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I, Frankenstein

Frankenstein's monster's chosen profession, being alive and all, is demon hunter. Together, with gargoyles!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2014

Pointless and quite uninteresting

The creation of the monster is briefly told in flashbacks while the opening titles are still running. The fact that he is Frankentein's is hardly relevant. He is basically a strong, civilized dude fighting demons, in a dull and stiff copycat of Underworld and Van Helsing Gothic stylistics.
4.5

Away

Mum goes to Mars. Away from her family.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2020

Soggy family drama with occasional space things

Don't get tricked into thinking this is a scifi adventure. This is a soap opera, featuring an insanely uncooperative and unprofessional crew, bitching and moaning and solving tedious problems like the water supply and the flue. Back on earth, there is slow nagging family drama and diseases. Ugh!
4.5

Manifest

A plane disappears and reappears, to find that the world has progressed five years and the passengers have not

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-08-2022

Afwul soap barely kept afloat by a vaguely interesting story

The mysterious event was enticing enough to drag me through the first season, but barely so. The problem is the incredibly soapy style of the actors, cinematography and pacing. Cheesy perfect persons constantly walking into the scene at the right moment to seamlessly join the conversation. Ugh.
4.5

Capsule

Astronaut depens heavily on radiohelp from earth to get his faulty capsule to return home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-11-2016

A lot more was required to make it this bold idea work

A bold mov(i)e which almost exclusively shows the astronaut strapped in his seat. But the amateuristic, jumpy astronaut, the repetitious dialogues and unconvincing procedures are way insufficient to make it work. There's a twist at the end, but if you made it that far you'll probably no longer care.
4.5

Warning

A bunch of (related?) stories, with perhaps future technology and mankind as a central theme

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-11-2021

Vague unrewarding stories

Incomprehensible at first, I got some ease of mind when I realized it's just some vague ideas and separate stories glued together in a movie. In itself still a feasible concept, but in here it was just a bit pointless and directionless, without any payoff.
4.5

Infini

Rescue squad gets transported to a distant space base to save the last survivor

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017

Looong everyting

Occasionally it strikes a chord, but EVERYTHING - be it people talking, staring, chasing, monologuing, contemplating, fighting, briefing or debriefing - takes so freaking long it starts to mess with your mind.
4.5

Magellan

Astronaut on a lone mission to investigate signals suddenly coming from various locations in our solar system

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-09-2021

Unable to compensate for the little resources it had

An irresistible story and some of the space graphics are not too bad. But they contrast starkly with the amateuristic 'interior' of the spaceship, and the bizarre procedures of the space flight and handling of possible alien artifacts (plastic bag?). I also missed a point or clue to any of it.
4.5

The Mummy

Modernday thief digs up a mummy that wasn't supposed to be found, for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Underperforms in many fields

A surprisingly boring flick that feels like it was made ten years too late and does a lot of things wrong. I was especially annoyed by the humorless role of the female interest, it never got scary or tense and it severely lacked some good music.
4.5

Fifty Shades of Grey

Woman falls in love with mysterious and wealthy man, but he has sadomasochistic desires

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016

What a turnoff

Mostly a boring soap opera where they speak in Hollywood cliches. Their relationship is ice cold and unconvincing. The woman is confusingly flip flop towards the SM, and the corresponding scenes are bullshit as they kept it 'romantic' and pretty to look at. A feather? Really!?
4.5

Other Life

Scientist invents memory injections, but when it is used against her the line between real and artificial memory starts to blur

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Lifeless

Nothing wrong with the idea, but it is let down by the miscasted lead playing the cocky, cold emo-scientist. The story is also annoyingly vague, and not in the intriguing, mind-bending way I was hoping for. A few days after watching this, my wife asked how it ended and I had no idea what to say.
4.5

Parallels

A mysterious phonecall from a missing father leads people into a strange building that opens up to alternate earths

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2017

Nice idea poorly executed

Love the basic idea, but it's executed poorly with rather annoying young adults delivering really bad lines and making everything seem hopelessly amateuristic.
4.5

Riddick

After being left for dead on a hostile planet, a ship full of mercenaries is Riddicks's only way off the planet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2014

A B-movie in disguise

Non-stop pretty, but also painfully slow, tedious and full of uninspired really poor dialogue. They are too eager to portray Riddick as a mysterious, ubercool, enigmatic hero, instead turning him into an unsympathetic showoff.
4.5

Insurgent

In a future where people are living in factions based to their personalities, a group of rebels aim to break these boundaries

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2016

Can you make it till the end

I am afraid I loathe these 'young adult' future novels as of late. I can't stand these plastic, one dimensional people living in these ridiculous worlds doing unlikely stuff, always looking oh so pretty as they go along. The only savior are the imaginative and classy 'sim' scenes near the end.
4.5

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Man - who is also a burning skeleton motor cyclist - must rescue boy who... ah whatever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-02-2013

Burning boredom

If looking at a burning skeleton hero obliterating devil scum is still boring and liveless... something must be wrong.
4.5

Jiu Jitsu

Man with memory loss appearantly is member of a team fighting a (very) Predator-like alien from another dimension

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2021

Nope. Still a B movie.

With steady reference to a comic book, some boldsy camera work and heaps of crazy martial arts this might have winded up being smirky and fun. But it is mostly tedious and bizarre, and the lead character appears to have been typecasted as a universal B movie karate dork.
4.5

Ender's Game

A youngster is the chosen one to be trained as spacefleet admiral and repell alien threat

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-07-2014

Kids in space

These kids are trained for space command by having them play a pointless Harry Potter floating game! This unwatchable movie is full of such nasty face palm moments, burying the sharp looking visuals deep beneath the surface. "He has a complicated response to authority" - who talks like that?
4.5

Gods of Egypt

Exhiled Horus gets a change to reclaim his crown with the aid of a mortal thief

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-10-2016

Nice demo

Looks and feels like a computergame. Come to think of it, games nowadays have more interesting en deep characters than this painfully boring, flat and hollow production. It's always an embarrassing experience when so much is going on and you don't care about any of it.
4.5

The Requin

Couple with issues hires a luxery villa on poles in the sea to get away from things, until a storm rips it off and drift them onto open sea. With sharks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-03-2022

Too many issues

It's usually nice to view these disasters from the comfort of a lazy chair, but this one has too many issues. Fake effects, cheap and obvious use of stock material, subpar acting, overall implausible events and a really weird sense of distance, depth and location in the sea.
4.5

Kin Dread

Traumatized guy, confined to a room making soundseffectcs, discovers something strange in his apartment and about his past

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-11-2021

Could't follow or care

There might be a clever and interesting idea in here, but I am afraid it didn't quite come out for me. It was just to hard to follow, too vague to make sense and often got stuck like a car in a the mud.
4.5

Into The Storm

Tornados

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-12-2014

Cloaked with bad decisions

The question is: can you handle obnoxious teenagers with all kinds of uninteresting teenager problems, an unlikely crew of unlikable people, stiff acting and a pointless handheld camera approach in exchange for a few amusing tornado shots? Well, can you?
4.5

Goof dbase new movie

summary

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-09-2018

I want my site back

i really do
4.5

Movie 43

Teenagers scout the internet for a movie that doesn't exist, taking them through various bizarre movies as they go

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2014

fascinatingly unfunny

In itself I can see potential in the jokes on offer. But I just gazed at these clumsy, grime and bizarre sketches without laughing once, becoming almost fascinated in the process. It's one of those 'You need the right drug first' movies, but if you find which one, it could be hysterical.
4.5

Cars 2

McQueen and Mater get caught up up in a spionage and racing adventure.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-07-2013

Let's put in everything, kids gotta like something

Looking at this through the eyes of my children, I felt exhausted and embarrassed by the loud, hectic and rushed screenplay, overcomplicated story, and Mater shooting miniguns. But there must be something wrong with my eyes because they still seemed to enjoy it.
4.5

Geostorm

Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2018

All things wrong with big Hollywood productions

A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.
4.5

Silent Hill Revelation

Girl must save her father, who is trapped in a place full of demons

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-09-2013

Not as scary as it looks

This contains some very moody scenery and genuinely nightmarish footage. But the girl's plan is basically walking from one demon challenge to the next, and the rest of the story is either boring or incomprehensible.
5

Forbidden World

Astronout lands on a base where an alien experiment get out of hand

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-10-2021

Didn't turn out to be a classic

I watched this old nugget for some nostalgic quirks and perhaps hidden gems, but I am not sure I found them. Sure it has some remarkable nonsense and campy effects, but it's mostly just a bit crappy.
5

Firestarter (2022)

Girl tries to control and live with her ability to set things on fire, but evil people make her loose her cool

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-06-2022

Left me cold (that punchline is probably taken)

One of those movies that, on the face of it, looks quite solid and adept, and makes you wonder why you're not enjoying it more. I think her parent's additional paranormal abilities get in the way of an already uninspired and even boring story that fails to ignite. (That's probably also taken.)
5

Hungerford

Some roomies/friends try to survice, after space visitors turn everyone into zombies. Good thing one of them was just doing a film project.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2020

A minimal found-footage flick with annoying protagonist

I should sympathize with what they managed to create using very little resources, but it really was pretty basic zombie stuff. Some acted pretty good, some were ok, but the main character was a really annoying dude, I started to despise his constant heavy breathing and drama.
5

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Fox and friends engage in a war with local farmers when they steal chickens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2021

Did not push my buttons

It looks and feels artistically sound and could please Roald Dahl fans. Personally, I found the puppets not very pleasant to look at and I don't like the storytelling much. It's not outstandingly funny, exciting or clever, I did not know how to process it and even got a bit strangely agitated.
5

Reminiscence

When the future is bleak, people instead relive past memories with a machine. The operator running that facility gets involved when a femme fatale shows up

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-12-2021

half decent idea failed

The opportunity to do something cunning with the central idea gets lost in dull, pseudo film-noir kitsch, and the plot twist comes way too late to redeem it. But the real problems are inexcusably crincy Hollywood dialogue, audience pampering, poorly choreographed fights, among others.
5

The Phoenix incident

You know those 4 skatedude guys who went missing in Arizona? It was aliens man!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-12-2015

Too shaky

Hurah! It's not just found footage; it's loud, noisy and restless shaky footage too. Which makes this mockumentary, shoving a conspiracy down our throat, rather tiresome and lame.
5

The Matrix 4: Resurrections

Neo, living in the matrix again as a guy who made a matrix game, goes back into the matrix to save Trinity, who is in the matrix.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-02-2022

This time, the mindbender is the movie itself

I am not sure how a 4th sequel could have worked or what I wanted from it, but surely it wasn't this. I hate the lazy self aware 'meta' approach and the revisiting of classic moments. Nothing really works anymore, I cringed multiple times. An odd misfire, which makes you wonder how this came to be.
5

The Soul (2022)

Prosecutor dying of cancer takes on a murder case that reveals dark secrets and transplants of more than just cells

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-05-2022

Probably a brillant story but failed in presentation

I can appreciate the deep, well thought out story that stacks several layers of twists on each other, providing a real thinker of a crime story with perhaps a dash of horror. But it is presented so slowly en depressingly that I struggled to notice or care - and to stay awake too.
5

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

More huge titan monsters are awoken, and only Godzilla can restore the balance

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2019

Humans ruined earth AND this movie

Ruined by hollow, cringy and unfunny characters that speak exclusively in kitsch onelines and are monster experts, submarine commanders and anything else that comes their way. The monsters can't save it either, because, while fairly good looking, their fights are hard to follow and uninteresting.
5

Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie

I think it's about cyborg major leading a team to resolve the assassination of the prime minister

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-03-2017

Too complicated, not enough magic

It kept some of the magic of the original, but what it kept mostly is endless incomprehensible techno/politics that I could not stay focused on. It's not bad looking, but most of the art of the first movie is no longer here.
5

Captain America: Civil War

All superhero's turn on each other for some reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-11-2016

More boring and emotionless over the top stuff

In endless talking scenes, which made my son decide to watch something else, all sorts of story-lines from other movies are desperately and uninterestingly brought together. The battles are frantic but boring because noone ever gets hurt. And I still don't care about anyone.
5

USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

This ship went on a secret mission to deliver the atomatic bomb, but was sunk on the way back, leaving the few survivors in hellish waters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017

Overreached

This movie's overblown ambitions of doing war, drama, survival, courtroom and romance contrast sharply with bad fx, uninspired screenplay, half-baked actors and dodgy editing. I was bored watching those men get eaten by sharks, which can't be right!
5

The Cellar

Family buys old house with an evil attic. I mean cellar.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-08-2022

A museum of horror cliches

There were some ideas that could potentially make this horror stand on it's own feet, and a handful of moments I liked. But for the vast majority of time this is smothered and glued together by a plethora of horrormovie cliches, as if they were checking them on a mandatory list.
5

The Finest Hours

Against all odds, courageous men on a small coastguard boat sail into a storm to help the crew of a wrecked oiltanker

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016

Sunk

Not withstanding the good looks and production values, I thought this was a mess. The 50's atmosphere felt cliched, all characters are either obnoxious, one-dimensional or off, the love story was getting on my nerves and I was sort of glad it was over.
5

Independence Daysaster

Aliens strike from above and below, smalltown folk (and president) scramble into action

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-04-2014

Bad - but sympathetic and unpretentious

You B-movie you! With your continuous bombastic music blasting over shaky camera shots of people constantly jumping in and out a car! But it's sort of all right, it does what it can. Effects are sufficient. Fair game.
5

Sweet Home

A group of very different people in an appartment building is faced with fighting monsters

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2021

The characters hit a nerve I did not know I had

The groundwork was promising; colorful cartoon-like imagery, pleasantly weird monsters and potentially interesting group dynamics. But none of the people is particularly likable. In fact I started to despise many of them up until the point I could no longer watch it. Never had this before.
5

Pacific Rim: Uprising

The monsters have been defeated, but not for long

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2019

Do you like robot fights?

Listen, I just came here for giant robots smashing huge monsters, and got what I wanted. Never mind that every person in this movie is a ridiculous Hollywood abomination and everything they say and do is stupid as can be, making this essentially a horrible Power Rangers movie with no soul.
5

Synchronicity

Small teams get a timemachine to run work, one of them gets caught up in paradoxes

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-06-2018

The story is there. Execution is not.

There's probably a really clever, if not somewhat difficult to follow, story in here. But the really lackluster execution, dull performances, suspiciously limited locations and depressing dark colors made me struggle to care... no matter how much bladerunner music they throw in!
5

Flatliners (2019)

Med students have themselves killed and take a peak at the afterlife before they are reanimated. But all is not fun and games.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-08-2019

Same problem as the original, executed worse

Like the original, the concept is awesome but I still find the clue rather dull and unsatisfying. Worse, in this version some of characters are quite annoying, some of their lines rather cheesy and the scares copied and uninspired. I was waiting for everyone to just say sorry and get this over with.
5

Halo 4: forward unto dawn

Cadets getting trained for combat in the halo universe

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-08-2013

Mission failed: please try again

What happened? They got great looking props, effects, a spot-on color palette, an exciting Halo playground, and even the warthog. Yet all they came up with are close-ups of whining and insubordinate teenagers, and a minimal story that's still going nowhere.
5

Dark Cloud

Traumatized girl gets experimental therapy by being secluded in a house run by an artificial intelligence

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-07-2022

Too tedious and uneventful

The story is familiar, but one that always seems open for a new interpretation, and it's a story that can work just fine with limited budget like this movie. Unfortunate, this one failed. It is mostly tedious, slow and uneventful, and lacks the philosophical or technological wit to make it deep.
5

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

With inside help, Alice gets a change to destroy the T-virus once and for all

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-06-2017

Looks alright, feels numb

Much like the previous parts, this looks good and has some creative, vicious beasts on offer. But it also features the same hollow, boring screenplay and empty characters. It feels like a bunch of monster challenges glued together.
5

Captain Marvel

A woman with superpowers and generic green aliens and avengers and tessaracts and whfff

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-09-2020

I felt nothing

A cheerful, colorful, slick looking action superhero movie that went straight through me.
5

Sex Ed

Mathteacher can't find a suitable job, so he settles for giving sex education to teens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-01-2015

Sex ought to be funnier than this

It had a lot going for it. A funny idea, a mellow Cuban vibe and potential. Unfortunately, the jokes won't ignite and many scenes just fall flat. Also contains a painfully misguided good-will-hunting-ish speech scene that isn't even trying to be funny.
5

A walk among the tombstones

Private detective searching for a bunch of sickos mutilating and killing the loved ones of drug dealers

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015

Another movie with Liam Neeson, definitely not one of his best

I am still wondering what the writers were thinking, as well as Liam Neeson reading the script. Watching a goldfish in a fish tank for 114 minutes must be more exciting than this...
5

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