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A Mother of No Destination

First, people that discover the immenent end of the world are hunted down, then the remaining people on a space ark are terrorized

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-08-2021

Let's call it art

Listen, I really tried to look at this as a completely homemade, completely amateur movie, but even then I did not find any redeeming qualities. Maybe it's deliberately trying to be as bad as can be, so that it becomes art or intoxicating. I must admit I felt weird after watching it.
2

Alien Predator

Team of soldiers sets out to investigate what happenend to another team of soldiers who investigated a mysterious crash landing

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-01-2019

Not frosty

All this is are shaky shots of soldiers making their way through the jungle, delivering an (often bizarre) stream of military speak and cliches as they go along. Stay frosty! Some of the make-up effects of dismembered limbs are the only thing of any quality.
2.5

Beneath

Some kids go on a rowing boat but there's a big fish in the water

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2021

Crap without a savior

All I tuned in for was annoying teenagers being eaten. And while that certainly is the case, this movie still manages to disappoint. It fails to latch on to any redeeming factor of such movies, like fun, gore, tension, great fx or jump scares. Nothing. Infuriating and totally unbelievable.
2.5

Dominion

An alien invansion is at hand, but there is other aliens already walking among us but they can't help us with that. And this one guy tries to expose these events and help an alien find his earth girl.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-11-2015

Heinous

A dreadful montage of vague ideas and slow, disconnected actors driving around in big cars doing whatever, with music desperately trying to make it remotely exiting. It is almost impossible to keep your attention to this and not fall asleep. The prologue was oddly interesting by comparison.
2.5

The Stairs

Boy and grandpa find stairs in the woods an go missing. Years later, a group of other hikers find them, unaged. And the stairs. And some demon.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-09-2021

Uninspired and unsuccesful horror

The opening gets by (barely), but the adult hikers are a rather annoying bunch (the metalguy is almost unwatchable) and so are the rather uninteresting and vague events they encounter. It's allover they place, like they just threw in some random horror things to fill it up.
3

Exodus

After the rapture (apparently), a guy tries to find his way to a mysterious door to a better place

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-09-2021

I am sure they mean well. Zzzzz.

It seems the that hardest thing to get right in these low-budget, low-tier movies is keeping the pace and keeping interest. It probably could have been a mysterious, symbolic, thought provoking journey, but it's just agonizingly slow, empty and emotionless journey.
3

EmbriĆ³n

Attempts to tell a strory about (mulitple?) people that went missing or weird after an alien encounter

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-08-2021

A hot mess

My god. A messy, incoherent and incomprehensible mixture of found footage and a 'real' movie , it jumps allover the place to new locations and years (almost with each cut!), pacing is weird and feels made-up as they went along, and I did not understand most of it. Poster art is fake.
3

Teleios

A spaceship docks with a distant spacestation to retrieve a mysterious cargo

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-09-2017

The costumes, my god, the costumes!

I think I needed about 7 attempts to watch this all the way through. It is so goovy and off that I thought it would turn into a spacemovie parody, only to realize in horror they are for real. The rest of it is just painfully boring and features a crew wearing the ugliest costumes of all time.
3

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

Megalodon strikes yet again, and an awoken giant robot adds to the misery

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-10-2016

It lives up to it's title

So yeh, everything is bad about this movie. But it's not snugly enough to reach the elusive so-bad-it's-good status, even though it was off to a good start with the deep cleavage power babes piloting the subs.
3

Atomica

Woman engineer goes to a faulty device transforming nuclear radiation into energy. Something in there is not quite right.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-07-2017

Very cheap - in more than one way

Once she arrives, the only thing that awaits are very long, uninteresting conversations, sub par acting and an empty slow plot in which not much is going on. The poster artwork is completely misleading and does not represent actual footage from the movie. Boooh.
3

Scary Movie V

Spoofs, mostly about Mama and Paranormal Activity

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-11-2013

A hideous collection of jokes with various degrees of failure

I actually liked 'Paranormal Whacktivity' better.
3

Anti Life aka Breach

Crew on a spaceship carrying the last batch of inhabits for new earth get infected turning them into zombies

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-04-2021

Dead on arrival

It doesn't pretend to be much, and it doesn't even try or care either. It feels like they gave up hope pretty early on, and just had everyone running through the same hallway until they were done with it. Utterly empty.
3

Mermaid Down

Mermaid is caught, her tail is cut off, she grows legs and ends up in a asylum with weirdos. Yes.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-05-2020

A weird failure

Is this REALLY the best mermaid story they came up with? It is ludicrous, strangely paced and uncomfortable throughout. It's like the makers were so increasingly ashamed of this movie that they tried bury it up in increasing levels darkness. The frequent 10/10 scores on IMDB are a mystery to me.
3

Left Behind

One day, millions of people disappear in a flash, leaving a pile of clothes behind.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-12-2014

The worst of the eighties

A remarkable exhibit of the worst movie elements from the eighties, brought back to life in the new millennium. Acting, stereotypes, script, humor - all appalling and outdated - accompanied with eighties film music to top it off. Cage must have owed someone a favor!
3

ISRA 88

Two astonauts passing time on their way to the end of the universe

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-04-2017

Unbearingly boring

Possibly it was trying to say something deep. But this barrage of long, pointless, repetitious scenes, goofy acting and plywood set pieces was just god-awful and made sure I didn't care what it was.
3

ARQ

Guy gets caught in a time loop in which he must escape a house from evil people who want his time machine. Sort of.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-11-2018

Repitition can be repetitive

This movie made me appreciate those stuck-in-repeating-day movies more, for doing the same but keeping it interesting still. This one, however, is agonizingly repetitive, narrow and has a crawling pace and boring actors. Too bad about the snappy beginning a synth soundtrack.
3.5

Halo: Nightfall

A new type of enemy weapon emerges, so brave soldiers must go back to the Halo to resolve it. I think.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-11-2015

Really drab. feel free to reuse the props in a decent story

Some of it looks satisfactory, but I was bored out of my mind with this extremely poorly paced movie with ultra dull characters chatting and fighting in a completely unconvincing mission in deep space that is immediately and only compromised by..... worms. This is not Halo man.
3.5

God's Not Dead

Christian student is forced to prove the existence of God by one of those malicious atheist philosophy teachers. There's also substories of other idiots (like cancer patients and muslims) finding God

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-08-2016

but this movie is

I was sort of hoping for some passionate debate with interesting arguments from both sides, but that came out underdeveloped and sloppy, smothered in the cringe worthy side stories, performances and bizarre depiction of atheists. Thank God all heretics died.
3.5

Paranormal Whacktivity

Sexually frustrated couple is haunted by ghost (also sexually frustrated)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-10-2013

A terrible movie that almost made it to being just bad

Amateuristic, improvised, messy and - worst of all - unfunny throughout. But: I think they had fun on the set, and the actors could have, in theory, pulled this off. Something actually funny was lurking in the shadows.
3.5

Fear Street part one: 1994

Mysterious killer kills youth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2021

A hot mess

Sometimes you don't like a movie and move on, and sometimes and it really bugs you. Like this one. A disjointed, messy movie that has some uninteresting teenagers making their way through tedious cliche horror events. Vague, boring and uninspired. No, I am not watching the other 'parts'.
3.5

Dark Space

Teenagers boost the spaceship taking them to a party planet, but in doing so they end up on a hostile planet where evil lurks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-11-2014

A different writer please

I could have sympathized with this for some reasonable effects and designs, good intentions and the cute Saitek joystick prop. But they made it sheer impossible to do so, with appalling dialogue, hopeless characters and a world record amount of creature-flashes-by-the-screen-with-loud-sound scares.
3.5

Shanghai Fortress

Shanghai defends against an alien invasion. With a big canon.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-07-2020

Arrogant empty shell

How the hell did they get such a big budget to make such bland, generic, lifeless movie? It radiates arrogance. The numerous 'emotional' scenes with cheesy minor piano chords fall flat completely because I didn't know or care who these people are!
3.5

Alien Warfare

Specialforces team is scrambled to investigate what happened to some lab. (it was aliens!)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-08-2021

Almost abysmal

There is something about it that keeps it from being completely abysmal. Perhaps the borderline passable actors, the almost successful attempts at jokes, some slightly interesting moments, some semi ok action. But make no mistake, this is a pretty crappy movie. Those alien suits, gees.
3.5

400 Days

4 people spent 400 days in a mockup spaceship to test the effects of long term space travel. Will they keep their sanity... and what's going on outside?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-09-2016

Annoying

Right from the beginning I was incredibly annoyed by this. Everything and everyone is so phony, cheesy, unrealistic and slow. There's a pale spark of excitement in the whole 'what's happening' mystery, but I wonder if even the writers really knew.
3.5

Somnus

The crew of a spaceship are in danger when the board computer turns rogue

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-12-2017

Slow and bad looking

The atmosphere and some of the interior design were promising. But soon it dwells into endless, static conversations, misguided and pointless scenery (what were those jellyfish? What's with the train?) and increasingly worse visuals. With that creature on asteroid-city, they seemed to have given up.
3.5

The Device

Two sisters (and a douche) retreat to a sumercabin to overcome past trauma. But what they find only brings them extraterrestial misery.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-02-2015

It's plain bad

There are a lot of things wrong with this amateuristic scifi horror. Like the cheesy aliens and the many awkward overlong chat scenes. But the completely misleading, non-representative poster artwork is really criminal. Tssssk!
3.5

Seance: the Summoning

Some teens comfortably go into a morgue to summon spirits between corpses, then seem frustrated if things getting scary indeed

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-04-2018

Not even God can save this movie

A hopeless movie with too many things wrong to even list. When it's halfway it reveals itself as a reli-flick. They figure it's not just any ghost they summoned, but a demon and therefore they need to invoke the power of Christ - who must be embarrassed by this.
3.5

The Internship

With no relevant skills, two sacked salesmen enlist for an internship at Google.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-02-2014

404 humor not found

Instead of having a ball with the funny premise, this movie is extremely generic, consisting entirely out of tiresome jokes and gut-wrenching Hollywood cliches so banal it made me look away from the screen.
3.5

Air Strike a.k.a. The Bombing

In a chinese village under constant bombardment from the Japanese, a Chinese pilot is sent on a ground mission to transport a valuable cargo.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-11-2018

A tiresome mess

So I saw the version with English voiceovers for all Chinese people so that Bruce Willis didn't need to speak Chinese. It makes this mess of a cringe movie even worse, no matter how many explosions there are. The shelter scene is oddly impressive by comparison, like it was made by a different team.
3.5

Gantz

Anime series about people who get to hunt monsters (aliens?) after they have been killed in an accident

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-01-2020

I gave up

I thought I'd give this a try since I quite liked the digital movie 'Gantz:O' that was based on this. I tried to persevere, but just couldn't finish this due to it's slow nature and endless waves of atrociously bad and bizarre acting and dialogues - between and even during the monster fights.
4

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

The winners from the previous games are used to suppress rebellion or something

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-03-2014

Pretentious, boring and annoying

I found it impossible to care about this world or any of the lifeless flat characters inhabiting it. I didn't understand what they were doing or what was driving them, and was annoyed and bored out of my mind. One of the rare movies I switched off - so I guess you could say I liked Sharknado better.
4

Alien Outpost aka Outpost 37

Mockumentary of soldiers in some outpost fighting aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-05-2015

Badly done scifi

A confusing, unexciting and poorly done movie with bland characters. It is slow, uninteresting and misfires with really phoney 'interviews' in between. The whole documentary approach can't save it.
4

Doctor Sleep

Now an adult, the boy from The Shining has managed to take control of his ghosts when he sets out to help another gifted girl

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-08-2020

Sacrilege yourself

Well this sequel seemed like an unholy idea to begin with, but since apparently King himself wrote it I was hopeful. Alas, it really is a sacrilege that fails to become scary, stuff they bring back from the Shining instantly looses it's appeal and the sucking of 'scare smoke' was just so childish.
4

The Holly Kane Experiment

Scientist is working on a therapy involving mind alterations, but shady people start to approach her. Who can she trust?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-12-2018

You don't fool me

This movie likes to think it is deep and intelligent, but instead is tedious and shallow. The science is vague and pointless, and why is everybody constantly dining out?
4

Project Ithica

A group of people random people find themselves strapped and arranged in a circle .... inside a spaceship?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-05-2020

Gets tired quickly

Watching these annoying, unsympathetic, sweaty people moaning and screaming in turns gets tiring very quickly. There is hardly any any point to any of it.
4

V/H/S: Viral

A bunch of unrelated horror fantasy stories, except that they all contain some amount of filming. Not necessarily on VHS though.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-07-2015

Messy

I'd like to think there is a deeper meaning behind the foul nastiness. But it felt like an unpleasant, loud and incoherent peak in some perverted minds' shock fantasies. 'Yeh so like there's skate dudes and then zombies come.' End of story. That parallel dimension thing was alright though.
4

The Last Witch Hunter

Cursed to live forever, a witch hunter is faced with his old nemesis again in the present times

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-01-2017

Boring and superficial

The miscasted Diesel lacks the character and cannot show the burden of centuries of witch slaying. Also, the stories, conversations and even the action scenes are yawn-inducing. None if it flows well.
4

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Something with large and loud robots helping some kid and earth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2013

Unbearably loud

That's it. I have grown old. Some years ago, I would still have fallen for the stellar CGI and non-stop heavy duty action. But as off now, I can no longer stand this hysteric, over-the-top, screaming insane action and was struggling not to switch this off.
4

Assasins Creed

Some guy from a line of medieval assissins takes trips back in time with some machine to find some magic apple

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-05-2017

Stupid and liveless

I guess the effort is there, but what a bummer. The whole time travel thing was unnecessary, incomprehensible and preposterous. Why didn't they just cook up a story situated in the past? Also, icecold characters throughout, cheesy and dumb lines and too much footage of people gazing in the distance.
4

Catwoman

Girl murdered, then ressurects with cat powers. Revenge.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-06-2014

Maybe girls like it

The problem is that they made this into some sort of girl movie, with girlpowermusic, a love interest with a Ken, an evil beauty make-up corporation and a bouncy and goofy main character. Worse: they managed a half-naked woman walking around in leather to be completely non-sensual.
4

Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

It's not just bugs that run over Mars, but an evil politician tries to destroy the entire planet - inhabitants included. Troopers to the rescue.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2017

Ruined by the characters

Some of it looks dated, some of it looks quite good, some action scenes I liked. But it's all in vain, because of the ultra cheesy, cringe worthy characters that make it feel like a Powerrangers episode... but not in a good, satirical way like the original managed to pull of.
4

The Starving Games

A parody of guess which movie

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-08-2015

A turkey of the second kind

A rather dumb and unfunny fest of bad jokes, though some might still accidentally trigger a slight smile now and then. Not the worst of bad parodies.
4

Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse

Historian and son find a pattern in world disasters pointing to the end of the world, and set out to stop that from happening

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-08-2015

ehmmmmm.....Yup, it's a B-movie

For a while I thought it had a change of becoming at least a reasonable B-movie, but then it quickly sank into the usual mandatory B-movie swamp - like endless car driving and non-stop action music, no matter what's on the screen.
4

Transformers: Age of Extinction

The humans built their own transformers, not realizing what they created. Autobots come to the rescue.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-10-2014

near torture

This movie looks AWESOME and is a production triumph. You can however, barely watch this. It is crammed with excessive, loud, stupid, endless, insane action, terrible humor, restless angled camera shots, rushed montage, cliches, bucket loads of kitsch and oversaturated color. Somebody make it stop.
4

The Machine

Scientist attempts to cure his daughter by hacking a government project for revitalising brainddead soldiers, but builts a new kind of robot in the progress. Sort of

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-03-2015

Too boring, too B

While it manages to squeeze out a couple of moody scenes, it is mostly a very slow, quite boring movie that keeps relying on the same tricks and scenes over and over again. I also thought the robot's behavior was how a five year old would portray one.
4

Rings

More people watch the cursed video

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-10-2017

Lazy

What a terrible, lazy sequel compared to the terrifying original. Half of it is a rehash of the original and the other half a contrived attempt to make sense of sequel in the first place. Cheap jumpscares, generic adolescent actors and even the music sounds uninspired.
4

The Rebels of PT-218

During ww2, a cargoship is performs a heroic attack on canons on the shoresline

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-08-2021

Unsuccesful attempt to make a warmovie with little resources

If you have no budget, should you make a movie about something complicated as naval combat? While some scenes actually get by, the constant black or white surroundings are suspicious. What's more: the movie is not about a PT-218 (torpedo boat) at all, and everything else is a bit meh too.
4

Ender's Game

A youngster is the chosen one to be trained as spacefleet admiral and repell alien threat

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-07-2014

Kids in space

These kids are trained for space command by having them play a pointless Harry Potter floating game! This unwatchable movie is full of such nasty face palm moments, burying the sharp looking visuals deep beneath the surface. "He has a complicated response to authority" - who talks like that?
4.5

Jiu Jitsu

Man with memory loss appearantly is member of a team fighting a (very) Predator-like alien from another dimension

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2021

Nope. Still a B movie.

With steady reference to a comic book, some boldsy camera work and heaps of crazy martial arts this might have winded up being smirky and fun. But it is mostly tedious and bizarre, and the lead character appears to have been typecasted as a universal B movie karate dork.
4.5

Into The Storm

Tornados

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-12-2014

Cloaked with bad decisions

The question is: can you handle obnoxious teenagers with all kinds of uninteresting teenager problems, an unlikely crew of unlikable people, stiff acting and a pointless handheld camera approach in exchange for a few amusing tornado shots? Well, can you?
4.5

Gods of Egypt

Exhiled Horus gets a change to reclaim his crown with the aid of a mortal thief

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-10-2016

Nice demo

Looks and feels like a computergame. Come to think of it, games nowadays have more interesting en deep characters than this painfully boring, flat and hollow production. It's always an embarrassing experience when so much is going on and you don't care about any of it.
4.5

Geostorm

Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2018

All things wrong with big Hollywood productions

A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.
4.5

Movie 43

Teenagers scout the internet for a movie that doesn't exist, taking them through various bizarre movies as they go

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2014

fascinatingly unfunny

In itself I can see potential in the jokes on offer. But I just gazed at these clumsy, grime and bizarre sketches without laughing once, becoming almost fascinated in the process. It's one of those 'You need the right drug first' movies, but if you find which one, it could be hysterical.
4.5

Cars 2

McQueen and Mater get caught up up in a spionage and racing adventure.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-07-2013

Let's put in everything, kids gotta like something

Looking at this through the eyes of my children, I felt exhausted and embarrassed by the loud, hectic and rushed screenplay, overcomplicated story, and Mater shooting miniguns. But there must be something wrong with my eyes because they still seemed to enjoy it.
4.5

The Call-Up

Some gamers are invited to play a game in a lifesize simulated environment. It's all fun and games, until people actually die.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-01-2018

No twist?

I liked how it was all set up and some of the music in the beginning. But soon enough it is evident that the actors or screenplay are below par. But what bugged me the most is that they missed the opportunity to add some double layers and twists into the story, of which I can easily think of some.
4.5

Kin Dread

Traumatized guy, confined to a room making soundseffectcs, discovers something strange in his apartment and about his past

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-11-2021

Could't follow or care

There might be a clever and interesting idea in here, but I am afraid it didn't quite come out for me. It was just to hard to follow, too vague to make sense and often got stuck like a car in a the mud.
4.5

IO

Woman is trying to find cures for a dying world, but an uninvited stranger urges her to join him and catch the last rescue ship into space

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-01-2019

Sympathetic but very boring

I really tried to get into the flow of this slow-burn movie, as a small, delicate an intimate story about big issues. But boring is boring, and the quasi-meaningful dialogue and cascade of pointless scenes made me yell COME ON too many times.
4.5

Renegades

Navy seals divert from their mission to recover lost nazi gold form a Bosnian Lake

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-06-2021

blub blub

Instead of the nail-biting, claustrophobic movie the storyline caters for, it came out surprisingly dull and lame. Characters are boring, nothing really works, pacing is off, music is off, story totally implausible. It sinks even further when it tries to be witty.
4.5

The Phoenix Project

Four scientists in a garage try to revive dead animals

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-03-2015

Experiment failed

This could and should have been a geeky mind bending gem like Primer. But it is achingly slow at times, the science is underpowered and the scientists behave unnatural. Especially that Carter guy, who single-handedly wrecks this movie with really painful, unwatchable and ridiculous overacting.
4.5

I, Frankenstein

Frankenstein's monster's chosen profession, being alive and all, is demon hunter. Together, with gargoyles!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2014

Pointless and quite uninteresting

The creation of the monster is briefly told in flashbacks while the opening titles are still running. The fact that he is Frankentein's is hardly relevant. He is basically a strong, civilized dude fighting demons, in a dull and stiff copycat of Underworld and Van Helsing Gothic stylistics.
4.5

Infini

Rescue squad gets transported to a distant space base to save the last survivor

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017

Looong everyting

Occasionally it strikes a chord, but EVERYTHING - be it people talking, staring, chasing, monologuing, contemplating, fighting, briefing or debriefing - takes so freaking long it starts to mess with your mind.
4.5

Away

Mum goes to Mars. Away from her family.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2020

Soggy family drama with occasional space things

Don't get tricked into thinking this is a scifi adventure. This is a soap opera, featuring an insanely uncooperative and unprofessional crew, bitching and moaning and solving tedious problems like the water supply and the flue. Back on earth, there is slow nagging family drama and diseases. Ugh!
4.5

The Mummy

Modernday thief digs up a mummy that wasn't supposed to be found, for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Underperforms in many fields

A surprisingly boring flick that feels like it was made ten years too late and does a lot of things wrong. I was especially annoyed by the humorless role of the female interest, it never got scary or tense and it severely lacked some good music.
4.5

Capsule

Astronaut depens heavily on radiohelp from earth to get his faulty capsule to return home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-11-2016

A lot more was required to make it this bold idea work

A bold mov(i)e which almost exclusively shows the astronaut strapped in his seat. But the amateuristic, jumpy astronaut, the repetitious dialogues and unconvincing procedures are way insufficient to make it work. There's a twist at the end, but if you made it that far you'll probably no longer care.
4.5

Other Life

Scientist invents memory injections, but when it is used against her the line between real and artificial memory starts to blur

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Lifeless

Nothing wrong with the idea, but it is let down by the miscasted lead playing the cocky, cold emo-scientist. The story is also annoyingly vague, and not in the intriguing, mind-bending way I was hoping for. A few days after watching this, my wife asked how it ended and I had no idea what to say.
4.5

Warning

A bunch of (related?) stories, with perhaps future technology and mankind as a central theme

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-11-2021

Vague unrewarding stories

Incomprehensible at first, I got some ease of mind when I realized it's just some vague ideas and separate stories glued together in a movie. In itself still a feasible concept, but in here it was just a bit pointless and directionless, without any payoff.
4.5

Parallels

A mysterious phonecall from a missing father leads people into a strange building that opens up to alternate earths

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2017

Nice idea poorly executed

Love the basic idea, but it's executed poorly with rather annoying young adults delivering really bad lines and making everything seem hopelessly amateuristic.
4.5

Fifty Shades of Grey

Woman falls in love with mysterious and wealthy man, but he has sadomasochistic desires

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016

What a turnoff

Mostly a boring soap opera where they speak in Hollywood cliches. Their relationship is ice cold and unconvincing. The woman is confusingly flip flop towards the SM, and the corresponding scenes are bullshit as they kept it 'romantic' and pretty to look at. A feather? Really!?
4.5

Magellan

Astronaut on a lone mission to investigate signals suddenly coming from various locations in our solar system

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-09-2021

Unable to compensate for the little resources it had

An irresistible story and some of the space graphics are not too bad. But they contrast starkly with the amateuristic 'interior' of the spaceship, and the bizarre procedures of the space flight and handling of possible alien artifacts (plastic bag?). I also missed a point or clue to any of it.
4.5

Riddick

After being left for dead on a hostile planet, a ship full of mercenaries is Riddicks's only way off the planet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2014

A B-movie in disguise

Non-stop pretty, but also painfully slow, tedious and full of uninspired really poor dialogue. They are too eager to portray Riddick as a mysterious, ubercool, enigmatic hero, instead turning him into an unsympathetic showoff.
4.5

Insurgent

In a future where people are living in factions based to their personalities, a group of rebels aim to break these boundaries

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2016

Can you make it till the end

I am afraid I loathe these 'young adult' future novels as of late. I can't stand these plastic, one dimensional people living in these ridiculous worlds doing unlikely stuff, always looking oh so pretty as they go along. The only savior are the imaginative and classy 'sim' scenes near the end.
4.5

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Man - who is also a burning skeleton motor cyclist - must rescue boy who... ah whatever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-02-2013

Burning boredom

If looking at a burning skeleton hero obliterating devil scum is still boring and liveless... something must be wrong.
4.5

Slenderman

Some kids summon slenderman

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-08-2019

Slenderman deserves better

I really like the slenderman figure and wanted to like this, but the lead actresses don't really convince, and everything is just moving very slowly from one scare to the next, filling up time in a story that feels a bit loose and lacking ideas, and ultimately, never gets really scary.
5

A walk among the tombstones

Private detective searching for a bunch of sickos mutilating and killing the loved ones of drug dealers

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015

Another movie with Liam Neeson, definitely not one of his best

I am still wondering what the writers were thinking, as well as Liam Neeson reading the script. Watching a goldfish in a fish tank for 114 minutes must be more exciting than this...
5

The 5th Wave

Girl tries to rescue her little brother amidst an alien invasion in 5 waves

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-08-2016

Derailed

After a reasonable start, it derails in cheesy teenage love stories, unexciting screenplay, annoying army-squads comprising of teenagers and emo's, and sloppy movie making with aliens that conveniently look just like humans.
5

Captain Marvel

A woman with superpowers and generic green aliens and avengers and tessaracts and whfff

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-09-2020

I felt nothing

A cheerful, colorful, slick looking action superhero movie that went straight through me.
5

Nightflyers

The crew on a spaceship, on it's way to make contact with alien lifeforms, finds itself in more and more peril as they come closer

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-03-2019

These poor series still contain enough mystery to make it worthwhile

So for this monumentally important mission, they assembled the most insecure, insubordinate, fashion-conscious and unstable crew they could find and make them improvise the entire mission in an insanely incoherent way. But apparently I love space mystery so much that I still watched it. All of it.
5

The Brothers Grimsby

Lowlife british scumbag finds his long lost brother, and gets involved in his MI6 spy job along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-12-2016

Unprecentented vulgarities are not enough

Some of the scenes are so unbearably low and vulgar that in itself they could have given this movie some sort of cult status. Unfortunately, the lame action and humorless story surrounding is gets rid of that option.
5

Silent Hill Revelation

Girl must save her father, who is trapped in a place full of demons

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-09-2013

Not as scary as it looks

This contains some very moody scenery and genuinely nightmarish footage. But the girl's plan is basically walking from one demon challenge to the next, and the rest of the story is either boring or incomprehensible.
5

Monster Hunter

Army ranger accidently winds up in another dimension where she must fight monsters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-03-2021

Awesomeness that left me cold

Such a potential premise, such a big budget, yet still so uninteresting and shallow. I thought only the finale back on earth was somewhat badass. The movie seems to look a lot like the game it was based upon, so perhaps fans will get more out of it.
5

The Last Full Measure

Pentagon hotshot reluctantly investigates a request for a posthumous medal of honor, and gets more and more involved as he talks to the veterans

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-09-2020

Overdone

They managed to get a whole bunch a A-list actors giving all they got. But it feels overacted, over dramatized and forced down your throat. The clips during the end scroll demonstrate how veterans ACTUALLY talk. A noble cause for sure, but unnecessarily heavy-handed. Boring, even.
5

Forbidden World

Astronout lands on a base where an alien experiment get out of hand

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-10-2021

Didn't turn out to be a classic

I watched this old nugget for some nostalgic quirks and perhaps hidden gems, but I am not sure I found them. Sure it has some remarkable nonsense and campy effects, but it's mostly just a bit crappy.
5

Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie

I think it's about cyborg major leading a team to resolve the assassination of the prime minister

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2017

Too complicated, not enough magic

It kept some of the magic of the original, but what it kept mostly is endless incomprehensible techno/politics that I could not stay focused on. It's not bad looking, but most of the art of the first movie is no longer here.
5

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Fox and friends engage in a war with local farmers when they steal chickens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2021

Did not push my buttons

It looks and feels artistically sound and could please Roald Dahl fans. Personally, I found the puppets not very pleasant to look at and I don't like the storytelling much. It's not outstandingly funny, exciting or clever, I did not know how to process it and even got a bit strangely agitated.
5

The Phoenix incident

You know those 4 skatedude guys who went missing in Arizona? It was aliens man!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-12-2015

Too shaky

Hurah! It's not just found footage; it's loud, noisy and restless shaky footage too. Which makes this mockumentary, shoving a conspiracy down our throat, rather tiresome and lame.
5

Hungerford

Some roomies/friends try to survice, after space visitors turn everyone into zombies. Good thing one of them was just doing a film project.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2020

A minimal found-footage flick with annoying protagonist

I should sympathize with what they managed to create using very little resources, but it really was pretty basic zombie stuff. Some acted pretty good, some were ok, but the main character was a really annoying dude, I started to despise his constant heavy breathing and drama.
5

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

More huge titan monsters are awoken, and only Godzilla can restore the balance

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2019

Humans ruined earth AND this movie

Ruined by hollow, cringy and unfunny characters that speak exclusively in kitsch onelines and are monster experts, submarine commanders and anything else that comes their way. The monsters can't save it either, because, while fairly good looking, their fights are hard to follow and uninteresting.
5

USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

This ship went on a secret mission to deliver the atomatic bomb, but was sunk on the way back, leaving the few survivors in hellish waters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017

Overreached

This movie's overblown ambitions of doing war, drama, survival, courtroom and romance contrast sharply with bad fx, uninspired screenplay, half-baked actors and dodgy editing. I was bored watching those men get eaten by sharks, which can't be right!
5

Captain America: Civil War

All superhero's turn on each other for some reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2016

More boring and emotionless over the top stuff

In endless talking scenes, which made my son decide to watch something else, all sorts of story-lines from other movies are desperately and uninterestingly brought together. The battles are frantic but boring because noone ever gets hurt. And I still don't care about anyone.
5

Independence Daysaster

Aliens strike from above and below, smalltown folk (and president) scramble into action

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-04-2014

Bad - but sympathetic and unpretentious

You B-movie you! With your continuous bombastic music blasting over shaky camera shots of people constantly jumping in and out a car! But it's sort of all right, it does what it can. Effects are sufficient. Fair game.
5

Synchronicity

Small teams get a timemachine to run work, one of them gets caught up in paradoxes

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-06-2018

The story is there. Execution is not.

There's probably a really clever, if not somewhat difficult to follow, story in here. But the really lackluster execution, dull performances, suspiciously limited locations and depressing dark colors made me struggle to care... no matter how much bladerunner music they throw in!
5

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

With inside help, Alice gets a change to destroy the T-virus once and for all

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-06-2017

Looks alright, feels numb

Much like the previous parts, this looks good and has some creative, vicious beasts on offer. But it also features the same hollow, boring screenplay and empty characters. It feels like a bunch of monster challenges glued together.
5

The Finest Hours

Against all odds, courageous men on a small coastguard boat sail into a storm to help the crew of a wrecked oiltanker

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016

Sunk

Not withstanding the good looks and production values, I thought this was a mess. The 50's atmosphere felt cliched, all characters are either obnoxious, one-dimensional or off, the love story was getting on my nerves and I was sort of glad it was over.
5

Pacific Rim: Uprising

The monsters have been defeated, but not for long

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2019

Do you like robot fights?

Listen, I just came here for giant robots smashing huge monsters, and got what I wanted. Never mind that every person in this movie is a ridiculous Hollywood abomination and everything they say and do is stupid as can be, making this essentially a horrible Power Rangers movie with no soul.
5

Flatliners (2019)

Med students have themselves killed and take a peak at the afterlife before they are reanimated. But all is not fun and games.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-08-2019

Same problem as the original, executed worse

Like the original, the concept is awesome but I still find the clue rather dull and unsatisfying. Worse, in this version some of characters are quite annoying, some of their lines rather cheesy and the scares copied and uninspired. I was waiting for everyone to just say sorry and get this over with.
5

Halo 4: forward unto dawn

Cadets getting trained for combat in the halo universe

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-08-2013

Mission failed: please try again

What happened? They got great looking props, effects, a spot-on color palette, an exciting Halo playground, and even the warthog. Yet all they came up with are close-ups of whining and insubordinate teenagers, and a minimal story that's still going nowhere.
5

Sweet Home

A group of very different people in an appartment building is faced with fighting monsters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2021

The characters hit a nerve I did not know I had

The groundwork was promising; colorful cartoon-like imagery, pleasantly weird monsters and potentially interesting group dynamics. But none of the people is particularly likable. In fact I started to despise many of them up until the point I could no longer watch it. Never had this before.
5

The Monuments Men

In WWII, a specialized group sets out to save artworks from destruction or being stolen by the nazis

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-09-2014

A very boring movie

A moviesubject in danger of being boring. And despite the A-list of actors and undoubtedly good intentions, I am sorry to say that it is.
5

Sex Ed

Mathteacher can't find a suitable job, so he settles for giving sex education to teens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-01-2015

Sex ought to be funnier than this

It had a lot going for it. A funny idea, a mellow Cuban vibe and potential. Unfortunately, the jokes won't ignite and many scenes just fall flat. Also contains a painfully misguided good-will-hunting-ish speech scene that isn't even trying to be funny.
5

The Huntsman: Winter's War

An alternative, side-story story situated around the area and events of the snow white fairy tale

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2017

Nothing to stand out or excite

I think the good intentions are there, but I found it rather flat and uninvolving, appearing rather insignificant next to giants like The Lord of the Ring.
5.5

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