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ARQ

Guy gets caught in a time loop in which he must escape a house from evil people who want his time machine. Sort of.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-11-2018

Repitition can be repetitive

This movie made me appreciate those stuck-in-repeating-day movies more, for doing the same but keeping it interesting still. This one, however, is agonizingly repetitive, narrow and has a crawling pace and boring actors. Too bad about the snappy beginning a synth soundtrack.
3.5

Catwoman

Girl murdered, then ressurects with cat powers. Revenge.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-06-2014

Maybe girls like it

The problem is that they made this into some sort of girl movie, with girlpowermusic, a love interest with a Ken, an evil beauty make-up corporation and a bouncy and goofy main character. Worse: they managed a half-naked woman walking around in leather to be completely non-sensual.
4

Transformers: Age of Extinction

The humans built their own transformers, not realizing what they created. Autobots come to the rescue.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-10-2014

near torture

This movie looks AWESOME and is a production triumph. You can however, barely watch this. It is crammed with excessive, loud, stupid, endless, insane action, terrible humor, restless angled camera shots, rushed montage, cliches, bucket loads of kitsch and oversaturated color. Somebody make it stop.
4

V/H/S: Viral

A bunch of unrelated horror fantasy stories, except that they all contain some amount of filming. Not necessarily on VHS though.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-07-2015

Messy

I'd like to think there is a deeper meaning behind the foul nastiness. But it felt like an unpleasant, loud and incoherent peak in some perverted minds' shock fantasies. 'Yeh so like there's skate dudes and then zombies come.' End of story. That parallel dimension thing was alright though.
4

The Holly Kane Experiment

Scientist is working on a therapy involving mind alterations, but shady people start to approach her. Who can she trust?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
29-12-2018

You don't fool me

This movie likes to think it is deep and intelligent, but instead is tedious and shallow. The science is vague and pointless, and why is everybody constantly dining out?
4

Gantz

Anime series about people who get to hunt monsters (aliens?) after they have been killed in an accident

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-01-2020

I gave up

I thought I'd give this a try since I quite liked the digital movie 'Gantz:O' that was based on this. I tried to persevere, but just couldn't finish this due to it's slow nature and endless waves of atrociously bad and bizarre acting and dialogues - between and even during the monster fights.
4

The Last Witch Hunter

Cursed to live forever, a witch hunter is faced with his old nemesis again in the present times

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-01-2017

Boring and superficial

The miscasted Diesel lacks the character and cannot show the burden of centuries of witch slaying. Also, the stories, conversations and even the action scenes are yawn-inducing. None if it flows well.
4

Doctor Sleep

Now an adult, the boy from The Shining has managed to take control of his ghosts when he sets out to help another gifted girl

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-08-2020

Sacrilege yourself

Well this sequel seemed like an unholy idea to begin with, but since apparently King himself wrote it I was hopeful. Alas, it really is a sacrilege that fails to become scary, stuff they bring back from the Shining instantly looses it's appeal and the sucking of 'scare smoke' was just so childish.
4

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

The winners from the previous games are used to suppress rebellion or something

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-03-2014

Pretentious, boring and annoying

I found it impossible to care about this world or any of the lifeless flat characters inhabiting it. I didn't understand what they were doing or what was driving them, and was annoyed and bored out of my mind. One of the rare movies I switched off - so I guess you could say I liked Sharknado better.
4

The Starving Games

A parody of guess which movie

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-08-2015

A turkey of the second kind

A rather dumb and unfunny fest of bad jokes, though some might still accidentally trigger a slight smile now and then. Not the worst of bad parodies.
4

Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse

Historian and son find a pattern in world disasters pointing to the end of the world, and set out to stop that from happening

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-08-2015

ehmmmmm.....Yup, it's a B-movie

For a while I thought it had a change of becoming at least a reasonable B-movie, but then it quickly sank into the usual mandatory B-movie swamp - like endless car driving and non-stop action music, no matter what's on the screen.
4

Assasins Creed

Some guy from a line of medieval assissins takes trips back in time with some machine to find some magic apple

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-05-2017

Stupid and liveless

I guess the effort is there, but what a bummer. The whole time travel thing was unnecessary, incomprehensible and preposterous. Why didn't they just cook up a story situated in the past? Also, icecold characters throughout, cheesy and dumb lines and too much footage of people gazing in the distance.
4

Cycle

Astronaut (?) wakes up in a place and needs to find a way out before a fog runs over it.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-05-2022

Fascinating AND yawn inducing

This could have been a bomb, with it's absolutely unconventional and puzzling story, trippy scenery and remarkable animation that I took for real footage. Unfortunately, many scenes and conversations are way too long, vague and boring, and without a clue on what's going I had to fight to stay awake.
4

Project Ithica

A group of people random people find themselves strapped and arranged in a circle .... inside a spaceship?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-05-2020

Gets tired quickly

Watching these annoying, unsympathetic, sweaty people moaning and screaming in turns gets tiring very quickly. There is hardly any any point to any of it.
4

Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

It's not just bugs that run over Mars, but an evil politician tries to destroy the entire planet - inhabitants included. Troopers to the rescue.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2017

Ruined by the characters

Some of it looks dated, some of it looks quite good, some action scenes I liked. But it's all in vain, because of the ultra cheesy, cringe worthy characters that make it feel like a Powerrangers episode... but not in a good, satirical way like the original managed to pull of.
4

The Rebels of PT-218

During ww2, a cargoship is performs a heroic attack on canons on the shoresline

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-08-2021

Unsuccesful attempt to make a warmovie with little resources

If you have no budget, should you make a movie about something complicated as naval combat? While some scenes actually get by, the constant black or white surroundings are suspicious. What's more: the movie is not about a PT-218 (torpedo boat) at all, and everything else is a bit meh too.
4

The Machine

Scientist attempts to cure his daughter by hacking a government project for revitalising brainddead soldiers, but builts a new kind of robot in the progress. Sort of

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-03-2015

Too boring, too B

While it manages to squeeze out a couple of moody scenes, it is mostly a very slow, quite boring movie that keeps relying on the same tricks and scenes over and over again. I also thought the robot's behavior was how a five year old would portray one.
4

Death Valley

Contractors are hired to rescue a scientist from a secret lab in a forest where horrible alien experiments took place

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-12-2021

Uninspired and stolen

A drab and shameless collage of stuff we have seen a million times before, delivered by subpar actors doing annoying characters.
4

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Something with large and loud robots helping some kid and earth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-06-2013

Unbearably loud

That's it. I have grown old. Some years ago, I would still have fallen for the stellar CGI and non-stop heavy duty action. But as off now, I can no longer stand this hysteric, over-the-top, screaming insane action and was struggling not to switch this off.
4

Kickboxer: retaliation

Once again an underdog partipates in a fighting match to take on the evil champion

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-05-2022

You may skip this

I'll admit that I didn't see it in it's entirety, but I am pretty sure what this is: A dorky cardboard white hero doing bizarre over the top fighting, his pretty girlfriend looking worried in the sidelines, and some painfully awkward appearances of Van Damme and Lambert.
4

Alien Outpost aka Outpost 37

Mockumentary of soldiers in some outpost fighting aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-05-2015

Badly done scifi

A confusing, unexciting and poorly done movie with bland characters. It is slow, uninteresting and misfires with really phoney 'interviews' in between. The whole documentary approach can't save it.
4

Rings

More people watch the cursed video

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-10-2017

Lazy

What a terrible, lazy sequel compared to the terrifying original. Half of it is a rehash of the original and the other half a contrived attempt to make sense of sequel in the first place. Cheap jumpscares, generic adolescent actors and even the music sounds uninspired.
4

Goof dbase new movie

summary

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-09-2018

I want my site back

i really do
4.5

Geostorm

Mankind built a space system to keep the extreme climate in control, but then it starts to make things worse instead of better

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-02-2018

All things wrong with big Hollywood productions

A terrible film that checks all the boxes of overblown Hollywood-Michael-Bay like hysteria, stupidity and shallowness.
4.5

The Call-Up

Some gamers are invited to play a game in a lifesize simulated environment. It's all fun and games, until people actually die.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-01-2018

No twist?

I liked how it was all set up and some of the music in the beginning. But soon enough it is evident that the actors or screenplay are below par. But what bugged me the most is that they missed the opportunity to add some double layers and twists into the story, of which I can easily think of some.
4.5

IO

Woman is trying to find cures for a dying world, but an uninvited stranger urges her to join him and catch the last rescue ship into space

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-01-2019

Sympathetic but very boring

I really tried to get into the flow of this slow-burn movie, as a small, delicate an intimate story about big issues. But boring is boring, and the quasi-meaningful dialogue and cascade of pointless scenes made me yell COME ON too many times.
4.5

Occupation Rainfall

On an alien invaded earth, humans and some alied aliens set out find a mysterious rainfall that can save humanity

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-07-2022

Tiresome scifi bonanza

There's actually some okay stuff here and there: some effects, some scenes, some concepts, some designs. But it's just so bloated and hysteric, like they wanted to include everything they could think of and barf it onto you in an endless stream. Very tiresome.
4.5

The Phoenix Project

Four scientists in a garage try to revive dead animals

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-03-2015

Experiment failed

This could and should have been a geeky mind bending gem like Primer. But it is achingly slow at times, the science is underpowered and the scientists behave unnatural. Especially that Carter guy, who single-handedly wrecks this movie with really painful, unwatchable and ridiculous overacting.
4.5

Riddick

After being left for dead on a hostile planet, a ship full of mercenaries is Riddicks's only way off the planet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-02-2014

A B-movie in disguise

Non-stop pretty, but also painfully slow, tedious and full of uninspired really poor dialogue. They are too eager to portray Riddick as a mysterious, ubercool, enigmatic hero, instead turning him into an unsympathetic showoff.
4.5

Jiu Jitsu

Man with memory loss appearantly is member of a team fighting a (very) Predator-like alien from another dimension

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2021

Nope. Still a B movie.

With steady reference to a comic book, some boldsy camera work and heaps of crazy martial arts this might have winded up being smirky and fun. But it is mostly tedious and bizarre, and the lead character appears to have been typecasted as a universal B movie karate dork.
4.5

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Man - who is also a burning skeleton motor cyclist - must rescue boy who... ah whatever

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-02-2013

Burning boredom

If looking at a burning skeleton hero obliterating devil scum is still boring and liveless... something must be wrong.
4.5

Capsule

Astronaut depens heavily on radiohelp from earth to get his faulty capsule to return home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-11-2016

A lot more was required to make it this bold idea work

A bold mov(i)e which almost exclusively shows the astronaut strapped in his seat. But the amateuristic, jumpy astronaut, the repetitious dialogues and unconvincing procedures are way insufficient to make it work. There's a twist at the end, but if you made it that far you'll probably no longer care.
4.5

Manifest

A plane disappears and reappears, to find that the world has progressed five years and the passengers have not

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-08-2022

Afwul soap barely kept afloat by a vaguely interesting story

The mysterious event was enticing enough to drag me through the first season, but barely so. The problem is the incredibly soapy style of the actors, cinematography and pacing. Cheesy perfect persons constantly walking into the scene at the right moment to seamlessly join the conversation. Ugh.
4.5

Warning

A bunch of (related?) stories, with perhaps future technology and mankind as a central theme

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-11-2021

Vague unrewarding stories

Incomprehensible at first, I got some ease of mind when I realized it's just some vague ideas and separate stories glued together in a movie. In itself still a feasible concept, but in here it was just a bit pointless and directionless, without any payoff.
4.5

Ender's Game

A youngster is the chosen one to be trained as spacefleet admiral and repell alien threat

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-07-2014

Kids in space

These kids are trained for space command by having them play a pointless Harry Potter floating game! This unwatchable movie is full of such nasty face palm moments, burying the sharp looking visuals deep beneath the surface. "He has a complicated response to authority" - who talks like that?
4.5

Into The Storm

Tornados

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-12-2014

Cloaked with bad decisions

The question is: can you handle obnoxious teenagers with all kinds of uninteresting teenager problems, an unlikely crew of unlikable people, stiff acting and a pointless handheld camera approach in exchange for a few amusing tornado shots? Well, can you?
4.5

Magellan

Astronaut on a lone mission to investigate signals suddenly coming from various locations in our solar system

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-09-2021

Unable to compensate for the little resources it had

An irresistible story and some of the space graphics are not too bad. But they contrast starkly with the amateuristic 'interior' of the spaceship, and the bizarre procedures of the space flight and handling of possible alien artifacts (plastic bag?). I also missed a point or clue to any of it.
4.5

Movie 43

Teenagers scout the internet for a movie that doesn't exist, taking them through various bizarre movies as they go

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2014

fascinatingly unfunny

In itself I can see potential in the jokes on offer. But I just gazed at these clumsy, grime and bizarre sketches without laughing once, becoming almost fascinated in the process. It's one of those 'You need the right drug first' movies, but if you find which one, it could be hysterical.
4.5

Infini

Rescue squad gets transported to a distant space base to save the last survivor

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-02-2017

Looong everyting

Occasionally it strikes a chord, but EVERYTHING - be it people talking, staring, chasing, monologuing, contemplating, fighting, briefing or debriefing - takes so freaking long it starts to mess with your mind.
4.5

Cars 2

McQueen and Mater get caught up up in a spionage and racing adventure.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-07-2013

Let's put in everything, kids gotta like something

Looking at this through the eyes of my children, I felt exhausted and embarrassed by the loud, hectic and rushed screenplay, overcomplicated story, and Mater shooting miniguns. But there must be something wrong with my eyes because they still seemed to enjoy it.
4.5

The Mummy

Modernday thief digs up a mummy that wasn't supposed to be found, for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Underperforms in many fields

A surprisingly boring flick that feels like it was made ten years too late and does a lot of things wrong. I was especially annoyed by the humorless role of the female interest, it never got scary or tense and it severely lacked some good music.
4.5

Renegades

Navy seals divert from their mission to recover lost nazi gold form a Bosnian Lake

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-06-2021

blub blub

Instead of the nail-biting, claustrophobic movie the storyline caters for, it came out surprisingly dull and lame. Characters are boring, nothing really works, pacing is off, music is off, story totally implausible. It sinks even further when it tries to be witty.
4.5

Fifty Shades of Grey

Woman falls in love with mysterious and wealthy man, but he has sadomasochistic desires

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-07-2016

What a turnoff

Mostly a boring soap opera where they speak in Hollywood cliches. Their relationship is ice cold and unconvincing. The woman is confusingly flip flop towards the SM, and the corresponding scenes are bullshit as they kept it 'romantic' and pretty to look at. A feather? Really!?
4.5

Other Life

Scientist invents memory injections, but when it is used against her the line between real and artificial memory starts to blur

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-12-2017

Lifeless

Nothing wrong with the idea, but it is let down by the miscasted lead playing the cocky, cold emo-scientist. The story is also annoyingly vague, and not in the intriguing, mind-bending way I was hoping for. A few days after watching this, my wife asked how it ended and I had no idea what to say.
4.5

Insurgent

In a future where people are living in factions based to their personalities, a group of rebels aim to break these boundaries

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2016

Can you make it till the end

I am afraid I loathe these 'young adult' future novels as of late. I can't stand these plastic, one dimensional people living in these ridiculous worlds doing unlikely stuff, always looking oh so pretty as they go along. The only savior are the imaginative and classy 'sim' scenes near the end.
4.5

Parallels

A mysterious phonecall from a missing father leads people into a strange building that opens up to alternate earths

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-02-2017

Nice idea poorly executed

Love the basic idea, but it's executed poorly with rather annoying young adults delivering really bad lines and making everything seem hopelessly amateuristic.
4.5

Away

Mum goes to Mars. Away from her family.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-11-2020

Soggy family drama with occasional space things

Don't get tricked into thinking this is a scifi adventure. This is a soap opera, featuring an insanely uncooperative and unprofessional crew, bitching and moaning and solving tedious problems like the water supply and the flue. Back on earth, there is slow nagging family drama and diseases. Ugh!
4.5

I, Frankenstein

Frankenstein's monster's chosen profession, being alive and all, is demon hunter. Together, with gargoyles!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-06-2014

Pointless and quite uninteresting

The creation of the monster is briefly told in flashbacks while the opening titles are still running. The fact that he is Frankentein's is hardly relevant. He is basically a strong, civilized dude fighting demons, in a dull and stiff copycat of Underworld and Van Helsing Gothic stylistics.
4.5

Gods of Egypt

Exhiled Horus gets a change to reclaim his crown with the aid of a mortal thief

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-10-2016

Nice demo

Looks and feels like a computergame. Come to think of it, games nowadays have more interesting en deep characters than this painfully boring, flat and hollow production. It's always an embarrassing experience when so much is going on and you don't care about any of it.
4.5

The Requin

Couple with issues hires a luxery villa on poles in the sea to get away from things, until a storm rips it off and drift them onto open sea. With sharks.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-03-2022

Too many issues

It's usually nice to view these disasters from the comfort of a lazy chair, but this one has too many issues. Fake effects, cheap and obvious use of stock material, subpar acting, overall implausible events and a really weird sense of distance, depth and location in the sea.
4.5

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