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Battle in Space: The Armada Attacks
Several (unrelated?) scifi stories
Wittenberg
07-01-2024
Perhaps if it had decent stories
The stories consist of computer graphics alternated with (amateur?) actors doing stuff, with no real sense of connection. It's all quite hopeless, even if if the clumsiness of it all almost makes it sympathetic. The truly unforgivable sins were the supervague stories and random sensationalist title.Stairs, The
Boy and grandpa find stairs in the woods and go missing. Years later, a group of other hikers find them, unaged. And the stairs. And some demon.
Wittenberg
12-09-2021
Uninspired and unsuccesful horror
The opening gets by (barely), but the adult hikers are a rather annoying bunch (the metalguy is almost unwatchable) and so are the rather uninteresting and vague events they encounter. It's allover they place, like they just threw in some random horror things to fill it up.Scary Movie V
Spoofs, mostly about Mama and Paranormal Activity
Wittenberg
23-11-2013
A hideous collection of jokes with various degrees of failure
I actually liked 'Paranormal Whacktivity' better.Exodus
After the rapture (apparently), a guy tries to find his way to a mysterious door to a better place
Wittenberg
12-09-2021
I am sure they mean well. Zzzzz.
It seems the that hardest thing to get right in these low-budget, low-tier movies is keeping the pace and keeping interest. It probably could have been a mysterious, symbolic, thought provoking journey, but it's just agonizingly slow, empty and emotionless journey.EmbriĆ³n
Attempts to tell a story about (mulitple?) people that went missing or weird after an alien encounter
Wittenberg
09-08-2021
A hot mess
My god. A messy, incoherent and incomprehensible mixture of found footage and a 'real' movie , it jumps allover the place to new locations and years (almost with each cut!), pacing is weird and feels made-up as they went along, and I did not understand most of it. Poster art is fake.ISRA 88
Two astonauts passing time on their way to the end of the universe
Wittenberg
07-04-2017
Unbearingly boring
Possibly it was trying to say something deep. But this barrage of long, pointless, repetitious scenes, goofy acting and plywood set pieces was just god-awful and made sure I didn't care what it was. A shame, because a journey to the end of the universe sounds so freaking amazing.Room, The
Lisa is about to marry Johnny, but loves his friend Mark instead.
Wittenberg
30-01-2022
If you can reach the right state of mind, it could be mind blowing
I knew what I was getting into, and was ready for the abysmal to turn into laughter, fascination and/or admiration. But I started to realize you probably need some friends and beers to reach that state, but on my own I wondered why the hell I was doing this to myself.Left Behind
One day, millions of people disappear in a flash, leaving a pile of clothes behind.
Wittenberg
14-12-2014
The worst of the eighties
A remarkable exhibit of the worst movie elements from the eighties, brought back to life in the new millennium. Acting, stereotypes, script, humor - all appalling and outdated - accompanied with eighties film music to top it off. Cage must have owed someone a favor!Teleios
A spaceship docks with a distant spacestation to retrieve a mysterious cargo
Wittenberg
11-09-2017
The costumes, my god, the costumes!
I think I needed about 7 attempts to watch this all the way through. It is so goofy and off that I thought it would turn into a spacemovie parody, only to realize in horror they are for real. The rest of it is just painfully boring and features a crew wearing the ugliest costumes of all time.Mega Shark vs. Kolossus
Megalodon strikes yet again, and an awoken giant robot adds to the misery
Wittenberg
02-10-2016
It lives up to it's title
So yeh, everything is bad about this movie. But it's not snugly enough to reach the elusive so-bad-it's-good status, even though it was off to a good start with the deep cleavage power babes piloting the subs.Deus
A spaceship travels to a mysterious sphere to investigate
Wittenberg
27-12-2022
Terrible scifi with insufficient but still present elements of quality
Apart from the outside space graphics, nothing else convinces in any way. Not the actors, not the ship interior, not the dialogues, not the music, not the directing, not the ship's plumbing. The story and twist are sort of interesting, but are unfortunately buried beneath the problems.Paranormal Whacktivity
Sexually frustrated couple is haunted by ghost (also sexually frustrated)
Wittenberg
28-10-2013
A terrible movie that almost made it to being just bad
Amateuristic, improvised, messy and - worst of all - unfunny throughout. But: I think they had fun on the set, and the actors could have, in theory, pulled this off. Something actually funny was lurking in the shadows.400 Days
4 people spent 400 days in a mockup spaceship to test the effects of long term space travel. Will they keep their sanity... and what's going on outside?
Wittenberg
24-09-2016
Annoying
Right from the beginning I was incredibly annoyed by this. Everything and everyone is so phony, cheesy, unrealistic and slow. There's a pale spark of excitement in the whole 'what's happening' mystery, but I wonder if even the writers really knew.Dark Space
Teenagers boost the spaceship taking them to a party planet, but in doing so they end up on a hostile planet where evil lurks.
Wittenberg
29-11-2014
A different writer please
I could have sympathized with this for some reasonable effects and designs, good intentions and the cute Saitek joystick prop. But they made it sheer impossible to do so, with appalling dialogue, hopeless characters and a world record amount of creature-flashes-by-the-screen-with-loud-sound scares.Somnus
The crew of a spaceship are in danger when the board computer turns rogue
Wittenberg
28-12-2017
Slow and bad looking
The atmosphere and some of the interior design were promising. But soon it dwells into endless, static conversations, misguided and pointless scenery (what were those jellyfish? What's with the train?) and increasingly worse visuals. With that creature on asteroid-city, they seemed to have given up.Device, The
Two sisters (and a douche) retreat to a sumercabin to overcome past trauma. But what they find only brings them extraterrestial misery.
Wittenberg
04-02-2015
It's plain bad
There are a lot of things wrong with this amateuristic scifi horror. Like the cheesy aliens and the many awkward overlong chat scenes. But the completely misleading, non-representative poster artwork is really criminal. Tssssk!Seance: the Summoning
Some teens comfortably go into a morgue to summon spirits between corpses, then seem frustrated if things getting scary indeed
Wittenberg
15-04-2018
Not even God can save this movie
A hopeless movie with too many things wrong to even list. When it's halfway it reveals itself as a reli-flick. They figure it's not just any ghost they summoned, but a demon and therefore they need to invoke the power of Christ - who must be embarrassed by this.Air Strike a.k.a. The Bombing
In a chinese village under constant bombardment from the Japanese, a Chinese pilot is sent on a ground mission to transport a valuable cargo.
Wittenberg
30-11-2018
A tiresome mess
So I saw the version with English voiceovers for all Chinese people so that Bruce Willis didn't need to speak Chinese. It makes this mess of a cringe movie even worse, no matter how many explosions there are. The shelter scene is oddly impressive by comparison, like it was made by a different team.Gods of the Deep
A submarine crew ventures into deep, to enter a portal leading to a place where ancient gods may reside
Wittenberg
12-03-2024
Pulp that almost wins sympathy, but the amateurism was just too much
When you have no budget, is it foolish or courageous to make an underwater movie? Either way, I was tempted to give this fun borderline amateur movie some credit in all it's cheesiness, but the silly story and Numark audio mixer serving as pilot controls were just too distracting.Cosmic Sin
When extraterrestrial live is discovered, a team goes to another planet to neutralize the threat, bringing an old veteran with them
Wittenberg
05-05-2024
crappy
I knew this was crappy ,but I was hoping it would turn into some amusing goofball entertainment. But is really was just crappy, with long tiresome dialogues ("They may very well be alive, but highly unlikely"), gutless combat and no real sense of being in the future.Nova
On a spaceship to mars, an android is struggling with acceptance by the human captain, other androids and her own developing emotions
Wittenberg
29-01-2023
Looks and feels like a school project
Rather than pointing out the numerous problems in this (homemade?) movie, a more important question would be if the fundamental philosophical issues raised somehow make the them irrelevant, merely an accessory tool for conveying a thought provoking message? No.ARQ
Guy gets caught in a time loop in which he must escape a house from evil people who want his time machine. Sort of.
Wittenberg
14-11-2018
Repitition can be repetitive
This movie made me appreciate those stuck-in-repeating-day movies more, for doing the same but keeping it interesting still. This one, however, is agonizingly repetitive, narrow and has a crawling pace and boring actors. Too bad about the snappy beginning a synth soundtrack.Internship, The
With no relevant skills, two sacked salesmen enlist for an internship at Google.
Wittenberg
02-02-2014
404 humor not found
Instead of having a ball with the funny premise, this movie is extremely generic, consisting entirely out of tiresome jokes and gut-wrenching Hollywood cliches so banal it made me look away from the screen.Fortress (2012)
Replacement co-pilot of a B-17 struggles not only with the war, but also with winning the trust and respect of the crew
Wittenberg
19-05-2023
Perhaps with a better story
Not soon after enjoying the initial CGI planes passing by, I noticed the upcoming gloom of this movie: wooden and stiff dialogue and very poor storytelling and direction. It also has that B-movie smallness to it, with no wide angle shots on the ground to disguise the absence of sets.Fear Street part one: 1994
Mysterious killer kills youth
Wittenberg
17-07-2021
A hot mess
Sometimes you don't like a movie and move on, and sometimes and it really bugs you - like this one. A disjointed, messy movie that has some uninteresting teenagers making their way through tedious cliche horror events. Vague, boring and uninspired. No, I am not watching the other 'parts'.Halo: Nightfall
A new type of enemy weapon emerges, so brave soldiers must go back to the Halo to resolve it. I think.
Wittenberg
09-11-2015
Really drab. feel free to reuse the props in a decent story
Some of it looks satisfactory, but I was bored out of my mind with this extremely poorly paced movie with ultra dull characters chatting and fighting in a completely unconvincing mission in deep space that is immediately and only compromised by..... worms. This is not Halo man.Deep Fear
A sailor rescues two shiprecked people, which leads into an ordeal of crime and shark invested waters
Wittenberg
24-03-2024
Another crap shark movie
When the lead is a pumped up bimbo with spot-on make-up even after two deepdives, shot in numerous preposterous shots to show her curves, a movie is pretty much lost. Add crappy acting and a poor script and it becomes hopeless. Two shark attack scenes were surprisingly ok compared to the rest of it.Shanghai Fortress
Shanghai defends against an alien invasion. With a big canon.
Wittenberg
31-07-2020
Arrogant empty shell
How the hell did they get such a big budget to make such bland, generic, lifeless movie? It radiates arrogance. The numerous 'emotional' scenes with cheesy minor piano chords fall flat completely because I didn't know or care who these people are!Alien Warfare
Specialforces team is scrambled to investigate what happened to some lab. (it was aliens!)
Wittenberg
30-08-2021
Almost abysmal
There is something about it that keeps it from being completely abysmal. Perhaps the borderline passable actors, the almost successful attempts at jokes, some slightly interesting moments, some semi ok action. But make no mistake, this is a pretty crappy movie. Those alien suits, gees.God's Not Dead
Christian student is forced to prove the existence of God by one of those malicious atheist philosophy teachers. There's also substories of other idiots (like cancer patients and muslims) finding God
Wittenberg
14-08-2016
but this movie is
I was sort of hoping for some passionate debate with interesting arguments from both sides, but that came out underdeveloped and sloppy, smothered in the cringe worthy side stories, performances and bizarre depiction of atheists. Thank God all heretics died.Project Gemini
Spaceship sets out to find a solution for a dying earth, but winds up in an uknown location in space. Where evil lurks.
Wittenberg
05-09-2022
Not a catastrophy, but pretty bad
A very vague, sleep-inducing, poorly written scifi with some abhorrent dialogue made worse by the poor voice overs I got with it. At the very end there are some relatively interesting, slightly rewarding plot points, and I give an extra point for some fancy CGI/space scenes.Tabernacle 101
Dude dies and revives to prove there is no afterlife. Dark consequences result.
Wittenberg
10-07-2023
Maximum amateurism
I don't mind the similar story to Flatliners; it's an exciting concept there deserves be explored further, and is something that could work fine for a movie with little resources. Unfortunately, this is amateuristic to the core.Alien Space Battle
Spacemission to rescue a victim from a Mars mining accident gets involved in a alien threat to all mankind
Wittenberg
05-04-2023
Cute, sympathetic even, but not good.
Apart from the fantastic title and some passable CGI here and there, I could not find anything to recommend about it. The subpar actors continuously having to deliver anxious spacecombat jargon really got on my nerves. Also known as "Attack on Titan", but that won't save it.Jurassic World: Dominion
People need to infiltrate a base from an evil corporation to save the world from a mutant locus plague.
Wittenberg
05-09-2022
Failed on many levels, mainly dinosaurs
It feels weird giving such a high-profile, high-effort movie such a low rating, but when I feel exhausted and glad it was over, I have no other choice. Too many uninteresting storylines, failed humor, no soul, no chemistry and worst of all: tiresome dinosaurs that are essentially fillers.Moon, The
An ill-fated Korean moon mission turns into a rescue mission
Wittenberg
30-12-2023
Looks okay, afwul kitch movie
Space rescue can be quite exciting, and this one looks snappy for sure. Unfortunately, it's filled with plastic characters, overacting and turns into a sludge of melodramatic kitsch with tears over piano music.Imaginary
Family is confonted with an evil imaginary friend of the youngest daughter
Wittenberg
14-04-2024
A great idea planted in fruitless soil
What a fantastic idea to make horror about imaginary friends. Unfortunately, this movie had just one moment that impressed me. The rest is a formulaic affair with a badly acting daughter, some stupid lines an characters, missed opportunities and a generic trademark Blumhouse horrormovie feel to it.Assasins Creed
Some guy from a line of medieval assissins takes trips back in time with some machine to find some magic apple
Wittenberg
02-05-2017
Stupid and liveless
I guess the effort is there, but what a bummer. The whole time travel thing was unnecessary, incomprehensible and preposterous. Why didn't they just cook up a story situated in the past? Also, icecold characters throughout, cheesy and dumb lines and too much footage of people gazing in the distance.Cycle
Astronaut (?) wakes up in a place and needs to find a way out before a fog runs over it.
Wittenberg
21-05-2022
Fascinating AND yawn inducing
This could have been a bomb, with it's absolutely unconventional and puzzling story, trippy scenery and remarkable animation that I took for real footage. Unfortunately, many scenes and conversations are way too long, vague and boring, and without a clue on what's going I had to fight to stay awake.Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Something with large and loud robots helping some kid and earth
Wittenberg
15-06-2013
Unbearably loud
That's it. I have grown old. Some years ago, I would still have fallen for the stellar CGI and non-stop heavy duty action. But as off now, I can no longer stand this hysteric, over-the-top, screaming insane action and was struggling not to switch this off.Offering (aka Abyzou), The
Man secretely wanting to sell his fathers funeral home, has to deal with cleansing it from evil first
Wittenberg
01-07-2023
Waisted
Despite one of the scariest locations I know (morgues), tastefully lit scenery and a promise of creepy Orthodox Jewish reli-horror, this movie was unable to craft it into something scary or interesting. Instead, it has only really, really tiresome loud-noise jumpscares to offer.Rebels of PT-218, The
During ww2, a cargoship is performs a heroic attack on canons on the shoresline
Wittenberg
22-08-2021
Unsuccesful attempt to make a warmovie with little resources
If you have no budget, should you make a movie about something complicated as naval combat? While some scenes actually get by, the constant black or white surroundings are suspicious. What's more: the movie is not about a PT-218 (torpedo boat) at all, and everything else is a bit meh too.Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars
It's not just bugs that run over Mars, but an evil politician tries to destroy the entire planet - inhabitants included. Troopers to the rescue.
Wittenberg
25-10-2017
Ruined by the characters
Some of it looks dated, some of it looks quite good, some action scenes I liked. But it's all in vain, because of the ultra cheesy, cringe worthy characters that make it feel like a Powerrangers episode... but not in a good, satirical way like the original managed to pull of.Starving Games, The
A parody of guess which movie
Wittenberg
21-08-2015
A turkey of the second kind
A rather dumb and unfunny fest of bad jokes, though some might still accidentally trigger a slight smile now and then. Not the worst of bad parodies.Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse
Historian and son find a pattern in world disasters pointing to the end of the world, and set out to stop that from happening
Wittenberg
05-08-2015
ehmmmmm.....Yup, it's a B-movie
For a while I thought it had a change of becoming at least a reasonable B-movie, but then it quickly sank into the usual mandatory B-movie swamp - like endless car driving and non-stop action music, no matter what's on the screen.Insidious: The Red Door
Father and son forgot their trauma through hypnosis, but when the son goes to college, the past comes back.
Wittenberg
09-04-2024
Uninspired and uncapable
An utterly uninspired attempt to do some more with this franchise. It looses any creepiness early on, only to continue with a tiresome, slow and predictable waste of time.Death Valley
Contractors are hired to rescue a scientist from a secret lab in a forest where horrible alien experiments took place
Wittenberg
20-12-2021
Uninspired and stolen
A drab and shameless collage of stuff we have seen a million times before, delivered by subpar actors doing annoying characters.Catwoman
Girl murdered, then ressurects with cat powers. Revenge.
Wittenberg
04-06-2014
Maybe girls like it
The problem is that they made this into some sort of girl movie, with girlpowermusic, a love interest with a Ken, an evil beauty make-up corporation and a bouncy and goofy main character. Worse: they managed a half-naked woman walking around in leather to be completely non-sensual.Gantz
Anime series about people who get to hunt monsters (aliens?) after they have been killed in an accident
Wittenberg
19-01-2020
I gave up
I thought I'd give this a try since I quite liked the digital movie 'Gantz:O' that was based on this. I tried to persevere, but just couldn't finish this due to it's slow nature and endless waves of atrociously bad and bizarre acting and dialogues - between and even during the monster fights.Kickboxer: retaliation
Once again an underdog partipates in a fighting match to take on the evil champion
Wittenberg
12-05-2022
You may skip this
I'll admit that I didn't see it in it's entirety, but I am pretty sure what this is: A dorky cardboard white hero doing bizarre over the top fighting, his pretty girlfriend looking worried in the sidelines, and some painfully awkward appearances of Van Damme and Lambert.Better Than Us
In the future, a precious humanoid robot escapes and finds shelter in a family with their own problems
Wittenberg
07-01-2024
No drive
I probably shouldn't be reviewing this as I stopped after 3 episodes, but here i am. The core idea is decent enough, but there's absolutely no energy in the story or the way it was told. Cold and bland, the prospect of watching 13 more terrified me. Perhaps the absence of music was part of it.Movies found: 1044 | max movies per page: 50 | Showing: 11 - 60
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