Let's call it art

Listen, I really tried to look at this as a completely homemade, completely amateur movie, but even then I did not find any redeeming qualities. Maybe it's deliberately trying to be as bad as can be, so that it becomes art or intoxicating. I must admit I felt weird after watching it.

Heinous

A dreadful montage of vague ideas and slow, disconnected actors driving around in big cars doing whatever, with music desperately trying to make it remotely exiting. It is almost impossible to keep your attention to this and not fall asleep. The prologue was oddly interesting by comparison.

Crap without a savior

All I tuned in for was annoying teenagers being eaten. And while that certainly is the case, this movie still manages to disappoint. It fails to latch on to any redeeming factor of such movies, like fun, gore, tension, great fx or jump scares. Nothing. Infuriating and totally unbelievable.

Not frosty

All this is are shaky shots of soldiers making their way through the jungle, delivering an (often bizarre) stream of military speak and cliches as they go along. Stay frosty! Some of the make-up effects of dismembered limbs are the only thing of any quality.

Not much here and everything takes too long

In the beginning there are some ok-ish elements that made me hopeful this was a low-budget but creative and interesting scifi movie. I was wrong. The main problems are the very thin script and almost absent directing. And all scenes are way too long, making my attention wander off constantly.

Perhaps if it had decent stories

The stories consist of computer graphics alternated with (amateur?) actors doing stuff, with no real sense of connection. It's all quite hopeless, even if if the clumsiness of it all almost makes it sympathetic. The truly unforgivable sins were the supervague stories and random sensationalist title.

A hideous collection of jokes with various degrees of failure

I actually liked 'Paranormal Whacktivity' better.

The costumes, my god, the costumes!

I think I needed about 7 attempts to watch this all the way through. It is so goofy and off that I thought it would turn into a spacemovie parody, only to realize in horror they are for real. The rest of it is just painfully boring and features a crew wearing the ugliest costumes of all time.

Dead on arrival

It doesn't pretend to be much, and it doesn't even try or care either. It feels like they gave up hope pretty early on, and just had everyone running through the same hallway until they were done with it. Utterly empty.

Uninspired and unsuccesful horror

The opening gets by (barely), but the adult hikers are a rather annoying bunch (the metalguy is almost unwatchable) and so are the rather uninteresting and vague events they encounter. It's allover they place, like they just threw in some random horror things to fill it up.