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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Did you know that after killing the witch, Hansel and Gretel became witch hunters?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2013

Tries everything except being scary or exciting

Oh I don't know. They tried their best and it shows. But the witches are just there from the beginning, there is no tension built-up. These loud, semi-artistic fights for people with MTV brains are getting on my nerves too. Mixes too many styles and atmospheres.
6.5

Cars 2

McQueen and Mater get caught up up in a spionage and racing adventure.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-07-2013

Let's put in everything, kids gotta like something

Looking at this through the eyes of my children, I felt exhausted and embarrassed by the loud, hectic and rushed screenplay, overcomplicated story, and Mater shooting miniguns. But there must be something wrong with my eyes because they still seemed to enjoy it.
4.5

World War Z

Zombies

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-07-2013

Triple A mediocrity

For a movie about zombies investing the world, people seeking shelter in save havens with high walls, and a hero finding a cure just in time, this one is very good.
8

Side effects

After prescribing one betablocker too many, things go bad for both the psyhiatrist and the patient.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-08-2013

Far-fetched plots also have side effects

Good, but as the story becomes more and more unbelievable, your involvement in this movie wears off.
7

Pacific Rim

To combat giant monsters from the sea, mankind built equally giant robots. Really GIANT.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-08-2013

Also a ferocious battle between great CGI and a great movie

Even a spectacle of this caliber, with such magnificent visuals, still would need a better story and characters to leave a lasting impression and score higher. But the dumb 'n fun factor sort of works here.
7

Halo 4: forward unto dawn

Cadets getting trained for combat in the halo universe

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-08-2013

Mission failed: please try again

What happened? They got great looking props, effects, a spot-on color palette, an exciting Halo playground, and even the warthog. Yet all they came up with are close-ups of whining and insubordinate teenagers, and a minimal story that's still going nowhere.
5

Total Recall (2012)

Man inserts cool secret agent memories in his brain

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-08-2013

A very decent sci-fi action thriller.

If you manage to NOT see this as a reboot, it's a fine sci-fi action flick with some great designs.
7.5

The Darkest Hour

Teenagers must make it through an alien invasion in moscow

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-08-2013

A floating light can only be so scary

The abandoned streets of Moscow looked great. But the jumpy characters, the goofy people they meet along the way, and the unscary lights just don't have what it takes.
6.5

Silent Hill Revelation

Girl must save her father, who is trapped in a place full of demons

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-09-2013

Not as scary as it looks

This contains some very moody scenery and genuinely nightmarish footage. But the girl's plan is basically walking from one demon challenge to the next, and the rest of the story is either boring or incomprehensible.
5

A Good Day to Die Hard

McClane helps out his son, who appearantly is involved in some CIA operation in Russia

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-09-2013

Boring high-octane action. Huh?

Contains some decent old-skool car chases and explosions, but none of it really becomes exciting. The story starts of clumsy and distant, then becomes bland and uninteresting. Definitely misses the Die Hard vibe.
5.5

Cabin in the Woods

Stereotype teens go into a stereotype cabin in the woods..... but something non-stereotype is lurking

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-09-2013

Good idea with not much else going for it

Sure it gets points for originality. But this one idea is all they had, leaving us with a unscary movie we can only like because it's original.
6.5

The Avengers

Team of superhero's must save earth from an evil god with evil plans

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-09-2013

Too super

A good-looking fun ride which radiates positive energy. But gees, with so many superpowers combined, a truly exciting confrontation with evil is out of the equation. It's also too plain silly to be really exciting.
7

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

In a mission to save a planet from a hostile takover, two jedi stumble across a boy with great promise.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-09-2013

Majestic saga lost in space

It had everything you could possibly wish for: spaceships, droids, lightsabers, jedi's, aliens and saga. It has a phenomenal pod race. But because of multiple factors, it is a somewhat dull experience.
7

Looper

Assassin kills victims that are being sent from the future... until they sent his futureself

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-09-2013

Mean and original

Apart from a slowish middle section, it's a wicked, smart and playfull timetravel movie.
7.5

Immortals

Gods select mortal man to act against the havoc of King Hyperio

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-10-2013

Too nasty

It looks fantastic and was made well. But the brutality and sheer nastiness in the movie left a bad taste in my mouth. I am still having nightmares about Brazen Bulls.
7

Europa Report

Found footage of a lost spacemission to the moon Europa, attempting to find life below it's icy surface

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-10-2013

An adventure like this ought to be more exciting

Looks good and overall a good watch. But it didn't get quite as emotional, scary, claustrophobic or engrossing as I had hoped. I think the slightly detached actors are the main problem.
7

The Snow White and the Huntsman

Vicious queen takes over the land in a quest for eternal beauty, and hunts down the princess who has the power to top her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-10-2013

Pleasant surprise

Expecting this to be a loud and dumb 'modern take' on the fairytale, I was pleasantly surprised. The pacing is right, it never goes over the top, it looks great and the actors deliver, especially Theron!
7.5

L'année dernière à Marienbad (1961)

Man meets woman, woman meets man, or perhaps they didn't

hente
hente
10-10-2013

Time and place are no longer certain

As we are constantly cheating our memories, actual life becomes a guessing game in this stylish movie. Ultimately, all movies are addressing space and time. This one adds to the mystery like a photo of a photographer. Over-aged? How can time be dismissed as being too old? Call it matured...
8

Jacob's Ladder (1990)

In search for reality

hente
hente
10-10-2013

An unsettling study on the layers of reality

One of those movies where you wish you could intervene and wake up the main character from his dream-in-a-dream-in-a-dream-in-a-nightmare.
8.5

Die Brucke - Bernhard Wicki (1959)

There can't be enough anti-war movies

hente
hente
10-10-2013

Armed conflict can infect us all

I saw this movie half a century ago and it is still impressive even without the usual mass scenes and shoot-outs. Make sure you watch the original version by director Wicki and not the later re-make with the same title.
9

The Last Stand

Sherrif spents his last working days in a quite bordertown near Mexico, until an escaped criminal plans his escape route straight to it.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-10-2013

Solid

A somewhat uncomfortable mix of blood spills and goofy humor degrade this otherwise solid and gun fun action movie.
7

Iron Man 3

Iron man takes on a terrorist

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-10-2013

Iron mess

Mindblowing events and technology, yet noone seems to give a damn. So neither did I. A mess of rushed storytelling, boredom, an unlikable hero, noise and so much Iron man suits that I stopped caring about any of them. Suicide by abundance.
6

After Earth

After crashlanding on a hostile planet, a boy must embark on a dangerous journey to save himself and his father.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-10-2013

Decent scifi survival adventure

I thought it was an original and good looking adventure that kept me interested all the way.
7

White House Down

Terrorists take over White House and hunt down the president who is protected by a single security agent

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-10-2013

Quality goes down too

Initially there is satisfactory Die-Hard-in-the-White-house vibe going on. But as it progresses, events become too ridiculous, cliched, tedious, patriotic and unfunny - making it tiresome to watch in the end. And then it commits suicide with slomo waving flag scene. Ugh.
6

Only God Forgives

Drug dealer in Thailand gets caught up a bloody circle of revenge when his brother is killed

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-10-2013

Bloodred

Dark, bloody and mesmerizing movie that views like a comicbook, the way it slowly serves it's mostly static scenes one by one.
7.5

Upside Down

Two lovers, each on different but nearly touching planets with opposed gravities

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-10-2013

West Side Story turned on it's head

It's a wonderful movie with a big heart, but the lovestory in it just doesn't quite reach the same level as the visuals and original ideas.
7

Paranormal Whacktivity

Sexually frustrated couple is haunted by ghost (also sexually frustrated)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-10-2013

A terrible movie that almost made it to being just bad

Amateuristic, improvised, messy and - worst of all - unfunny throughout. But: I think they had fun on the set, and the actors could have, in theory, pulled this off. Something actually funny was lurking in the shadows.
3.5

Skyline

Room full of pretty people must survive an invasion of ugly aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-11-2013

Good looking B movie

An unusual cross between a B movie with dull actors having tedious arguments, and very decent effects and designs. Guess what's more important in the end?
6.5

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (aka Devil's Pass)

Found footage of students who went into Russian mountains to investigate the mysterious deaths of another group

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-11-2013

Too much mysteries

Has it's moments, most of them boring. Then it boldly moves on to invoke all the mysteries and conspiracy theories that these nervous paranoid teenagers could think of, making it seem like it is trying to say "you sort it out".
6.5

Skyfall

This time it's an inside job aiming for M and MI6 headquarters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-11-2013

Dark Bond

A solid, slick and quite dark episode. Something remains, however, that keeps Bond films from rising above being good.
7.5

TrollHunter

Found footage of a filmcrew following a trollhunter in Norway

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2013

Could have been much better if we believed in any of this

The shaky shots in darks woods are effective, as are the sound effects. But the movie is running out fuel quickly, the trolls are a bit too much to buy into the 'actual footage' thing, and the filmcrew are both scared out of their wits and rather indifferent about their adventures at the same time.
6.5

The Last Days on Mars

Mars mission is about to wrap up, when they find something in the rocks....

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-11-2013

So close to being great

This would have been a bomb if it had a more original, imaginative story. Now it's just a good, quite scary and beautiful looking movie.
7

Scary Movie V

Spoofs, mostly about Mama and Paranormal Activity

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-11-2013

A hideous collection of jokes with various degrees of failure

I actually liked 'Paranormal Whacktivity' better.
3

Human Centipede

Man makes a human centipede by stitching people together ass-to-mouth. No really, he does.
average 6.8

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-11-2013

Still feeling slightly nauseous....

Although it has been quite some time since I actually watched this movie, I still get an awkward feeling remembering the gross scenes. Which is, on the other hand, rather impressive since I do not associate many movies with such enduring and intense (negative) emotions....
6.5

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-08-2013

A horrendous but lasting experience

Effortlessly falls into the category: why the hell did they make this... and why the hell am I watching this? Painful, vulgar and almost unbearable to watch. But I remember it better than the average multimilliondollar super FX movie that I have seen lately.
7

Elysium

Man fights his way up to a spacehaven for the wealthy, so he can get cured from a disease.
average 8.2

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-11-2013

Action packed scifi

This movie adds a whole new dimension to the term bullet time (great scene on how to shoot up robots for dummies). The story line is somewhat overly dramatic at times, but man... the action and visuals are impressive!
8

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-08-2013

A very intense, thick a great looking science fiction action flick.

A treat for action scifi enthusiasts. Wonderful designs, fine acting, cool robots and ships and a high paced adrenaline story.
8.5

The Wolverine

Wolverine visits an dying admirer in Japan, but gets caught up in evil plans (and ninja's)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-12-2013

Grumpiness in Japan

It's not bad, but it is let down by too many slow scenes, a constantly grumpy staring Wolverine (yes we get it, he is a lonesome tormented hero!) and a story that feels like you have seen it many times before.
6.5

Man of Steel

Superman can no longer remain hidden when Zod arrives on earth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-12-2013

Superman remains tough to beat, and tough to make a good film out of

They have given him some worthy adversaries other than kryptonite, resulting in some really smashing showdowns. But the storytelling is messy, and Hollywood still doesn't realize that an overdose of fast, blurry and over the top destruction only leaves viewers bored and cut off from the movie.
7

Casablanca

World war II, boy meets girl (again), Germans doing their bad-ass stuff, self-sacrifice and true love

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
07-12-2013

Perfect movie for a sentimental mood

Obviously this movie is a classic according to 95% of the world population, but until today I never seemed to be in the right mood to actually start watching it. The first minutes it felt somewhat dated, but soon I was fully drawn into the story. Overall an immersive experience, a classic indeed!
9

Kapringen

The negotiations that follow after a ship is hijacked by modernday pirates

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-12-2013

Strength by purity

Very well played and realistically shot drama, that cleverly switches between the cold, calculated negotiations and the sweaty, messy situation on the ship. It disposes of all ornaments, which makes it a honest if not somewhat sterile experience.
7.5

Kick-ass 2

The normal superhero joins a group of fellow citizin-heros and gets back into action

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-12-2013

You may not get it

It is hard to connect with this strange mixture of crazy outfits, ridiculous people, bizarre plot, lessons in life and bloody violence. But once I did - way into the movie - I started to laugh and was quite entertained.
7

Machete Kills

Even the government needs Machete

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-12-2013

Deliberately plain, dumb and violent fun.

I am never quite sure where to draw the line between a bad movie and an ode to a bad movie. But I am sure there's some ok fun and slashing to be had here.
6.5

Free Birds

Turkeys travel back in time to wipe their species from thanksgiving menu forever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-12-2013

Somehow it didn't really work.

It's a vibrant, original, good looking adventure with plenty of good jokes... yet still it doesn't quite take off. Something flat and distant remains, and maybe relating to turkeys in a time machine is just a bit too much to ask.
6.5

The Croods

Caveman family must explore new grounds in order to survive

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2013

Great prehistoric graphics and fun

Not overly successful in setting up characters you start to love, but beautifully rendered, quite exciting and good for a few laughs. I deduction half a point because it failed to make a lasting impression on my kids.
7

Dark Shadows

Vampire wakes up in the seventies and sets out to bring back wealth to the family offspring

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2013

Surprisingly boring

Despite colorful characters and a potentially funny story, this movie is remarkably boring, and the Tim Burtonesque overacting and pacing got on my nerves here. Partially saved by a delightful Eva Green and a reasonable climax.
6

Cottage Country

When an idiot brother is about to ruin a romatic weekend of two lovers, one bloody accident leads to another

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2013

A naughtly mixture of humor and bloody murder

Successfully plays out comedy and murder throughout the movie in an unusual but successful cocktail.
7

Olympus has Fallen

Terrorists take over whitehouse, fallen security agent comes to the rescue

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-01-2014

The same old mistakes

A dark atmosphere and some hefty gung-ho warfare could have made this intense, were it not for the inevitable patriotism and flag waving, annoying Hollywood plot conveniences and stereotype terrorists (oh come on - nuclear launch codes, again?).
7

Bad Milo

When people agitate this man, a demon comes out of his ass and eats them. No Shit.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2014

Naughty and pleasantly bizarre

but the constant rectal suffering could make you nauseous.
7

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Hobbits reach the mountain and Bilbo confronts the dragon

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-01-2014

Beautiful failure

You have to admire the sheer beauty and magnitude of this spectacle. But there is also a feeling of disappointment, as I cannot really get into this movie, feel for any of the characters, appreciate the campy slapstick action or take in the wash of special effects.
7

2 Guns

Two undercovers get into a corrupt mess and need each other to fight their way out again

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-01-2014

Solid chemistry but forgetable

A solid action comedy with good chemistry between the main players. It lacks standout moments though, I have already forgotten this movie.
7

We're the Millers

Smalltime drugdealer assembles a fake family as a coverup during a drug transfer in mexico
average 7.0

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
06-01-2014

Easy-going uncomplicated comedy

Original jokes, more than the occasional laugh, and Jennifer Anniston doing lap dances, what else could you possibly want from a movie nowadays?
7

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-12-2013

A feelgood wih a bite

Funny actors, deliciously embarrassing moments and some wicked jokes easily lift this feelgood movie above average.
7

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