they hypnotise him so he becomes their comic fantasy Captain Underpants

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-08-2019
6.5

Ok, but a bit timid

Funny and sympathetic, but with a title like that I expected a little more rebellion, wit and anarchy (even if the climax involves a giant toilet).
6.5

Possum

A man tries to get rid of a horrendous puppet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2023
6.5

A respectable but not entirely succesful oddity

An oddball, slightly experimental film that is pretty close to being fascinatingly disturbing. However, for that it needed more truly intense moments, perhaps some more depth in the story, and perhaps most importantly: a bit more speed, as it sometimes almost comes to a standstill.
6.5

Blue is the Warmest Color (La Vie d'Adèle)

Girl becomes lesbian

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-02-2016
6.5

Beautiful but too long and too slow

You have to admire how the gorgeous lead actrices carry this story with beautifully authentic acting. But everything takes so freaking long in this movie, everything is so spread out that in the end even the intimate love scenes started to bore me.
6.5

Creepozoids

A group of deserted soldiers (?) in a post nucelar world hide in a lab, but there even bigger dangers await

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2024
6.5

A bad movie the way I like 'em

Poor effects, attacking rat puppets that move only because the actors handles them, a nonsensical story, unnecessary nudity and people running through the same hallways over and over. And that's just for starters. But it's all quite quirky and amusing.
6.5

May December

An actress parts up closely with the woman she is going to portay in her next movie, and with her secrets

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-01-2024
6.5

Great acting and built-up leading to nothing

A movie filled with a solid cast that are a pleasure to watch, and a story that has the sensation of slowly building up to a climax of some sort. But I don't think it did. Instead it left me with a feeling of being cheated, and wondering what I had been watching.
6.5

Dragon's Dogma

When his family is killed and his heart is stolen by a dragon, a man embarks on a dangerous journey to get it back and slay the dragon

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-12-2020
6.5

A more than average manga/computergame movie, but still not great

The journey contains some exciting moments, battles with classic mythological beasts and the theme of seven sins gave it some some depth. But the one dimensional and stiff characters aren't helping to feel much empathy for it.
6.5

Approaching the Unknown

A skilled engineer and solo astronaut must handle numerous challenges during his the voyage to Mars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-11-2016
6.5

Sober scifi with a few letdowns.

It has a lot going for it, like a nice techy (but not necessarily realistic) theme and a pleasant, sober approach that doesn't do cheap thrills. On the downside, the main actor is not really sympathetic, and the single 'capcom' guy plainly sitting behind a desk was just silly and cheap.
6.5

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman hates Superman for the havoc he inflicted battling Zod, and Lex adds to the misery by creating another supevillain. And also...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-09-2016
6.5

Tiresome spectacle

A very well made, mostly good looking superhero epic that nevertheless failed to fully make an impression. It was exhaustively messy and cramped, incoherent and sort of depressing. I found Batman totally unlikable and his hatred towards Superman felt forced.
6.5

Asteroid City

A small desert town with wandering souls gets a visit from space

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-07-2023
6.5

Objectively great, subjectively empty

I'd be happy to applaud the artistic value, the conspicuous characters, the fantastic colors and the bold cinematography. But ultimately, I could not process it. I could only stare at it, telling myself to enjoy it's objective quality and audacity, yet feeling quite uninvolved and untouched.
6.5

Sinister 2

Mother and two sons living in a desolate barnhouse, where something evil lurks and there's a box of old movies in the cellar...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-09-2019
6.5

The movies in this movie are better than the movie

The gruesome, uncomfortable 8 mm footage and the accompanying haunting music are still the highlights of this franchise. But between those parts, it is filling up time with slightly average horror, a somewhat incomplete story and some predictable jump scares.
6.5

Maleficent

The fairytale of sleeping beauty with a few of twists added

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-11-2015
6.5

Beautiful fairytale without impact

At times pleasing to look at, and Jolie is excellent as well. But it combines mystery, children's humor and more darker tones, resulting in a movie that fails to leave a lasting impression in any of these fields.
6.5

Nude Nuns with Big Guns

After being sold an abused as a sex slave, a nun sets out to take revenge.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-04-2016
6.5

Nice and campy

Much like Tarantino movies, it shamelessly celebrates campy, violent, badly acted, poorly edited movies taking please in sweaty Mexican style landscapes. It does so quite well, but it also doesn't do much more than that. And the guns weren't that big either.
6.5

Prityazhenie (Attraction)

A spaceship crashlands in Russia

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2017
6.5

part fresh , part meh

I was quite impressed with the fresh sights and sounds at first. But then the story collapsed, the army's plan was apparently to just drive around forever so it was up to some annoying street kids to handle this event. Meh.
6.5

The Predator

The predators are coming back to earth. The good, the bad and the loony try to deal with it.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2019
6.5

Too much over the top nonsense stuff, taking away the magic

It was good to hear the predator music again, but not the rather cringe worthy lines delivered by the cliched and over the top characters in this movie. How did the biologist turn into a skilled commando instantly? The spacedogs - I don't know... just too many things not quite right in here.
6.5

Cruela

How Cruela de Vil, you know the villain from 101 dalmatians, came to be

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-10-2021
6.5

Well made, just not much in here for me personally

This was received well and praised highly, and I can see the well made and well told story in it. Personally, I was hoping for it to be a bit more vile, more shock, more magic and a lot less about fashion. It has a bit of a happy musical vibe that is not my cup of tea.
6.5

Project Almanac

Students built a timemachine

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-09-2015
6.5

Lacks inspirantion or a smart story

They have something going on at first, then all they do with the machine is go back in time to party and solve tedious adolescence problems. By the time tampering-with-time troubles finally start, I was kind of done with it.
6.5

XX

4 short horror stories directed by women (but I wonder if that ought to be noteworthy)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-05-2017
6.5

ha that's nice okay next one

Seeing some shorter stories was a nice for once, and there was an addictive quality to them to make you do one more. Quality of the stories was somewhat inconsistent and none of them struck me as particularly great, More like: ha that's nice okay next one.
6.5

Adrift

Freshly in love couple sail a boat across the Pacific back to the States. But misery strikes, wrecks the boat and now survival is up to her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-06-2019
6.5

Ruined by constant flashbacks

For it's entire duration, the movie alternates the present with flashbacks in which we have to endure a sugar coated love romance with cheesy music to boot. This constantly resets the tension and sensation of despair, making this survival movie much less intense than it could and should have been.
6.5

Dead Space: Downfall

Animation based on the video games, in which a spaceship salvages an alien relic from a planet, after which horrible things happen

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-06-2022
6.5

A quick fix of dead space terror but not much else

Fairly competent as a gung-ho heavy duty space zombie action animation, wisely not holding back in blood and guts, but ultimately lacking in depth, truly memorable moments or interesting characters.
6.5

Good Kill

Pilot of unmaned drones is not happy with it's job

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-10-2016
6.5

unfocused and over-edited

I was getting tired quickly of the whining that killing terrorists with a drone apparently isn't exciting enough for these people, and confused because then they start crying because the suddenly have moral conflict with it. Then there's the stiff dialogue and suspiciously insubordinate procedures.
6.5

Samsara

A collage of scenes from around the world, loosely connected by the theme of the circle of live

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2018
6.5

Easy

It's a marathon of non-stop pretty wallpapers for your desktop. There's no mistaking the outstanding visuals and suitable music, but simply sticking it together also felt like an easy win. Perhaps some more courage or risks would have helped.
6.5

In the Tall Grass

Pursuing cries for help, a brother and sister get lost in a field of tall grass - where weird stuff is going

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-11-2019
6.5

Lacks the quality to make it last

It's an interesting idea, but would require a clever story and/or great actors to make it work for the entire duration of a movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't really have neither, so after a while and starts to loose appeal. Bonus points for trying though.
6.5

Play Dead

A girl fakes death to get into a morgue, where she needs to retrieve evidence against her brother. But there is unsuspected danger inside.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2023
6.5

Maybe too long and too unlikely, but still a thrilling ride

The premise and story are far-fetched, and I thought the acting lacked finesse. But this still manages to roll out quite an exciting, pretty tense thriller/horror for the most part. Unfortunately it drags on for too long, becomes tiring and even more implausible. Still, enjoyable stuff.
6.5

The Consecration

A woman travels to a monastry to investigate the mysterious death of her brother

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-05-2023
6.5

Lacked impact, but ended well

The ending and big reveal near the end are pretty good, but the movie really has trouble getting there. It was a bit unlikely, flat and lifeless, and failed to harvest the creepiness of monasteries and it's rituals. She didn't even react to those nuns lying on the floor, for crying out loud!
6.5

TrollHunter

Found footage of a filmcrew following a trollhunter in Norway

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2013
6.5

Could have been much better if we believed in any of this

The shaky shots in darks woods are effective, as are the sound effects. But the movie is running out fuel quickly, the trolls are a bit too much to buy into the 'actual footage' thing, and the filmcrew are both scared out of their wits and rather indifferent about their adventures at the same time.
6.5

Blair Witch (2016)

Armed with 7 million camera's, a brother sets of to find his sister who disappeard in the cursed woods

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-07-2017
6.5

The formula is still scary, but you start to look through it

This felt scary but over-familiar, and the realism achieved by the found footage started to feel very unrealistic instead. I mean who the hell carries this many cameras and shoots this much at these insane moment? Kudos though, for some of the actors enacting deep deep fear in the finale.
6.5

Independence Day: Resurgence

Mankind has had a major tech and weapons upgrade, but will it be enough to counter a second alien invasion?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-07-2016
6.5

Leave brain at home

I guess it rightfully is the brainless over-the-top popcorn scifi movie it needs to be, so that it doesn't need to make excuses for being shallow, stupid and hardly exiting. Fun, but ultimately I find these movies less and less satisfying. Couple of days later, I have already forgotten most of it.
6.5

Colossal

A woman finds that, at certain locations and moments, she is the monster invading Korea. That's right folks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2017
6.5

Great idea with little energy in it

The mad story is a joy and pleasantly stubborn. Execution and actors were fine, there just was something very low-energy about it all, that prevented it from becoming as great as the idea itself. The biggest surprise for me was actually the intense acting displayed by Jason Sudeikis.
6.5

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Various involved people talk you through the horrible contents of the videotapes of a sadistic serial killer

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2019
6.5

Nicely set up, but what for?

The fact that I looked up whether this was based on a true story means it was somewhat convincing and it definitely has it's moments, but overall it felt mostly like torture porn of the kind that makes you wonder why you are watching it. But perhaps that's always the case with torture porn.
6.5

Paranormal Activity: Ghost Dimension

It's about ghostly activity all caught on camera

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-03-2018
6.5

Fresh in the wrong place

They invoke some more obvious, frequent and in your face material, which I can understand was necessary to breath some live into the formula. But the slow, nail biting chance of maybe catching a glimpse kind of was the point. So now it starts to er towards a regular horror glued by jumpscares.
6.5

Home Alone 3

This time the kid has to defend the house from a bunch of criminals who are after a microchip he unknowingly has

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2021
6.5

Different enough to exist, familiair enough to please?

With none of the original cast available, and with the original story already been told twice, I commend them for doing a slightly different setup whilst still maintain the core features. Without Christmas it looses charm though. Should please the fans and youngsters, of which I am neither.
6.5

Strange World

Son of an explorer discovers a magical energyplant that changes the word, but when crops die they venture into a strange world to save it

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2023
6.5

Bubbly but not engaging

It's hard to not like the vivid, colorful and imaginative world on display, and I quite liked the big reveal as well. But in the end I didn't really feel involved. Perhaps I am growing tired of the generic looks of Disney characters, and did not particularly like any of them either.
6.5

Ip Man

The (true?) story of a Kung Fu master who stood up against the Japanese during ww2.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2018
6.5

Good and bad things from China

It's not always an easy watch because of that painful Chinese overacting and slapstick performances that make it feel like a farce. But as the war begins, the colors fade and gradually it strikes a more serious and interesting tone, and the elaborate superfast kung fu keeps it afloat.
6.5

Rampage

Retired military man running a gorilla shelter, must save the city form mutated monster animals.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-11-2019
6.5

Fine for what it is

Based a a videogame with no story to speak of, this movie came it surprisingly well (as in: this could have been much much worse). It's a mindless but fun action blockbuster like most Dwayne Johnson movies, and it works well enough as long as your expectations are realistic.
6.5

Free Birds

Turkeys travel back in time to wipe their species from thanksgiving menu forever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-12-2013
6.5

Somehow it didn't really work.

It's a vibrant, original, good looking adventure with plenty of good jokes... yet still it doesn't quite take off. Something flat and distant remains, and maybe relating to turkeys in a time machine is just a bit too much to ask.
6.5

The Deep House

Couple tries to score youtube visitors with a movie about a submerged house. But when they dive into it, stuff happens.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-02-2022
6.5

Unable to cash in on the fantastic concept and visuals

This is an awesome idea and the underwater footage looks fantastic and bone chilling, and must have been tricky to film. It is almost incomprehensible that they still managed to make this NOT scary - but the banal horror story and robotic underwater conversations did the trick. A rewrite, please.
6.5

The Osiris Child

Pilot must save his daughter from a planet overrun by vicious beasts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-04-2019
6.5

Bits and pieces

At times this has some pretty graphics, some decent acting and some passable action scenes. But if also features some annoying characters to ruin things, and as a whole felt a bit directionless, and empty.
6.5

Bait

After a tsunami wave, a group of people get trapped in a flooded building with freaking sharks in the water

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-11-2015
6.5

Amazingly ok

Amazingly, this movie takes its story rather serious, instead of trying to mock itself and attempting to get by with being an unpretentious B-movie. Even more amazingly, it indeed manages to be fairly entertaining and worthwhile. It's still a move a about sharks in the supermarket though!
6.5

47 Meters Down

Two girls go cage diving with sharks, but then the crane breaks and they end up on the bottom

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-05-2018
6.5

Not really immersive, a bit shallow (haha)

The main actors do their best but ultimately it isn't as immersive as I was hoping for, in part also because of some dubious underwater physics and patronizing dialogue. I wonder how this would have been without any underwater intercoms... I am betting a lot more special.
6.5

Dumb and Dumber To

They are on the road again, this time to find a new kidney

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-02-2015
6.5

Below par

It's slightly entertaining and slightly comical. But for a movie with a legacy like this, that is not enough and a bit disappointing. I'd say there were about 5 really great jokes. Harry and Lloyd's attitude is also kind of mean and nasty, rather than ignorant and clueless, which tasted funny to me.
6.5

The Deep Ones

Couple rents a place by the sea, but the strange hosts soon drag them into strange rituals involving some sea entity (Cthulhu!)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-07-2021
6.5

Not scary, but perhaps that wasn't the point. An ode to horror?

Acting and camera work is so clunky that it sometimes feels like you're watching porn. But when I also heard the 50's classic 'whistle' mystery music style I began to suspect they were aiming for a certain atmosphere. It sort of works: it's campy and entertaining. But scary or intense, it is not
6.5

The Eye (2008)

After an eye transplant, a woman starts seeing strange and unsettling things

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-02-2013
6.5

Sits a bit too comfortably in contemporary horror

Some okay moments and ideas can't hide the fact that we are getting getting used to this new japanese style horror thing.
6.5

Shutter

Couple finds ghost like smears and images on their photographs

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-10-2018
6.5

Fine, but too formulaic to become really scary or noteworthy

Good idea to base a horror story around these ghostly images, and the actors, the Japan setting and general quality seem up to par. It just feels like it came too late, for we can now sort of guess how these stories unfold, including some lame jump scares I wish it would have risen above.
6.5

Mutant Girl Squad

A girl with a mutated knive hand joins a group of other mutant girls to make a stand to those who oppose them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-04-2023
6.5

Outrageously extreme yet still slightly boring

I really wanted to like this more, as it is a deliciously bizarre Powerrangers with gore, fountains of blood and insane mutations like a chainsaw tentacle coming from someone's butt. Fantastic anarchy, but I also noticed it is utterly flat and empty, making me forget this movie in mere days.
6.5

Gerald's Game

In an isolated vacation home, a man ties his wife to the bed for sexy times, then dies of a heartattack

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-08-2020
6.5

Not as unbearable as I hoped for

A bold idea, but the lead actress was unable to convey her dread and dismay to the screen, the dialogue with her 'ghosts' seemed a bit childish and like a play, and the twist at the very end seemed unnecessary and farfetched.
6.5

Avengers: Infinity War

All superheros must work together to prevent Thanos from getting his hands on stones (actually, getting stones in his hand) that will give him fearsome power

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-01-2019
6.5

What a mash

In the beginning I really digged the grandiose atmosphere, the wisecracks and the beautiful visual style of each and every scene. But then more and more hero's join the fight, it just goes on and on and everyone's fighting and suddenly I was exhausted, disinterested, dozing off and done with this.
6.5

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV

Superwarriors defend the good people from the bad people who are after the crystal that empowers the good people

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-06-2023
6.5

A strange but not necessarily tasty mix

Unfamiliar with the Final Fantasy lore, I needed some time to digest the mix of knights driving Audi's in a futuristic world. I liked some of the designs though, and halfway through the story got pretty exciting. But ultimately, the confusing action scenes and hollow characters didn't do it for me.
6.5

Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver

The assembled squad must now defend the farmers against the evil space people

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-04-2024
6.5

A failure with some nice looking stuff here and there

In the end there was some satisfying space warfare porn, and I like how this movie has it's own distinct look. But other than that this is such a strange failure. 100% flat characters, cringy lines, kitschy slowmotion scenes of grain harvesting, and an overall sluggishness woven throughout it all.
6.5

The Days

Series about the Fukushima disaster

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-02-2024
6.5

Surely this was more nerve wrecking?

We followed this series with interest, but it felt like it failed to capture the terrifying race against time this must have been. There's a lot of staring, sitting around, hesitation and discussion. An on-point observation about Japanese culture perhaps, but I wonder if it went this way.
6.5

Jellyfish Eyes

Boy and his mother move to a place where the children have little creatures, which they can later use against a great danger

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-09-2023
6.5

A unique but ultimately aimless movie

While the bizarre and colorful little monsters projected on a real world provide an original en wholesome experience, I had trouble getting into this movie. It's too childish for adults, but too lifeless and down for children. Not to keen on some of the acting either.
6.5

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Warriors are gathered to fight other warriors in another realm

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-06-2021
6.5

A step closer to a good videogame movie

With a promising beginning, overall high production standards, appearance of several game characters and even some fatalities (which are oddly more gutting in the game than in the movie) this was close to an actual decent game movie. But the dull, flat characters and story again let it down badly.
6.5

Cosmopolis

During his limo ride to get a haircut, a wealthy financial has conversations (?) with people he meets along the way.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-01-2014
6.5

Mindbending by chit chat

I was mad at this movie, for its pretentious, incomprehensible and endless bull (or poetry, you decide). I think I fell asleep twice. Then, the next day, I couldn't wait to see how it ended. It's a mindfuck alright.
6.5

Unicorn Wars

Adult animation about colorful bears slaying their sworn enemy: unicorns

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-01-2024
6.5

Irresitable concept but hard to like

The bizarre story and bloody cartoon violence promised a unique experience, but I found the bears too unlikable and too annoying for this, so it was hard to live the moment with them. The finale partially makes up for it, offering something of a more profound experience.
6.5

Warcraft

A fantasyworld at peace is suddenly invaded by violent beasts coming through a portal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-10-2016
6.5

Surprisingly mature, but still a slightly distant game world

Pleasantly surprised by the quality of the characters, looks and various memorable scenes, and the way that things have a mature quality to them.. But you still may feel like you're thrown in a world you do not know, making it hard to connect with it, or be immersed by it.
6.5

The Cloverfield Paradox

A spacestation desperately tries to harvest a new type of energy for a dying earth, but accidently triggers multiverse dimension stuff in doing so

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-02-2018
6.5

Tries to mask a flat execution with random dimensional thingies.

An awesome premise but lackluster execution with slightly dull actors ultimately no good script. The dimension stuff that happens feels arbitrary, like they just threw in 'weird stuff'. I was constantly like Why did they... why would that.... that doesn't even.... And WHAT WAS THE PARADOX?
6.5

Cabin in the Woods

Stereotype teens go into a stereotype cabin in the woods..... but something non-stereotype is lurking

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-09-2013
6.5

Good idea with not much else going for it

Sure it gets points for originality. But this one idea is all they had, leaving us with a unscary movie we can only like because it's original.
6.5

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Spidy vs electro and that green dude on the flyboard

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-09-2014
6.5

Stunning and tiresome

There's an abundance of slow and uninteresting scenes that somehow don't flow well, and slowly drain your ability to focus on this. By the time the vivid, beautifully done action starts, I was too exhausted to care.
6.5

Mulholland Drive

Woman on her way to make it in Hollywood, finds a mysterious woman in her bathroom (probably not the best summary).

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-11-2021
6.5

Should have triggered me, but didn't

The Lynch-weirdness comes in late and it quite small doses, so mostly it actually felt like a movie of girlfriends going on an adventure. I love being puzzled by surrealism, but in here it didn't seem to trigger me, or the subjects and themes were just too plain.
6.5

Advantageous

Without a job and with a daughter to support, a woman decides to earn money by having herself tranfered into a younger body

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-06-2018
6.5

Different, interesting but very slow

A sober, slowly moving drama that doesn't over-please the viewer, has some decent performances by the cast and is certainly 'interesting'. As a whole though, it really is very slow up to the point of lifelessness, some more spices would have been welcome in places.
6.5

She Will

Older moviestar and her nurse go to a secluded place to recover, but the spirit of witchcraft still lingers there

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2023
6.5

Great atmosphere, lacking story

It laid down a promising groundwork for a modern witchcraft tale, but I felt it ran out of ideas and became a somewhat uneventful movie not really going anywhere, and without a satisfying ending.
6.5

Machete Kills

Even the government needs Machete

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-12-2013
6.5

Deliberately plain, dumb and violent fun.

I am never quite sure where to draw the line between a bad movie and an ode to a bad movie. But I am sure there's some ok fun and slashing to be had here.
6.5

After Yang

A man tries to get his broken droid and familymember fixed, and finds out a deeper level in it than he realized

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2023
6.5

Atmospheric but ultimately too thin

Saturated with a mellow and melancholic atmosphere that almost gets you in a dreamy state as well. I appreciative how it's more of a wandering, soul-searching sort of poetry than a clear-cut story, but ultimately I found it too thin on substance to make a lasting impression.
6.5

Chappie

Write-off police robot secretly gets a firmware upgrade, making him reboot as a child with a huge learning capacity. But he accidently falls in the hands of not so ideal parents to learn from..
average 6.5

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
23-03-2015
6

Nice robot, crappy story

Robotics and the consciousness debate are usually my cup of tea, but Chappie definitely failed to deliver in this regard...
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-03-2015
7

A bitter sweet 7

As much as I adore the hyperrealistic robot visual FX, techyness and idea of this movie, a robot acting like a child acting like a ridiculous Hollywood caricature of a 'gangster' was too awkward to look at. The governance and discipline within this Tetravaal company were also sand in my eyes.
7

Poltergeist (2015)

Family moves into a house in which a ghost goes after the little girl

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-05-2016
6.5

A but uninspired

Right from the start it quite mundanely runs by -=scary scenes=-. Then the science team moves in, after which the scares are pretty much gone. The boy's trick of constantly turning his head toward a scary event VERY SLOWLY was also getting on my nerves. DeWitt rose above it all.
6.5

Death Note

Dude finds a book in which he can write down the name of people he wants dead. And it works too.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-09-2020
6.5

Somewhat refreshing but not quite terrifying

Never seen the manga it was based on, so I can't comment on that. I thought it was a reasonably fresh horror with some new ideas and twists that make it worthwhile, but the atmosphere was not menacing or scary; It was reminiscent of the Gremlins and Critters-style 'fun' horror, suitable for minors.
6.5

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (aka Devil's Pass)

Found footage of students who went into Russian mountains to investigate the mysterious deaths of another group

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-11-2013
6.5

Too much mysteries

Has it's moments, most of them boring. Then it boldly moves on to invoke all the mysteries and conspiracy theories that these nervous paranoid teenagers could think of, making it seem like it is trying to say "you sort it out".
6.5

Aporia

A widow gets her husband back by using her friend's machine that perhaps failed at time travel, but can kill a person in the past

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-10-2023
6.5

Slowish and sober, but still a worthwhile time puzzler

I am quite a sucker for these sober, intimate, low-budget movies that still deliver a clever story and time travel puzzles. This one did indeed fall into that category, although it was a bit lackadaisical and perhaps too minimalistic.
6.5

Finch

Survivor of some world apocalyptic event builts a robot to take care of his dog when he dies

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-01-2022
6.5

A nice tale that had slightly more potential

It's a sympathetic tale of human friendship and it works for the most part, growing on me as it went on. However, I think the robot's progress in learning, behavior and humor could have been more subtle, interesting and refined, and making him sound like Borat was part of the problem.
6.5

The Lazarus Effect

After succesfully bringing a dog back to live, an accident brings the science team to try the trick on one of their own

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-03-2016
6.5

Unremarkable horror despite some good ideas

A promising idea and start can't help this movie from soon ending up with rather cliche and predictable scares and a lack of focus. The science 'team' is also an unconvincing bunch of Hollywood stereotypes.
6.5

The Other Side of the Door

Devastated by the tragic loss of her son, the woman resorts to an indian supernatural ritual to speak to him one last time - and exectutes it wrongly

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-07-2016
6.5

Fair horror

I loved the Indian setting and the story had potential, but ultimately it keeps relying on familiar tricks and I thought everyone was overacting a bit.
6.5

Escape Plan

A man's job is to test jail security by actually escaping from them. But then the next gig is a jail that was built on all his teachings.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-04-2014
6.5

Too cliched to be great

The characters and story are too much typical Hollywood cliches and fantasies to make this really exciting. So we are left with a mildly entertaining jailbreak flick.
6.5

Kong: Skull Island

Expedition team and a heavy military escort travels to a mysterious, previously undiscovered island

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-03-2018
6.5

It's all there but...

Although it feels like the director really wanted to make a Vietnam war movie, the movie objectively seems pretty competent in terms of style, old school adventure and monsters. But it never really grabbed me. I am not sure why, but the rather generic characters might have something to do with it.
6.5

Selva trágica

Woman escapes into the jungle from her husband where she is found by a group of rubber farmers

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-06-2021
6.5

You may get several things out of it, but not a lot from each

Is it an adventure movie? An ode to nature? A mystical odyssey? A story about women devouring men? A documentary about rubber harvesting? A little bit of everything I guess, but not really shining in any. A bit static, thin on emotional involvement and abruptly ended.
6.5

Bright

Against his will, a cop gets assigned an Orc as his partner, with whom he will go through a long, dangerous night

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-08-2018
6.5

A not entirely succesfull mixture

It's an interesting idea to, without explanation, simply put orcs and elves among people and base the story on that. But everyone's so chagrined, no one's really likable and the atmosphere is very grim, whereas orcs as basketball gang members and the elves were kind of childish to me.
6.5

Rogue

A group of tourists is terrorized by a huge croc in the Australian outback

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-10-2019
6.5

zap resistant

It's not a masterpiece by any means, but it was component enough to keep us watching as we unintentionally zapped into this. It successfully stays away from trying to be campy or deliberately bad, even if the source material could make it tempting to do so.
6.5

Triada

Woman finds she's part of a triplet seperated at birth, and some dark secrets surrounding this situation

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2023
6.5

A couple of problems, but still enjoyable

We enjoyed this little crime puzzler, but I thought is was a little overacted and implausible, and the ending - where the evil nemesis elaborately tells about the masterplan - seemed like an out of fashion James Bond maneuver. The final showdown was disappointing, too.
6.5

Archive 18

Video repairman gets a myserious gig to restore some tapes, and the footage drags him into the supernatural and occult

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2022
6.5

Not quite

It started of well, with a nice blend of horror and mystery, and I liked how the 'found' footage was alternated with 'real' footage. Unfortunately, it was let down by really unrealistic, strangely behaving and talking characters, a onedimensional lead actress and well, it's failure to become scary.
6.5

The Mountain Between Us

Man and woman survice a crashlanding in the snowy mountains, and now face survival as well as a developing forbidden love between them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-09-2020
6.5

Yeh sort of works

Throughout the film there's alternating scenes of them taking a few more steps, and then a much longer scene of them resting and developing feelings for each other amidst all misery. Both are fine, but none of them felt very profound.
6.5

Choose or Die

Girl gets caught up in a mysterious vintage game that makes people make horrible choices

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-05-2022
6.5

Some entertainment, but not great

For a horror it doesn't really scare much, and overall execution is a little underwhelming. The way the game interacts with the real world seems inconsistent and not very well thought out. But well, there are some new ideas and it does provide some basic amusement value.
6.5

The BFG

Girl befriends a giant and helps him to get his live back on track

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-08-2016
6.5

Lovingly made but not immersing

I hate to be negative about this lovingly-put-together and fine looking movie with plenty of good moments, but ultimately it failed to grab my full attention and made me sleepy-eyed because of a lack of tension and the long dialogues.
6.5

Tombraider

Lara sets of the Japan to look for her long missing father, who was investigating a mysterious tomb on a desolate island

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-02-2019
6.5

Faithful videogame recreations don't automatically mean it's good

It follows the game really closely, and some of the scenes and scenery were really familiar. But, as much as I loved these games, seeing it recreated with real people just falls short and makes everything shallow, predictable and lifeless. I Guess this exemplifies the problem with videogame movies.
6.5

Lovely, Deep and Dark

A ranger wanders through a huge reserve, searching for the many people who went mssing there, and also for something personal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-03-2024
6.5

Another good idea without a strong script to carry it

The was really promising, with something mystical about the woods as she slowly seemed to loose touch with reality. But the script was very minimalist, almost unsure about what the real story was, leaving a somewhat empty feeling and a finale that felt like an desperate attempt to leave a mark.
6.5

Skyline

Room full of pretty people must survive an invasion of ugly aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-11-2013
6.5

Good looking B movie

An unusual cross between a B movie with dull actors having tedious arguments, and very decent effects and designs. Guess what's more important in the end?
6.5

Tetsuo: The Iron Man

A bad trip about a man who is slowly turning into metal scrap

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-01-2022
6.5

A good bad trip, but too pointless to be a satisfying movie

What if those creepy black and white 'art student movies' you see in horror films were a full length experience? Maybe it would be something like this. I was quite intrigued at first; it is effectively unsettling. But after while I wondered where it all was going and I lost my curiosity.
6.5

Monsters of Man

Secret field test of killer robots goes wrong when innocent tourists and a an ex-navy seal are at the wrong time and place

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-07-2021
6.5

A lot of reasonable ideas, but no great ones

Despite some really good CGI and adequate amusement, it felt a bit like a mixture underdeveloped themes. Grim violence involving children, the tourist' perspective, the robot operators perspective, the evil corp involvement and a jab at robot existentialism that didn't take of.
6.5

Like Father

When her groom walks out just before the wedding, the bride ends up drunk and taking her long lost dad on the honeymoon trip

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-10-2018
6.5

Nothing stands out

It's got the actors, humor, story line and locations, but all in very restrained, save and average portions, making this a rather average affair. Not bad, but could have used some more spices for my taste.
6.5

Pompeii

Slave gladiator falls for girl above his league, then has to fight his way to freedom through evil romans and erupting volcanos

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-05-2014
6.5

Fine, but not all it could have been

Sort of a fine and good looking flick. Would have been much more intense if the characters weren't as 1-dimensional, the story a bit more refined, and the whole thing looked a little less clean and fabricated.
6.5

Sand Castle

Military squad in Iraq get assigned the task to fix a watersupply, which turns out to be ungrateful and dangerous work

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-01-2021
6.5

it's got the stuff but not the story

They had fine actors, a solid atmosphere, music and four Humvees to make this work, but it just didn't happen for me. The mission, already a bit tedious in nature, needed a level of story telling or tension that just wasn't there. My attention wandered off several times.
6.5

Sex Tape

Couple makes a sex tape to spice up their sex life, but it ends up on the interclouds! Now, how to get it off?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-10-2014
6.5

Little more than it's own tagline

Yes, you'll giggle. But you'll also find that the central joke is pretty much all there is.
6.5

Knock at the Cabin

A family in a cabin gets visited by four people who demand something unimaginable in order to prevent something even more unimaginable

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-03-2023
6.5

Entertaining but ultimaltey unsatisfying mystery

Sure enough, the story made curious and entertained. But I was not blown away. I guess some of the actor are a bit meh (not Bautista though!), the super conveniently timed TV broadcast were lame, and I guess I missed a twist of some kind. Part of me thinks the twist was that there was none.
6.5

In the Earth

Two scientists go deep into the woods to find a lost colleague, where they face mystical natural phenomena

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-12-2023
6.5

Could have used some more focus and excitement

I like it when things get sciency, and it goes well with natural presentation and some slow burning. But in this case, it can be a little too dull, and the story lacked a focus. It felt like it invented itself as it went on.
6.5

Kin

Boy finds a strange superweapon in a deserted factory, which he is forced to use to help out his brother caught up in criminal troubles.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-12-2018
6.5

Too slow and mixed up

Ultimately, I found the unusual mix of science fiction, family drama, crime and a roadmovie uncomfortable, and thought that way up until the finale it was rather slow as well. But I have to give some points for originality,the groovy gun and the finale.
6.5

Bad Biology

Nymphomaniac with multiple clitori crosses path with a guy who's overgrown penis has a mind of it's own. Not porn. I think.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-08-2021
6.5

Weird filth that does what it wants and I commend them for it

This was sort of rebellious and liberating in a way, but perhaps that's just because I watched too many generic and formulaic Hollywood movies lately. Sure it is bad, trashy and bizarre, but somehow it doesn't care and I sort of enjoyed the audacity of it.
6.5

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