You don't fool me

This movie likes to think it is deep and intelligent, but instead is tedious and shallow. The science is vague and pointless, and why is everybody constantly dining out?

Yawning at cenobites

Despite the powerful images and lore it could built upon, this turned out incredibly bland, uninspired and boring. There is no tension curve, no interesting story, no likable characters and it's not scary at all. The quasi deep mumbling of the cenobites made me go 'whatever' and then fall asleep.

Boring and superficial

The miscasted Diesel lacks the character and cannot show the burden of centuries of witch slaying. Also, the stories, conversations and even the action scenes are yawn-inducing. None if it flows well.

found random nonsense

First there's the usual get to know the annoying characters, then for a moment it's slightly interesting, only to then plummet into a mess of unclear, pointless, loud, endless and absolutely RANDOM events thrown at you because noone knew what this was about.

Messy

I'd like to think there is a deeper meaning behind the foul nastiness. But it felt like an unpleasant, loud and incoherent peak in some perverted minds' shock fantasies. 'Yeh so like there's skate dudes and then zombies come.' End of story. That parallel dimension thing was alright though.