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The Brothers Grimsby

Lowlife british scumbag finds his long lost brother, and gets involved in his MI6 spy job along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-12-2016
5

Unprecentented vulgarities are not enough

Some of the scenes are so unbearably low and vulgar that in itself they could have given this movie some sort of cult status. Unfortunately, the lame action and humorless story surrounding is gets rid of that option.
5

Sing

In an animal world, a koala arranges a singing contest talent show

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-12-2016
7

Delightful

A delightful movie with great music tracks and characters that will steal your heart. I did feel that the story could have used some more details, and they could have had some more fun with using odd animal species rather than the obvious choices seen here (monkeys, pigs, elephant).
7

Rogue One

How the rebels stole the plans for the Death Star

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-12-2016
7.5

Staying loyal to the franchise has it's drawbacks

Despite exquisite action scenes and many memorable Starwars moments, something felt tired. How many dramatic Vader entrances must I care for? How many nameless (and still incompetent) stormtroopers killed? How many shields disabled just in time? How much dangling in high shafts?
7.5

Big Hero 6

Talented young inventor must befriend (and upgrade) a clumpsy medical robot in order to save the world from his own invention

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-12-2016
8

Excellent

A fantastic animation that is spot on with exiting action, great visuals, humor and it is not afraid to reach some deeper emotions as well.
8

Zoolander 2

Derek has retreated and gone out of fashion, but must come back into action to save his son

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-12-2016
6

Not up to their potential

I dig the whacky Zoolander world and humor, but unfortunately this story was too formulaic and good jokes too scarce.
6

Triple 9

Corrupt agents doing one more gig get caught up in a swamp of distrust

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2016
7

Gloomy and effective but not very involving

It's good to see some dark, well-acted, sweaty, and straight up bad cop action again, with effective action/violence because it doesn't want to over dramatize or orchestrate anything. It would have helped though, if we knew a little bit more about these guys so we can sympathize a little better.
7

Land of Mine

After WWII, young german POW's are brougt to Denmark to clear the beaches of mines

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-12-2016
7.5

A good movie about something bad

Needless to say a rather depressing affair, but it isn't dwelling in it's misery. There's a (intentional?) contrast with the sunny beach, mellow light and ordeal that is taking place. The developing relationship with the ruthless captain and the boys worked for me.
7.5

Hardcore Henry

Awoken in half cyborg body, a man must constantly fight for his live, shown entirely from his vision viewpoint like in FPS POV games

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-01-2017
7.5

A fun ride if you can handle it

I should probably be complaining about the violence, lack of character development (yawn) and that how you'll get dizzy and exhausted from the restless camera. But I actually had a blast watching this. It is different, cool and highly entertaining.
7.5

The Last Witch Hunter

Cursed to live forever, a witch hunter is faced with his old nemesis again in the present times

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-01-2017
4

Boring and superficial

The miscasted Diesel lacks the character and cannot show the burden of centuries of witch slaying. Also, the stories, conversations and even the action scenes are yawn-inducing. None if it flows well.
4

Predestination

In order to stop a serial bomber, a time traveling agent needs to recruit woman in the past

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-01-2017
7.5

Didn't see that one coming

A very satisfying time travel movie that manages to stack twist upon twist and does so with class, fine performances and without becoming gimmicky.
7.5

Moana (aka Vaiana)

Against the orders of the tribe, a native pacific island girl sets sails to sea to bring back the liveforce that got lost in a divine quarrel

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-01-2017
8.5

Wished I was there

Another fantastic and original animation with gorgeous tropical scenery and oceans, excellent characters, laughs and it also manages to reach inside. Even the moral lessons and songs were fine by me.
8.5

The Great Raid

In WW2 soldiers undertake a daring missing to rescue prisonors from the Japanese Abanatuan camp

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-01-2017
5.5

Felt like a movie, not a war rescue mission

I don't mean to sound disrespectful about this amazing operation, but I wasn't to keen on this movie. I constantly felt I was watching actors playing soldiers and prisoners, with unrealistic over rehearsed lines ruining the mood. The cliched and disconnected 'war movie music' didn't help either.
5.5

The Huntsman: Winter's War

An alternative, side-story story situated around the area and events of the snow white fairy tale

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2017
5.5

Nothing to stand out or excite

I think the good intentions are there, but I found it rather flat and uninvolving, appearing rather insignificant next to giants like The Lord of the Ring.
5.5

The Conjuring 2

A haunted house, based on a true story

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-01-2017
7.5

Very fine horror that is just a bit too long

A good horror that impress with plenty of scares accentuated by great camerawork, and refrains from too much cheap jump scares. Like it's predecessor though, I thought it went on for too long so my 'get scared' supply ran out and I was just taking it in. Too bad.
7.5

Parallels

A mysterious phonecall from a missing father leads people into a strange building that opens up to alternate earths

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2017
4.5

Nice idea poorly executed

Love the basic idea, but it's executed poorly with rather annoying young adults delivering really bad lines and making everything seem hopelessly amateuristic.
4.5

The LEGO Batman Movie

Batman must not only face the usual enemies (all at once), but also his inner self

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-02-2017
7

Too fast and furious

A colorful blast of action and endless jokes. Maybe I am getting old, but I found everything too fast and insanely frantic, making it impossible to follow and keep up. The few moments of silence (mostly also intended as a joke) felt like I could breathe again.
7

Infini

Rescue squad gets transported to a distant space base to save the last survivor

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017
4.5

Looong everyting

Occasionally it strikes a chord, but EVERYTHING - be it people talking, staring, chasing, monologuing, contemplating, fighting, briefing or debriefing - takes so freaking long it starts to mess with your mind.
4.5

USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

This ship went on a secret mission to deliver the atomatic bomb, but was sunk on the way back, leaving the few survivors in hellish waters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017
5

Overreached

This movie's overblown ambitions of doing war, drama, survival, courtroom and romance contrast sharply with bad fx, uninspired screenplay, half-baked actors and dodgy editing. I was bored watching those men get eaten by sharks, which can't be right!
5

Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie

I think it's about cyborg major leading a team to resolve the assassination of the prime minister

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2017
5

Too complicated, not enough magic

It kept some of the magic of the original, but what it kept mostly is endless incomprehensible techno/politics that I could not stay focused on. It's not bad looking, but most of the art of the first movie is no longer here.
5

Don't Breathe

Three young burglars think the gig at a blind man's house is going to be easy

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-03-2017
7.5

Fresh

A fresh horror suspense flick with fine performances. I was quite impressed with how they made a a blind man terrifying and how they managed to keep the story running based on a small premise.
7.5

The Monster

Mother and daughter get stranded on a desolate forest road, where something lurks in the dark

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-03-2017
7.5

Mostly a simple idea done well

This move has a nice, confident focus on a single plot: two women facing a monster. The performances are really good and the movie is effective most of the time. After a while though, I was kind of done with their screaming and sobbing, and the initially charming simplicity began to work against it.
7.5

Life

The crew of spacestation ISS manages to acquire a sample from mars soil... with life in it.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-04-2017
8

Very good space horror

It is not perfect, but overall I found this to be very solid, exciting, great looking film that reconfirmed just how much and why I love space horror. The spacestation and camerawork floating through it are first class.
8

Lights Out

Family terrorized by an entity that only appears in the dark

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-04-2017
7

Nice gimmick in an ok horror

I love the thing they do with dark and light, but it's not enough to compensate for the over familiar story, characters and performances - which prevent it from becoming truly scary. A fine horror though.
7

ISRA 88

Two astonauts passing time on their way to the end of the universe

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-04-2017
3

Unbearingly boring

Possibly it was trying to say something deep. But this barrage of long, pointless, repetitious scenes, goofy acting and plywood set pieces was just god-awful and made sure I didn't care what it was. A shame, because a journey to the end of the universe sounds so freaking amazing.
3

Passengers

On a hightech spaceship carrying 5000 cryosleeping persons to a new earth, one of them wakes up 90 years too early

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-04-2017
6.5

A flawed love story

If found the idea more interesting than execution, which suffers from rather flat, over-directed characters trying to deliver what is eventually a love story in space. The tech/thrills near the end felt rushed and lazy.
6.5

Star Trek Beyond

A brute force enemy causes the Enterprise to crashland. The survivors must find away to release the hostages and prevent further mayhem

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-04-2017
6

Awkward and off

The scenes of destruction are mighty, but overall this really felt off. They totally overdid the constant humor which started to feel like slapstick. The story and events also felt awkward and cheesy like the original series, with embarrassing scenes like driving around a motorbike to divert aliens
6

Ghost in the Shell (2017)

Live action Manga remake of the android fighting crime, her past and herself

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-04-2017
8

It gets it right

So people were complaining this had no depth, but were fine with Avengers? Screw that. This is an awesome looking movie that is exciting throughout and has plenty of depth and bucketloads of atmosphere. It also strikes a good balance between a 'western take' and the core Japanese original.
8

Assasins Creed

Some guy from a line of medieval assissins takes trips back in time with some machine to find some magic apple

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-05-2017
4

Stupid and liveless

I guess the effort is there, but what a bummer. The whole time travel thing was unnecessary, incomprehensible and preposterous. Why didn't they just cook up a story situated in the past? Also, icecold characters throughout, cheesy and dumb lines and too much footage of people gazing in the distance.
4

Ghostbusters (2016)

Not withstanding mockery and misfortune, four women form a team to fight ghosts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-05-2017
7

Good fun, but it's really only comedy

Having all female leads was a good move to make it fresh, and overall I had a good time with this colorful and frisky comedy. It's predecessors, however, also threw in some genuine scares in creepiness in the mix, which made for a more exciting, balanced experience than this.
7

XX

4 short horror stories directed by women (but I wonder if that ought to be noteworthy)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-05-2017
6.5

ha that's nice okay next one

Seeing some shorter stories was a nice for once, and there was an addictive quality to them to make you do one more. Quality of the stories was somewhat inconsistent and none of them struck me as particularly great, More like: ha that's nice okay next one.
6.5

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk

Decorated Iraq soldier relives his experiences, and contemplates going back there, all during a honouring appearance in football game show

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-05-2017
6

Lacks in too many areas to make it work

The alternating scenes of war and hollow mass entertainment could and should have generated interesting contrast, but I found it too unfocused in what it was trying to say, it lacked style, dialogue was lengthy and some themes, like the negotiations for the movie salary were uninteresting to me.
6

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

During an autopsy of a beautiful women, the cause of death becomes increasingly mysterious, as are the things that are happing to the coroners

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-05-2017
8

Creepy setting, creepy movie, excellent idea

Any morgue setting will instantly cater for a horror movie. But this original, focused and terrifying movie sure exploits it to great lengths. Love how the mystery unfolds and how the autopsy and dead people are straight up in your face!
8

Split

Three girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple identities

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-05-2017
6.5

Multiple Personality Disorder annoys me more than it scares me

Frankly, I was somewhat bored and agitated by the multiple identities, especially the laughable behavior of the supposed 9 year old. Apart from the identities there's wasn't much in there, nor did I find it very particularly scary. It's okay, but underwhelming.
6.5

Spectral

Through their special visors, soldiers start to see ghostly figures that start coming after them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-06-2017
6

Decent ingredients but no cake

This started off ok with decent looks and characters, and initially it served the mysterious premise nice and easy. But as it progresses, there's not much more than chases and shootouts that feel distant and never truly excite. Also, the all-knowing McGuyver scientist was getting on my nerves.
6

Alien: Covenant

A colonial spaceship decides to do an unscheduled stop at an unknown, potentially habitable, planet when they pick up broadcast from it

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-06-2017
7

Another great alien movie that is also a huge disappointment

It still manages to shock and awe with intense alien encounters en space tech porn. But the more it wants to elaborate on the story and origins of the creature, the more it destroys. I wish I had never seen a live engineer - the single dead one was 100x more intriguing.
7

The Discovery

When an afterlife is scientifically proven, suicide becomes rampant because people try to get there

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-06-2017
7

Not all I hoped, bit I still liked it

Part of me wished it was more about the discovery itself, part of me wished it was deeper en creepier, but the rest of me was quite pleased with the sober, depressing and character based-approach that still manages to intrigue and serve a satisfying climax.
7

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

With inside help, Alice gets a change to destroy the T-virus once and for all

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-06-2017
5

Looks alright, feels numb

Much like the previous parts, this looks good and has some creative, vicious beasts on offer. But it also features the same hollow, boring screenplay and empty characters. It feels like a bunch of monster challenges glued together.
5

Atomica

Woman engineer goes to a faulty device transforming nuclear radiation into energy. Something in there is not quite right.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-07-2017
3

Very cheap - in more than one way

Once she arrives, the only thing that awaits are very long, uninteresting conversations, sub par acting and an empty slow plot in which not much is going on. The poster artwork is completely misleading and does not represent actual footage from the movie. Boooh.
3

The Shallows

Surfgirl gets terrorized by shark

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-07-2017
7.5

Gorgeous to look at, with really decent shark terror as well

This is beautifully shot and was made with much finesse. At times, the imagery of the ocean feels like living paintings. Acting and thrills are also good, making this one of the better sharks movies out there.
7.5

Blair Witch (2016)

Armed with 7 million camera's, a brother sets of to find his sister who disappeard in the cursed woods

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-07-2017
6.5

The formula is still scary, but you start to look through it

This felt scary but over-familiar, and the realism achieved by the found footage started to feel very unrealistic instead. I mean who the hell carries this many cameras and shoots this much at these insane moment? Kudos though, for some of the actors enacting deep deep fear in the finale.
6.5

Despicable me 3

Despite setbacks, Gru is trying hard not to go back into crime. But then he finds out he has a brother

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-07-2017
7.5

Full of good things

It was quite heavy on sub stories and plots, risking convolution and hysteria. But luckily it manages to stay on the good side of things, keeping everything on rails and delivering colorful, whack fun and expanding on the franchise's unique humor, graphics and (80s!) vibe.
7.5

Ichi The Killer

A ganster mob routine of torturing and killing people gets disrupted by a mysterious killer that leaves the rooms soaked in blood and guts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-08-2017
6.5

A torture movie for research rather than enjoyment

I actually got used to the torture scenes of amputations and various acts with sharp objects. I actually became somewhat interested in, and empathized with, the mysterious killer. But mostly I still felt sick and depressed rather than amused after watching this.
6.5

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and Lauraline are asked to help save a giant space station, but discover a dark secret along the way

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-08-2017
7

Beautifull, wonderfully sassy but utterly convoluted

For the first half I was able to just let the crazy bubbly actors and colorful nonsense be and enjoy the ride. But after she stuck her head in the jellyfish, he watched a strip show to gain access to a transformation suite, I got tired and bored of the endless barrage of convoluted STUFF going on.
7

Swiss Army Man

A lost and stranded guy finds a corpse on the beach, who's 'special powers' and friendship help him to make the journey home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-08-2017
6.5

Just because it's unique doens't mean I like farts

I guess there's points for originality and it sort of works in it's own special way, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being pranked into watching someone's bizarre fart joke fantasies.
6.5

Videodrome

In a search for something new for an adult channel, the proucers finds out about what appear to be mysterious snuff movies.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-08-2017
6.5

A fine dose of Cronenberg, but he did better later on

It has the the signature Cronenberg oddities and a sense of irresistible filth to it. But it feels kind of old, clumsy and slow by today's standards. Some of the imagery in this movie came back in later work that I found more complete and better executed.
6.5

Brain Dead / Dead Alive

An exotic rat bite turn the dead into zombies. An dorky man and his girlfriend fight them with all their might.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
7

A classic, but has lost some impact over the years

It reached new levels of splatter-gore when it came out, and it still is quite a bloodbath today. The humorous tone helps to make the somewhat campy effects acceptable, but prevents it from becoming really scary or gross.
7

Sully

On the miracle emergency plane landing on the Hudson where everyone walked away

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
6.5

Over dramatized

The landing appears faithfully recreated and was thrilling to see, but the events surrounding it felt over dramatized. Also, the research committee seemed strangely angry and eager to discredit the pilot's doings, and almost started crying when they couldn't. What??
6.5

Dunkirk

On the rescue efforts to save thousands of soldiers are trapped in Dunkirk in WW2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2017
8.5

A superb movie that makes you anxious to get off that beach too

Has a unique atmosphere, with a focus not so much on horror but more on the continuous ominous threat. The imagery on seas, land and in the air is outstanding, and I must also mention the extraordinary music that makes you tremble with fear for almost the entire movie.
8.5

Life on the Road

David Brent goes touring with his band, hoping for a breakthrough and a recorddeal

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-09-2017
7.5

I you love to hate him, you'll love this

Maybe not quite as unbearable as The Office, this movie still provides a fresh dose of the self-torture, cringing, laughing, shame and gasping that come with watching this man at work.
7.5

Passage to Mars

A documentary about an journey across the Arctic with a prototype vehicle (strangely a Humvee?) as a preparation for a journey to mars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-09-2017
7

Good but relies on tricks

I have mixed feelings about the constant voice over. There are only so many ways to depict a driving car, so they desperately needed to alternate with the shots of Mars, which, while atmospheric, felt a bit like cheating. It managed to keep me interested though.
7

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