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The Golem

A woman tries to defend a secluded Jewish community by summoning a creature from the soil

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-07-2019

Great setting, but second half is too directionless

It lays down a really good mood with the sober, deeply religious and ritualized community. But it feels like they forgot to think through what would happen once the Golem is there, so it starts to feel loose and deflates. The music, while good, was too eager and didn't really fit well.
6

Outside the Wire

After neglecting an order, a drone pilot is send to join a mysterious supersoldier on a dangerous quest

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-01-2021

Tries to be something it's not

With military action and gun-toting robots, this ought to has been my thing. But I was quiet disappointed. Mostly because they talk tough and say deep things, but it all falls completely flat. It's just trying too hard to be cool and relevant without following up on it.
6

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

The chipmunks fear that their dad's love interest might lead him to abandon them, so they set out to sabotage the engagement.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-03-2016

Ok for kids. An endurancetest for adults.

Sure, it's an uncomplicated fun adventure, kids will get some fun out of it, and let's not forget the effects blending so seamlessly we don't even notice them anymore. But a kids movie equally suitable for adults, this is not.
6

Let Her Out

Something's growing inside of a woman... and it starts to take over

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-02-2019

Doesn't do itself justice

The basic idea is quite good and could potentially have resulted in a very intense, physiological and emotional horror. But alas, despite a reasonable beginning, I found the actors weren't up to it and the movie has mostly some plain and borrowed jump scares to offer.
6

The Silent Sea

In a water-deprived future, a team flies to the moon to retrieve a mysterious sample from an abondened base that may hold the key to a sollution

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-01-2022

Some baseline enterntainment but full of problems

As a scifi fan I could get some enjoyment out of this, but it wasn't easy. We have another unlikely crew handling everything rather unprofessionally, the dialogue has oodles of 'naaaah' moments, the story felt broken and actress Doona sucks the life out of it with her apathetic and depressing style.
6

Wounds

Bartender finds distrubing images on a telephone left by a customer, starts seeing bugs and is chosen for a mysterious cult ritual

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-09-2020

Mixed feelings

When slow burning is done wrong, it is just slow. Near the middle it manages to spark some interest, only to loose it again because the writers couldn't figure out how to tie the story elements together. It's pretty ok though, mainly because the performances and created amtosphere.
6

6 Underground

Group of very cool hitman people aim to set free a country from an evil dictator

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-04-2020

Failed experiment

I was in for it; could an overload of non-stop Micheal Bay signature crap eventually transform into a trance-like satisfying experience? We'll never know, because even he couldn't keep up the initial pace, and let this slide off to a more generic and only somewhat amusing actionflick.
6

Tau

Woman is kidnapped by a dude working on some AI thing, so she tries to gain the trust of the artificial intercom housekeeper in order to escape

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-06-2018

Lovely story but difficult to execute - and it shows

While I loved the idea, it would all depend on convincing dialogue and acting whether it would work out. Unfortunately, both are below par and the movie is too slow or mediocre to keep me interested.
6

Mine

After a compromised mission, a soldier hears a mine arm under his feet, leaving him standing pined-down, helpless all alone in the desert

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-09-2017

Overreached

A courageous idea that requires a level of acting and screenplay that this movie unfortunately does not have. Near the end it derails in a swamp of endless cliched flashbacks and emotional scenes that had me begging for it to stop.
6

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Mysterious chocolate maker invites kids to his factory where one will win a price

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-12-2018

I thought it'd be warmer

The original book passed me by, so I may be missing the point. While I can see the magical adventure on offer, I also thought this was rather sterile, cold and strange - especially Depp's performance - up till the point of being uncanny and unpleasant.
6

The Wandering Earth

Earth is equiped with huge thrusters to fly it to a new habitable galaxy, but the journey knows many dangers

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-05-2019

The Chinese are starting to copy the wrong things

I can appreciate huge production values as well as the story, but the execution is chaotic, at times incomprehensible and sadly felt like the Chinese are now emulating the wrong Hollywood kitsch and cliches. It felt like a Chinese Armageddon clone.
6

Man of Tai Chi

In order to help his master and temple, a Tai Chi expert is forced to use this soft style in a hard way in illegal underground fights

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-05-2014

Dozing off during bare-handed fights to the death.... weird

Who knows: these could be some of the most complicated and extraordinary fighting scenes ever. But it is all remarkably boring, because of the unoriginal story and lack of any tension. Keanu portays one of the most dull one-trick pony villains ever.
6

Iron Man 3

Iron man takes on a terrorist

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-10-2013

Iron mess

Mindblowing events and technology, yet noone seems to give a damn. So neither did I. A mess of rushed storytelling, boredom, an unlikable hero, noise and so much Iron man suits that I stopped caring about any of them. Suicide by abundance.
6

Deadpool 2

Deadpool looses his wife and wants to protect some kid

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-10-2019

Lacks substance, just gags

The cynical nature of Deadpool and the kitsch, over-elaborate fighting scenes are the real aces of this movie, but after a while it gets exhausting and overdone, and with only a rather vague and messy story to fall back on I found myself strangely bored for the amount of stuff that goes on.
6

The Great Wall

Fortune seekers looking for gun powder find out what the Great Wall of China was protecting against

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2017

A popsicle

It tries to dazzle with colorful combat suits and pretty scenery, but the fighting and action is so over the top silly that it fails in doing so. It is impossible to take it seriously and therefore this flirt with potentially profound Chinese folklore is merely a quick sugar fix.
6

Zathura

Space Junamji

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-04-2021

Lacking that extra something

This may appeal to a younger audience, but overall I felt it wasn't quite there. Actors are a bit lifeless, jokes fall flat, scenes drag on for too long. It's fine, but missing the spark, magic, wit or funfactor to make it appeal to a broader audience.
6

Avengers: Age of Ultron

The Avengers are being attacked by a malicious computer intelligence as well as evil twins

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2015

Dull and utterly soulless comic mayhem

Eye-candy it may be, but my god this is flat as a pancake. I cared for no one, as none of the characters was scared of anything as they chatted their way through tiresome and over the top nonsense battles.
6

The Titan

On a diminishing earth, some humans are experimentally transformed so they can live on the moon Titan

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-08-2018

Experiment failed

It started okay-ish with a potentially interesting story and decent actors, but it is let down by a slow pace causing my attention to wander off several times, and then the story falls apart as it becomes incomprehensible and weird.
6

Replicas

When a memory transfer scientist looses his entire family in a car crash, he attempts to get them back by cloning them, including their mind

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-08-2019

Mostly a missed opportunity

It's a good idea but never really takes off. Everyone seems disconnected and indifferent about what's going on, it lacks the eerie or fascinating ambience I would expect with a story like this, and it has got one of those annoying air computer interfaces, operated by ridiculous hand movements.
6

Game Over, Man

Three stoned failure teenagers work as housekeepers in a hotel when it gets sieged. Will they save the day

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-01-2021

Mostly a bad taste teenager flick

For some reason I thought this would rise above standard teenage, bad-taste material through better jokes, better humor and plenty of gore to spice things up. But it hardly does so, it really is mostly bad taste teenager flick with perhaps a handful of laugh out moments.
6

Hitman: Agent 47

Evil coorporation plans to revive a program for superhuman killers, but they have to deal with an earlier 'model' of superagent trying to stop them.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-08-2016

Some cool action served in a tired Hollywood sauce

I sort of get the cool and stylish action scenes in here, but it is hard to enjoy them given the the over the top coincidental story and one-dimensional people speaking Hollywood gibberish, like "Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to take things apart"
6

Space Sweepers

Space scavengers find a girl that is also bomb, which marks the beginning of a wild ride

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-04-2021

Could have been fresh, but gave a headache instead

While I like the designs, FX and fresh vibe, I found it hard to get into the restless and erratic style of the movie, and didn't attach to any of the cartoonish, one-dimensional characters.
6

Ready Player One

In a near future, where people spend most of their time living their fantasies in VR, a group of friends aims to solve a grand puzzle in this virtual world

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-02-2019

Childish and patronizing fan service

I am a movie, game and VR aficionado so this ought to have been perfect for me. But I found it hard to get into this childish and strange mixture, and it struck me like it was made by someone who doesn't really play games and was constantly going: see what i did here. You kids like this yes?
6

Phantom

Russian sub must carry a mysterious crew and device along on a mission

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-03-2014

Good intentions drowned in mistakes

Some fine actors and submarine drills can't compensate for a miscasted Duchovny and slow and insecure script. Most exciting scenes are destroyed when, in the heat of a moment, Duchovny asks "what are you doing now", and the captain actually pauses his command and starts to explain!!!!
6

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

The Transylvanian monsters go on a cruise, but they are not free from danger

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-08-2019

Hit and miss. Loads of them.

I am beginning to see that the manic rate of good and bad jokes per minute is a trademark of this franchise, rather than perhaps a way to camouflage the lack of really good ideas. So it's non-stop hit and miss, but ultimately quite forgettable. Except maybe the fish. And the puppy.
6

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Out of place cowboy is dumped by his true love, but gets unexpected help to win her back

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-03-2015

Why the story?

Come on people! Why didn't they just parody the hell out of western movies in true McFarlane style? An ineffective mix of some brutal and bold humor drowned in an uninteresting and righteous love story.
6

Exists

Them kids in a cabin in the woods are terrorized my Bigfoot. All caught with found footage.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-04-2016

Average, quite unoriginal stuff

The more we get to see this creature, the less scary it becomes. And for Christs sake, does it always have to be teenage stoners who experience this stuff? And they brought how many camera's? Sit with the other average found footage horror movies please.
6

Revolt

During a robot invasion, a commando suffering from memory loss teams up up with a woman in trying to survive

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-10-2018

Compotent but underwhelming

I couldn't quite wrap my head around why I was so underwhelmed by this. Action, FX and story seem ok and I like how it was situated in Africa for a change. I fear the bland, slightly uninteresting main characters might have something to do with it.
6

This is the End

Film actors at a party find themselves amidst judgement day... and saviour of the righteous only

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-06-2015

Mostly self absorbed

The idea of the actors playing more or less themselves in a bizarre situation like this is kind of nice. But for the most part, the look-at-how-funny-we-are is tiresome instead.
6

Blackhat

In order to combat cyber assaults on a powerplant and the stockmarket, the FBI calls in the help of an incarcerated superhacker

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-08-2016

Nicely shot nonsense

It looks and sounds slick, but it is ruined by a lazy, romanticized and dumped-down Hollywood view of 'hacking' and a miscasted pretty boy as a hacker. Also, the hacker apparently was allowed to engage in FBI activities like shooting, fighting and pursuit. Preposterous.
6

Zombie Lake

Small town is terrorized by zombies in a lake, eating mostly nude females

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-11-2021

Be ready for the worst and have a good time

Full of technical errors, non-existent effects, dodgy acting, among many other problems. Successful as campy nonsense though, with a plenty of unnecessary nudity. And that one zombie who starts to feel empathy is not something you see everyday.
6

Bloodshot

Soldier and his wife are killed, but he is revived with superpowers so he gets to take revenge

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2021

Lacks characters to make it work

With a few layers and twists on offer, the story is more interesting than I feared it would be, and I counted two pretty decent action scenes. But the one dimensional characters, of whom none is really likable, and the borderline B_movie vibe, make it hard to care about any of it.
6

Home

Colorful aliens take over earth, parking the humans in Australia. But one off them makes friends with a human....
average 6.2

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015

Just another animated movie

An occasional smile during this okay movie, which is based on a rather unclear storyline. The 3d version does not seem to add much to the overall experience...
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-04-2015

A warm and and kind movie, but stumbles over itself most of the time

The aliens lack the looks and cuteness to really shine, and the story is incredibly restless and rushed, especially the first half. Halfway through, when we finally get who is who and what's going on, we find a good and creative heart in this movie.
6.5

The Da Vinci Code

Historian gets involved in relic hunt and cat and mouse game involving dark religious groups trying to cover up our past
average 6.2

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
30-12-2014

I liked the book slightly more

Shallow movie with un unconvincing chain of events and rather lame acting. Some nice cinematic shots every now and then, but not enough to keep a serious critic like myself happy ;)
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2014

Too far fetched

Some might enjoy this modern puzzle into ancient symbols, but I found it hard to buy into the endless array of plot conveniences and over smart people constantly being at the right time and place to solve the next far fetched piece of the over elaborate puzzle.
6.5

Michiel de Ruyter

The life of Michiel de Ruyter, portrayed in 151 minutes
average 6.2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2016

Too presumptuous for it's own good

I can appreciate the detailed depiction of this era and it's sea battles, but this movie insists it is a 'real' pro movie with an overload of cliche movie tricks like slow-motion, too much pretentious music and lord knows how many sub-bass boom sounds - sometimes for no reason at all.
6.5

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015

A mixture of overly dramatic cheap cinematic tricks and shallow acting

Highlights of the movie are the battles at sea, which are rather convincing. Perhaps also somewhat interesting in terms of historical information about this legendary dutch admiral, or for people familiar with the locations this movie was filmed ( I recently visited Vlissingen myself).
6

47 Ronin

A bunch of samurai revenging their master
average 6.2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-09-2014

Classic Samurai tale, but not as exciting as it could be

Loaded with beautiful and colorful Japanese scenery, folklore and tradition. Should satisfy Samurai enthusiasts. I wasn't really sucked in though, perhaps because there's no clear character to focus on.
7

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
06-05-2014

Even one hundred samurai could not have saved this movie

Mythical Japanese story presented as cinematic fairytale with overly dramatic and generally unconvincing acting. Every now and then some nice special effects to keep the bored viewer slightly entertained....
5.5

Blue is the Warmest Color (La Vie d'Adèle)

Girl becomes lesbian

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-02-2016

Beautiful but too long and too slow

You have to admire how the gorgeous lead actrices carry this story with beautifully authentic acting. But everything takes so freaking long in this movie, everything is so spread out that in the end even the intimate love scenes started to bore me.
6.5

Escape Plan

A man's job is to test jail security by actually escaping from them. But then the next gig is a jail that was built on all his teachings.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-04-2014

Too cliched to be great

The characters and story are too much typical Hollywood cliches and fantasies to make this really exciting. So we are left with a mildly entertaining jailbreak flick.
6.5

Kadaver

Live is drab in a postapocalyptic world, so a family is eager to receive a free meal and attend strange performance play in a hotel...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2020

Mostly missed

It deliverers only partially in the endless possibilities for layers and plot-twists. Worse, the level of fear and tension seem to be on the same level constantly, making you immune/saturated after a while, and a little indifferent as well. But I'd still call it decent and original.
6.5

Like Father

When her groom walks out just before the wedding, the bride ends up drunk and taking her long lost dad on the honeymoon trip

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-10-2018

Nothing stands out

It's got the actors, humor, story line and locations, but all in very restrained, save and average portions, making this a rather average affair. Not bad, but could have used some more spices for my taste.
6.5

Evil Dead (2013)

Kids go into the woods to rehab a friend Then they find a book and unwillingly release hell.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-06-2015

Slashing that still leaves you indifferent

As a cabin slasher it appeared solid and effective, yet I couldn't really get scared or excited by it. Characters too dull and silly, story too well known.
6.5

Sinister 2

Mother and two sons living in a desolate barnhouse, where something evil lurks and there's a box of old movies in the cellar...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-09-2019

The movies in this movie are better than the movie

The gruesome, uncomfortable 8 mm footage and the accompanying haunting music are still the highlights of this franchise. But between those parts, it is filling up time with slightly average horror, a somewhat incomplete story and some predictable jump scares.
6.5

Tombraider

Lara sets of the Japan to look for her long missing father, who was investigating a mysterious tomb on a desolate island

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-02-2019

Faithful videogame recreations don't automatically mean it's good

It follows the game really closely, and some of the scenes and scenery were really familiar. But, as much as I loved these games, seeing it recreated with real people just falls short and makes everything shallow, predictable and lifeless. I Guess this exemplifies the problem with videogame movies.
6.5

Finch

Survivor of some world apocalyptic event builts a robot to take care of his dog when he dies

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-01-2022

A nice tale that had slightly more potential

It's a sympathetic tale of human friendship and it works for the most part, growing on me as it went on. However, I think the robot's progress in learning, behavior and humor could have been more subtle, interesting and refined, and making him sound like Borat was part of the problem.
6.5

Sputnik

Sputnik cosmonauts crash on earth, one of them is carying something unearthly with him. A doctor is asked to investigate.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-08-2020

A bit slow

While subjects like this are always a killer, and I liked the Russian take and atmosphere for a change, I found the movie to be rather sluggish. There's a lot of talking and walking through the hallways with too little excitement or tension, nor did I find everything very credible.
6.5

Approaching the Unknown

A skilled engineer and solo astronaut must handle numerous challenges during his the voyage to Mars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-11-2016

Sober scifi with a few letdowns.

It has a lot going for it, like a nice techy (but not necessarily realistic) theme and a pleasant, sober approach that doesn't do cheap thrills. On the downside, the main actor is not really sympathetic, and the single 'capcom' guy plainly sitting behind a desk was just silly and cheap.
6.5

Archive 18

Video repairman gets a myserious gig to restore some tapes, and the footage drags him into the supernatural and occult

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2022

Not quite

It started of well, with a nice blend of horror and mystery, and I liked how the 'found' footage was alternated with 'real' footage. Unfortunately, it was let down by really unrealistic, strangely behaving and talking characters, a onedimensional lead actress and well, it's failure to become scary.
6.5

Nude Nuns with Big Guns

After being sold an abused as a sex slave, a nun sets out to take revenge.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-04-2016

Nice and campy

Much like Tarantino movies, it shamelessly celebrates campy, violent, badly acted, poorly edited movies taking please in sweaty Mexican style landscapes. It does so quite well, but it also doesn't do much more than that. And the guns weren't that big either.
6.5

Adrift

Freshly in love couple sail a boat across the Pacific back to the States. But misery strikes, wrecks the boat and now survival is up to her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-06-2019

Ruined by constant flashbacks

For it's entire duration, the movie alternates the present with flashbacks in which we have to endure a sugar coated love romance with cheesy music to boot. This constantly resets the tension and sensation of despair, making this survival movie much less intense than it could and should have been.
6.5

Sully

On the miracle emergency plane landing on the Hudson where everyone walked away

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017

Over dramatized

The landing appears faithfully recreated and was thrilling to see, but the events surrounding it felt over dramatized. Also, the research committee seemed strangely angry and eager to discredit the pilot's doings, and almost started crying when they couldn't. What??
6.5

Dragon's Dogma

When his family is killed and his heart is stolen by a dragon, a man embarks on a dangerous journey to get it back and slay the dragon

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-12-2020

A more than average manga/computergame movie, but still not great

The journey contains some exciting moments, battles with classic mythological beasts and the theme of seven sins gave it some some depth. But the one dimensional and stiff characters aren't helping to feel much empathy for it.
6.5

Kin

Boy finds a strange superweapon in a deserted factory, which he is forced to use to help out his brother caught up in criminal troubles.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-12-2018

Too slow and mixed up

Ultimately, I found the unusual mix of science fiction, family drama, crime and a roadmovie uncomfortable, and thought that way up until the finale it was rather slow as well. But I have to give some points for originality,the groovy gun and the finale.
6.5

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman hates Superman for the havoc he inflicted battling Zod, and Lex adds to the misery by creating another supevillain. And also...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-09-2016

Tiresome spectacle

A very well made, mostly good looking superhero epic that nevertheless failed to fully make an impression. It was exhaustively messy and cramped, incoherent and sort of depressing. I found Batman totally unlikable and his hatred towards Superman felt forced.
6.5

Skyline

Room full of pretty people must survive an invasion of ugly aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-11-2013

Good looking B movie

An unusual cross between a B movie with dull actors having tedious arguments, and very decent effects and designs. Guess what's more important in the end?
6.5

Maleficent

The fairytale of sleeping beauty with a few of twists added

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-11-2015

Beautiful fairytale without impact

At times pleasing to look at, and Jolie is excellent as well. But it combines mystery, children's humor and more darker tones, resulting in a movie that fails to leave a lasting impression in any of these fields.
6.5

Pompeii

Slave gladiator falls for girl above his league, then has to fight his way to freedom through evil romans and erupting volcanos

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-05-2014

Fine, but not all it could have been

Sort of a fine and good looking flick. Would have been much more intense if the characters weren't as 1-dimensional, the story a bit more refined, and the whole thing looked a little less clean and fabricated.
6.5

Choose or Die

Girl gets caught up in a mysterious vintage game that makes people make horrible choices

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-05-2022

Some entertainment, but not great

For a horror it doesn't really scare much, and overall execution is a little underwhelming. The way the game interacts with the real world seems inconsistent and not very well thought out. But well, there are some new ideas and it does provide some basic amusement value.
6.5

Sex Tape

Couple makes a sex tape to spice up their sex life, but it ends up on the interclouds! Now, how to get it off?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-10-2014

Little more than it's own tagline

Yes, you'll giggle. But you'll also find that the central joke is pretty much all there is.
6.5

Project Almanac

Students built a timemachine

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-09-2015

Lacks inspirantion or a smart story

They have something going on at first, then all they do with the machine is go back in time to party and solve tedious adolescence problems. By the time tampering-with-time troubles finally start, I was kind of done with it.
6.5

Tetsuo: The Iron Man

A bad trip about a man who is slowly turning into metal scrap

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-01-2022

A good bad trip, but too pointless to be a satisfying movie

What if those creepy black and white 'art student movies' you see in horror films were a full length experience? Maybe it would be something like this. I was quite intrigued at first; it is effectively unsettling. But after while I wondered where it all was going and I lost my curiosity.
6.5

Anomalisa

The night before a presentation, a man is trying to make it through a lonely night in a hotel

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-04-2018

Unique but a bit minimal

The combination of puppets a realistic dialogue makes for a unique vibe, and they sure have cooked up an interesting atmosphere. Unfortunately, sometimes I wondered how long I needed listen to the endless chit chat, and it seem they touched some deeper themes but didn't follow through on them
6.5

Passengers

On a hightech spaceship carrying 5000 cryosleeping persons to a new earth, one of them wakes up 90 years too early

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-04-2017

A flawed love story

If found the idea more interesting than execution, which suffers from rather flat, over-directed characters trying to deliver what is eventually a love story in space. The tech/thrills near the end felt rushed and lazy.
6.5

A Scanner Darkly

Cop (sort of) gets involved in drug business by using it himself

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-09-2014

Less than meets the eye

The painted looks of this movie are just great, but I don't quite get why they needed to be in this fairly plain drug story. The effect serves no clear function to me. (Well perhaps there's the shifting suites - but why don't these folks just put on a mask?)
6.5

Good Kill

Pilot of unmaned drones is not happy with it's job

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-10-2016

unfocused and over-edited

I was getting tired quickly of the whining that killing terrorists with a drone apparently isn't exciting enough for these people, and confused because then they start crying because the suddenly have moral conflict with it. Then there's the stiff dialogue and suspiciously insubordinate procedures.
6.5

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Did you know that after killing the witch, Hansel and Gretel became witch hunters?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2013

Tries everything except being scary or exciting

Oh I don't know. They tried their best and it shows. But the witches are just there from the beginning, there is no tension built-up. These loud, semi-artistic fights for people with MTV brains are getting on my nerves too. Mixes too many styles and atmospheres.
6.5

Bad Biology

Nymphomaniac with multiple clitori crosses path with a guy who's overgrown penis has a mind of it's own. Not porn. I think.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-08-2021

Weird filth that does what it wants and I commend them for it

This was sort of rebellious and liberating in a way, but perhaps that's just because I watched too many generic and formulaic Hollywood movies lately. Sure it is bad, trashy and bizarre, but somehow it doesn't care and I sort of enjoyed the audacity of it.
6.5

In the Tall Grass

Pursuing cries for help, a brother and sister get lost in a field of tall grass - where weird stuff is going

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-11-2019

Lacks the quality to make it last

It's an interesting idea, but would require a clever story and/or great actors to make it work for the entire duration of a movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't really have neither, so after a while and starts to loose appeal. Bonus points for trying though.
6.5

Dark skies

Family is being visited by aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-05-2013

Greys don't have much to say

Some good scares and performances. But this movie is so loyal to the alien-visitors handbook that is struggling to fill up the time, resulting in loads of pointless scenes and an anticlimax.
6.5

The Osiris Child

Pilot must save his daughter from a planet overrun by vicious beasts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-04-2019

Bits and pieces

At times this has some pretty graphics, some decent acting and some passable action scenes. But if also features some annoying characters to ruin things, and as a whole felt a bit directionless, and empty.
6.5

Thor The Dark World

Evil forces want to bring darkness to the worlds. Thor intervenes

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-04-2014

Another curious case of stellar looking boredom

I just sat around wondering how I could be so bored with so much beautiful looking stuff going on. Natalie Portman, who is dragged into celestial warfare, doesn't appear to be impressed by any of it either. Points are solely for looks and effort.
6.5

The Uninvited

After psychological treatment, a girl returns to the home where something terrible happened to her mother, and dad's new love interest has moved in as well.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-09-2018

Story is good, other aspects lacking

The horror elements play a supportive role to what is essentially a crime/mystery story, which I found a nice change. There is also an satisfying twist that I did not see coming. Unfortunately, the acting and lines felt superficial, and the lead actress' single-expression face isn't helping.
6.5

Independence Day: Resurgence

Mankind has had a major tech and weapons upgrade, but will it be enough to counter a second alien invasion?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-07-2016

Leave brain at home

I guess it rightfully is the brainless over-the-top popcorn scifi movie it needs to be, so that it doesn't need to make excuses for being shallow, stupid and hardly exiting. Fun, but ultimately I find these movies less and less satisfying. Couple of days later, I have already forgotten most of it.
6.5

Demonic

Woman is asked to communicate with her comatose mother in a 'simulation', but awakens demonic evil in doing so

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-10-2021

Fresh, but should have been better

It's a nifty combination of tech, occult and horror and I liked it. It's just unfortunate that it failed to really make an impression or become really scary. Like the story required some more twists and layers, and should have 'aged' more before making the movie.
6.5

Stalingrad

In WWII the battle for Stalingrad, Russians and Germans fight for a strategically situated building and the few women left in the vicinity

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-10-2014

Actors and story can't keep the few impressive scenes afloat

A good looking - if not over processed - movie, with some very intense scenes that will remain stuck with me. But the rest of story is struggling to bind it all together, with slow and clumsy scenes that fail to show the terror that these men must have been in.
6.5

Bokeh

Two lovers on a vaction in Iceland one day wake up to find they're all alone

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-12-2017

Sympathetic and pretty, but runs out of fuel

Starts of fine with beautiful shots of Iceland, moody music, sympathetic actors and by keeping everything small and intimate. But gradually, the 'pretty scenes with music' start to feel like pointless fillers, and I think it tried to say something religious but I am not sure what.
6.5

The Darkest Hour

Teenagers must make it through an alien invasion in moscow

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2013

A floating light can only be so scary

The abandoned streets of Moscow looked great. But the jumpy characters, the goofy people they meet along the way, and the unscary lights just don't have what it takes.
6.5

Dos

Man and woman wake up in a strange hotelroom, with their belly's sewn together

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-12-2021

Tasteful, but ultimately doesn't make the impression it could

Despite the horrible premise, it stays away from torture porn or excessive gore, focusing instead of the story and mystery of how this came to be. It certainly kept me keen to find out, but performances, the story or big reveal all were a bit mellow to me, leaving me slightly underwhelmed.
6.5

Dumb and Dumber To

They are on the road again, this time to find a new kidney

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-02-2015

Below par

It's slightly entertaining and slightly comical. But for a movie with a legacy like this, that is not enough and a bit disappointing. I'd say there were about 5 really great jokes. Harry and Lloyd's attitude is also kind of mean and nasty, rather than ignorant and clueless, which tasted funny to me.
6.5

Videodrome

In a search for something new for an adult channel, the proucers finds out about what appear to be mysterious snuff movies.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-08-2017

A fine dose of Cronenberg, but he did better later on

It has the the signature Cronenberg oddities and a sense of irresistible filth to it. But it feels kind of old, clumsy and slow by today's standards. Some of the imagery in this movie came back in later work that I found more complete and better executed.
6.5

Rampage

Retired military man running a gorilla shelter, must save the city form mutated monster animals.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-11-2019

Fine for what it is

Based a a videogame with no story to speak of, this movie came it surprisingly well (as in: this could have been much much worse). It's a mindless but fun action blockbuster like most Dwayne Johnson movies, and it works well enough as long as your expectations are realistic.
6.5

Camera Obscura

Predictive murders show up on a depressed man's vintage camera. How far will he go to prevent them?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-01-2018

Good idea delivered somewhat plainly

It's got a great story and almost reels in that 'low budget doesn't matter when you have good ideas and actors' vibe. But I found it lacking that extra touch and sharpness. It ends up somewhat tame and slow. Some of the horrific scenes somehow left me cold.
6.5

Bait

After a tsunami wave, a group of people get trapped in a flooded building with freaking sharks in the water

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-11-2015

Amazingly ok

Amazingly, this movie takes its story rather serious, instead of trying to mock itself and attempting to get by with being an unpretentious B-movie. Even more amazingly, it indeed manages to be fairly entertaining and worthwhile. It's still a move a about sharks in the supermarket though!
6.5

The Colony

Members of a colony, trying to survive in a frozen world, respond to an SOS signal from a nearby colony. But what they find...

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-01-2014

Frozen B-movie

The dark alley scenes: fine. The outside snowworld: even better. But the uninspired badguys and cat and mouse action is just plain mediocre. Then it secures its B-status by having desolate survivors with full make-up on, and Rammstein rockmusic during fight scenes.
6.5

Velvett Buzzsaw

A newly discovered range of paintings from a diseased, unknown artist, causes jalouzy, death and insanity within a high-class art community

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-10-2021

Too sterile to make me care

I guess this inside look into the world of art management and competition for the rich make it worthwhile, but the things going on later are not shocking, strange or thought-provoking enough to really take it to a higher level - They left me as cold as the characters themselves.
6.5

The Zero Theorem

Man, already borderline, is asked to tackle an unsane equation on a computer

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-10-2014

Original and artistically sound, but lacks involvement

The colorful, bubbly and mad future scenery is highly artistic, but also makes it difficult to really pull you in. It won't rise above being a pleasant curiosity, because you can't see any of these people or events happen in real life.
6.5

The Green Inferno

Student activists go protest in the jungle to save the habitat of the local natives, but end up being eaten by them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-04-2018

Eat those annoying actors

The cannibalism and slaughter should please those who like this sort of thing, and the live of the tribe - while not eating - even seemed sort of respectful and authentic. The movie is held back by really annoying characters delivering lots of poorly acted lines.
6.5

The Deep Ones

Couple rents a place by the sea, but the strange hosts soon drag them into strange rituals involving some sea entity (Cthulhu!)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-07-2021

Not scary, but perhaps that wasn't the point. An ode to horror?

Acting and camera work is so clunky that it sometimes feels like you're watching porn. But when I also heard the 50's classic 'whistle' mystery music style I began to suspect they were aiming for a certain atmosphere. It sort of works: it's campy and entertaining. But scary or intense, it is not
6.5

Gerald's Game

In an isolated vacation home, a man ties his wife to the bed for sexy times, then dies of a heartattack

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-08-2020

Not as unbearable as I hoped for

A bold idea, but the lead actress was unable to convey her dread and dismay to the screen, the dialogue with her 'ghosts' seemed a bit childish and like a play, and the twist at the very end seemed unnecessary and farfetched.
6.5

Chappie

Write-off police robot secretly gets a firmware upgrade, making him reboot as a child with a huge learning capacity. But he accidently falls in the hands of not so ideal parents to learn from..
average 6.5

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
23-03-2015

Nice robot, crappy story

Robotics and the consciousness debate are usually my cup of tea, but Chappie definitely failed to deliver in this regard...
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-03-2015

A bitter sweet 7

As much as I adore the hyperrealistic robot visual FX, techyness and idea of this movie, a robot acting like a child acting like a ridiculous Hollywood caricature of a 'gangster' was too awkward to look at. The governance and discipline within this Tetravaal company were also sand in my eyes.
7

Poltergeist (2015)

Family moves into a house in which a ghost goes after the little girl

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-05-2016

A but uninspired

Right from the start it quite mundanely runs by -=scary scenes=-. Then the science team moves in, after which the scares are pretty much gone. The boy's trick of constantly turning his head toward a scary event VERY SLOWLY was also getting on my nerves. DeWitt rose above it all.
6.5

Warcraft

A fantasyworld at peace is suddenly invaded by violent beasts coming through a portal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-10-2016

Surprisingly mature, but still a slightly distant game world

Pleasantly surprised by the quality of the characters, looks and various memorable scenes, and the way that things have a mature quality to them.. But you still may feel like you're thrown in a world you do not know, making it hard to connect with it, or be immersed by it.
6.5

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Warriors are gathered to fight other warriors in another realm

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-06-2021

A step closer to a good videogame movie

With a promising beginning, overall high production standards, appearance of several game characters and even some fatalities (which are oddly more gutting in the game than in the movie) this was close to an actual decent game movie. But the dull, flat characters and story again let it down badly.
6.5

The Lazarus Effect

After succesfully bringing a dog back to live, an accident brings the science team to try the trick on one of their own

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-03-2016

Unremarkable horror despite some good ideas

A promising idea and start can't help this movie from soon ending up with rather cliche and predictable scares and a lack of focus. The science 'team' is also an unconvincing bunch of Hollywood stereotypes.
6.5

Swiss Army Man

A lost and stranded guy finds a corpse on the beach, who's 'special powers' and friendship help him to make the journey home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-08-2017

Just because it's unique doens't mean I like farts

I guess there's points for originality and it sort of works in it's own special way, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being pranked into watching someone's bizarre fart joke fantasies.
6.5

Split

Three girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple identities

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-05-2017

Multiple Personality Disorder annoys me more than it scares me

Frankly, I was somewhat bored and agitated by the multiple identities, especially the laughable behavior of the supposed 9 year old. Apart from the identities there's wasn't much in there, nor did I find it very particularly scary. It's okay, but underwhelming.
6.5

Death Note

Dude finds a book in which he can write down the name of people he wants dead. And it works too.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-09-2020

Somewhat refreshing but not quite terrifying

Never seen the manga it was based on, so I can't comment on that. I thought it was a reasonably fresh horror with some new ideas and twists that make it worthwhile, but the atmosphere was not menacing or scary; It was reminiscent of the Gremlins and Critters-style 'fun' horror, suitable for minors.
6.5

The Other Side of the Door

Devastated by the tragic loss of her son, the woman resorts to an indian supernatural ritual to speak to him one last time - and exectutes it wrongly

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-07-2016

Fair horror

I loved the Indian setting and the story had potential, but ultimately it keeps relying on familiar tricks and I thought everyone was overacting a bit.
6.5

Cryptozoo

Animation about a zoo housing cryptoid creatures, bad people that want them dead and good people trying ot protect them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-10-2021

Great for it's uniqeness, but utlimately a flawed trip

I wanted to like this more, with it's bold ideas, pleasantly strange story and willful drawings. I can see how people describe it as beautiful, but I could also make the case that it can look pretty crude an amateuristic at times. Everyone also seems a bit high and slow, making me sleepy eyed.
6.5

Oculus

Brother and sister try to get even with a mysticial mirror that causes supernatural drama and terror in their childhood

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-09-2014

Some scares, a lot of annoyances

They sure know how to do good scares, and there's some nice ideas for the story framework as well. But the present-past alternations gets tiresome quickly, and I was totally put off by the analytical, cold and utterly unconvincing attitude and going-about of the (present day) sister.
6.5

Snatched

When noone's left to join a womans non-refundable trip to Ecuador, all that's left is her mother.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-04-2018

Fine, could have done with more Amy mayhem

I like Amy Schumer, and she lifts this one above the overpopulated 'amusing comedy with a few laugh out loud moments' - but not by much. Almost as though she held back a bit.
6.5

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