BoiledDown.netIf everyone's a critic, then so are we! |
Replicas
When a memory transfer scientist looses his entire family in a car crash, he attempts to get them back by cloning them, including their mind
Wittenberg
11-08-2019
Mostly a missed opportunity
It's a good idea but never really takes off. Everyone seems disconnected and indifferent about what's going on, it lacks the eerie or fascinating ambience I would expect with a story like this, and it has got one of those annoying air computer interfaces, operated by ridiculous hand movements.Dark Shadows
Vampire wakes up in the seventies and sets out to bring back wealth to the family offspring
Wittenberg
30-12-2013
Surprisingly boring
Despite colorful characters and a potentially funny story, this movie is remarkably boring, and the Tim Burtonesque overacting and pacing got on my nerves here. Partially saved by a delightful Eva Green and a reasonable climax.Let Her Out
Something's growing inside of a woman... and it starts to take over
Wittenberg
25-02-2019
Doesn't do itself justice
The basic idea is quite good and could potentially have resulted in a very intense, physiological and emotional horror. But alas, despite a reasonable beginning, I found the actors weren't up to it and the movie has mostly some plain and borrowed jump scares to offer.Khanzab
A girl tries to solve the mystery of her father's violent death, and black magic curse surrounding her family
Wittenberg
01-10-2023
Good scares for some scenes, but not an entire movie
I was looking forward to experiencing the Indonesian take on horror. There are some moods and scenes that are quite intense, but they repeated until they loose their effectiveness. The story gets quite messy and the spirits pop in like puppets a haunted house at the fair.Planes
Planes flying around in the world of Cars (1)
Wittenberg
20-04-2014
What it needs to be
Not much in the way of originality, but adept at telling an effective, colorful and easy to follow story for the target audience.RockmeNow
29-11-2013
Planes flying around, that's about it
Ok, so it looks like the world of Cars (1), but with planes in it, which could be entertaining. But actually it is not, since they forgot to write a decent story. Too bad...Hippopotamus
With no memory, a girl awakens in a room with a man telling her she can't leave until she loves him
Wittenberg
10-12-2023
A fair puzzler missing class
Nothing wrong with these low budget movies in a single location, where you'll grow eager to find out how it all came to be. The story is also reasonably well thought out and offers some layers near the end. But I found both the actors and direction missing intensity and depth.Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk
Decorated Iraq soldier relives his experiences, and contemplates going back there, all during a honouring appearance in football game show
Wittenberg
14-05-2017
Lacks in too many areas to make it work
The alternating scenes of war and hollow mass entertainment could and should have generated interesting contrast, but I found it too unfocused in what it was trying to say, it lacked style, dialogue was lengthy and some themes, like the negotiations for the movie salary were uninteresting to me.Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Mysterious chocolate maker invites kids to his factory where one will win a price
Wittenberg
29-12-2018
I thought it'd be warmer
The original book passed me by, so I may be missing the point. While I can see the magical adventure on offer, I also thought this was rather sterile, cold and strange - especially Depp's performance - up till the point of being uncanny and unpleasant.Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation
The Transylvanian monsters go on a cruise, but they are not free from danger
Wittenberg
10-08-2019
Hit and miss. Loads of them.
I am beginning to see that the manic rate of good and bad jokes per minute is a trademark of this franchise, rather than perhaps a way to camouflage the lack of really good ideas. So it's non-stop hit and miss, but ultimately quite forgettable. Except maybe the fish. And the puppy.Hitman: Agent 47
Evil coorporation plans to revive a program for superhuman killers, but they have to deal with an earlier 'model' of superagent trying to stop them.
Wittenberg
02-08-2016
Some cool action served in a tired Hollywood sauce
I sort of get the cool and stylish action scenes in here, but it is hard to enjoy them given the the over the top coincidental story and one-dimensional people speaking Hollywood gibberish, like "Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to take things apart"Bloodshot
Soldier and his wife are killed, but he is revived with superpowers so he gets to take revenge
Wittenberg
03-01-2021
Lacks characters to make it work
With a few layers and twists on offer, the story is more interesting than I feared it would be, and I counted two pretty decent action scenes. But the one dimensional characters, of whom none is really likable, and the borderline B_movie vibe, make it hard to care about any of it.Tau
Woman is kidnapped by a dude working on some AI thing, so she tries to gain the trust of the artificial intercom housekeeper in order to escape
Wittenberg
30-06-2018
Lovely story but difficult to execute - and it shows
While I loved the idea, it would all depend on convincing dialogue and acting whether it would work out. Unfortunately, both are below par and the movie is too slow or mediocre to keep me interested.The Free Fall
After a suicide attempt a woman recovers under the care of her husband. But the doens't remember him, or her attempt....
Wittenberg
14-01-2024
Ideas were there, movie making skills were not
Near the end of this movie, it features some pretty interesting plot twists and scenery, suggesting that some creative minds were involved. But it contrasts starkly with the rest of the film, which feels very artificial and poorly made, like a cheap TV movie.Mine
After a compromised mission, a soldier hears a mine arm under his feet, leaving him standing pined-down, helpless all alone in the desert
Wittenberg
10-09-2017
Overreached
A courageous idea that requires a level of acting and screenplay that this movie unfortunately does not have. Near the end it derails in a swamp of endless cliched flashbacks and emotional scenes that had me begging for it to stop.A Million Ways to Die in the West
Out of place cowboy is dumped by his true love, but gets unexpected help to win her back
Wittenberg
01-03-2015
Why the story?
Come on people! Why didn't they just parody the hell out of western movies in true McFarlane style? An ineffective mix of some brutal and bold humor drowned in an uninteresting and righteous love story.Exists
Them kids in a cabin in the woods are terrorized my Bigfoot. All caught with found footage.
Wittenberg
16-04-2016
Average, quite unoriginal stuff
The more we get to see this creature, the less scary it becomes. And for Christs sake, does it always have to be teenage stoners who experience this stuff? And they brought how many camera's? Sit with the other average found footage horror movies please.3022
The crew of a remote space station is faced with tough choices when disaster strikes... back on earth
Wittenberg
27-02-2021
Just made it
It's definitely one of those movies where, due to a lack of resources, people walk and talk endlessly in a handful of sets. So it can be plain and sluggish. But I have to say the actors, music and story are not too bad and manage to lift this movie into the realm of ok.The Tomorrow War
People are send to the future to help fight a loosing war against an alien invasion
Wittenberg
04-07-2021
Forgettable and hardly interesting
While the time traveling does add something to the alien invasion genre, most of this felt quite cliched and tired. It's one of those movies seems to think it doesn't have to be exciting, involving, innovative or believable because it's just a blockbuster with a lot of money. Wrong.The Great Wall
Fortune seekers looking for gun powder find out what the Great Wall of China was protecting against
Wittenberg
30-12-2017
A popsicle
It tries to dazzle with colorful combat suits and pretty scenery, but the fighting and action is so over the top silly that it fails in doing so. It is impossible to take it seriously and therefore this flirt with potentially profound Chinese folklore is merely a quick sugar fix.This is the End
Film actors at a party find themselves amidst judgement day... and saviour of the righteous only
Wittenberg
23-06-2015
Mostly self absorbed
The idea of the actors playing more or less themselves in a bizarre situation like this is kind of nice. But for the most part, the look-at-how-funny-we-are is tiresome instead.Ready Player One
In a near future, where people spend most of their time living their fantasies in VR, a group of friends aims to solve a grand puzzle in this virtual world
Wittenberg
09-02-2019
Childish and patronizing fan service
I am a movie, game and VR aficionado so this ought to have been perfect for me. But I found it hard to get into this childish and strange mixture, and it struck me like it was made by someone who doesn't really play games and was constantly going: see what i did here. You kids like this yes?Blackhat
In order to combat cyber assaults on a powerplant and the stockmarket, the FBI calls in the help of an incarcerated superhacker
Wittenberg
02-08-2016
Nicely shot nonsense
It looks and sounds slick, but it is ruined by a lazy, romanticized and dumped-down Hollywood view of 'hacking' and a miscasted pretty boy as a hacker. Also, the hacker apparently was allowed to engage in FBI activities like shooting, fighting and pursuit. Preposterous.The Titan
On a diminishing earth, some humans are experimentally transformed so they can live on the moon Titan
Wittenberg
12-08-2018
Experiment failed
It started okay-ish with a potentially interesting story and decent actors, but it is let down by a slow pace causing my attention to wander off several times, and then the story falls apart as it becomes incomprehensible and weird.Hipersomnia
While rehearsing for a play, an actress gets mixed up in a horrible alternate reality in a brothel from hell
Wittenberg
30-11-2019
Should have been better
Potentially a mind bending horror story, it feels like the creators just didn't have what it takes. It feels a bit amateuristic and improvised. near the end it derails further, with out of control horror music blasting over a just average finale.Zombie Lake
Small town is terrorized by zombies in a lake, eating mostly nude females
Wittenberg
12-11-2021
Be ready for the worst and have a good time
Full of technical errors, non-existent effects, dodgy acting, among many other problems. Successful as campy nonsense though, with a plenty of unnecessary nudity. And that one zombie who starts to feel empathy is not something you see everyday.Babylon
The ups and downs of two actors in the days of the early Hollywood industry
Wittenberg
14-01-2024
A loud movie about a world and people that only exist in movies
I probably should write something like "A daring expose of the decadence and ruthlessness of the inner workings of Hollywood", but frankly I found this a rather loud, unpleasantly over the top movie, with unlikable, unrelatable and exaggerated characters. Pretentious and Oscar hungry.12 Strong
Soon after 9-11, a special forces team is sent to Afghanistan to assist a local tribe with fighting the Taliban
Wittenberg
28-07-2020
Unbelievable
If it's based on a true story, I found it suspicious how the Taliban kept running into the line of fire, were unable to hit anything and how the Americans made perfect shots from galloping horses they never rode before. The quasi deep lectures from the tribe leader also annoyed me.Man of Tai Chi
In order to help his master and temple, a Tai Chi expert is forced to use this soft style in a hard way in illegal underground fights
Wittenberg
11-05-2014
Dozing off during bare-handed fights to the death.... weird
Who knows: these could be some of the most complicated and extraordinary fighting scenes ever. But it is all remarkably boring, because of the unoriginal story and lack of any tension. Keanu portays one of the most dull one-trick pony villains ever.Infinitum: Subject Unknown
In a sort of experiment, a woman must escape from a house during which she interacts with parallel escape attempts from herself in other dimensions
Wittenberg
30-07-2021
Quite plain considering the subject
I think the misleading poster artwork is what they actually had in mind: a mind-bending puzzler about realities intertwined through dimension. It contrasts starkly with the very plain and and basic execution in which someone tries to escape a house and the dimension thing hardly takes of.Iron Man 3
Iron man takes on a terrorist
Wittenberg
13-10-2013
Iron mess
Mindblowing events and technology, yet noone seems to give a damn. So neither did I. A mess of rushed storytelling, boredom, an unlikable hero, noise and so much Iron man suits that I stopped caring about any of them. Suicide by abundance.Higher Power
A nobody is used exprimentally to perfoms hitjobs, but gradually his altered capabilites make him godlike... for good reason
Wittenberg
07-11-2020
subpar until it ends
A strange and disjointed affair that feels directionless and amateuristic. I was about to smack it down, only to find it ending in really stylish special effects, gorgeous colors and mesmerizing scenery. Not nearly enough to save it, but what a turn of events!Revolt
During a robot invasion, a commando suffering from memory loss teams up up with a woman in trying to survive
Wittenberg
07-10-2018
Compotent but underwhelming
I couldn't quite wrap my head around why I was so underwhelmed by this. Action, FX and story seem ok and I like how it was situated in Africa for a change. I fear the bland, slightly uninteresting main characters might have something to do with it.Heavy Metal
Several story's connected by a green power-mongering sphere that brings out the worst in our wold.. and others
Wittenberg
01-03-2020
Not aged well
Sure, there is some stuff to like, but most of the appeal starts to rest on being a 'cult classic ' rather than on actually being great. I suspect it's relevance at the time has since been far surpassed by Manga.Occhi Chiusi
A woman is living isolated in the mountains with her daughter, and things get weird. Or something.
Wittenberg
13-02-2024
Not only hard to see, also hard to grasp
With dark and often very closed-up imagery, and depressing and slow flow, it certainly has a ominous and unsettling vibe to it. But I found the story too unclear and vague to make much of it. I am not sure what it was about, and that's not always a good thing.Phantom
Russian sub must carry a mysterious crew and device along on a mission
Wittenberg
16-03-2014
Good intentions drowned in mistakes
Some fine actors and submarine drills can't compensate for a miscasted Duchovny and slow and insecure script. Most exciting scenes are destroyed when, in the heat of a moment, Duchovny asks "what are you doing now", and the captain actually pauses his command and starts to explain!!!!Prey
Some guys just about to finish a hike through the woods, are hunted down by someone with rifle
Wittenberg
23-09-2021
Needed more
The scenery is pretty, and the plain, no-nonsense execution gives it some purity. But it's hard to connect with the characters who are also having irrelevant work-related quarrels, and the plot is really a very thin succession of shot-flee-argue over and over. It misses some sort of twist or payoff.There's Something Wrong With the Children
Two befriended couples on vacation visit a mysterious building, after which their children start to act weird
Wittenberg
23-03-2023
Not intense or scary enough
The story has plenty of potential, but it's one of those movies that just won't get scary without an obvious reasons why. I am guessing it's that kids that are more annoying than scary, and an atmosphere that makes it feel like an episode in a series - with limited budget and inspiration.Yakamoz S-245
A group of marine scientists escapes global extinction due to a solarburst, and have to work together with the crew of a military sub to find a new home
Wittenberg
15-10-2022
Loaded with problems, but there's something in there
This series was packed with a lot of problems: one dimensional characters, stalling forever, bizarre behavior and dialogues, and weird decisions throughout - to name but a few. But somehow, the fab color pallet, the music, some scenes and the interesting premise manage to keep it afloat.Beyond Skyline
Group of people fighting a blue led alien invasion
Wittenberg
19-02-2021
Strange mixture
An unusual combination of reasonably high FX and production values, some unpretentious B movie actors and atmosphere don't even pretend to be anything else, and then a rather odd turn of events that takes the action to the jungle. Not a masterpiece by any means, but it entertains.Zoolander 2
Derek has retreated and gone out of fashion, but must come back into action to save his son
Wittenberg
26-12-2016
Not up to their potential
I dig the whacky Zoolander world and humor, but unfortunately this story was too formulaic and good jokes too scarce.The 9th Company
Russian soldiers get trained for a mission in Afghanistan
Wittenberg
30-10-2016
I think I was supposed to hate the other guys
I'm sorry, was I supposed to care about these obnoxious, loud, misbehaven, ugly, drinking, gang raping soldiers? Once the stage moves to Afghanistan the movie gets better, but not enough to make up for it.Star Trek Beyond
A brute force enemy causes the Enterprise to crashland. The survivors must find away to release the hostages and prevent further mayhem
Wittenberg
24-04-2017
Awkward and off
The scenes of destruction are mighty, but overall this really felt off. They totally overdid the constant humor which started to feel like slapstick. The story and events also felt awkward and cheesy like the original series, with embarrassing scenes like driving around a motorbike to divert aliensThe Accountant
Autistic man has a special talent for accounting, and appearantly for some darker activities as well
Wittenberg
02-01-2019
Too far-fetched
This didn't really connect with me. The story is way too far-fetched, made-up and over the top to be taken seriously, and it dwells in the tiresome notion that autistic people must have superpowers.Couples Retreat
Couples agree to go to a discounted paradise vacation, not realizing relationship therapy is part of the package
Wittenberg
14-02-2016
Predictably average
Besides a colorful tropical scenery and a couple of laughs, this one has only average and mostly predictable jokes and the inevitable moral ending to offer.Sharknado
A storm brings hungry sharks way inland, especially those in the tornado!
Wittenberg
02-03-2014
Succesfully bad
With a story like that, this movie needed to be bad. And it succeeded effortlessly, with an helpless actors, abysmal effects, bad editing and incoherent lighting in every scene. So if you are INTO that sort of thing, you could be sort of entertained. If not, like a said: it really is bad.Time Trap
When they try to recover missing persons from a cave, it seems that in there, there is something wrong with time
Wittenberg
15-08-2020
Great idea cannot overcome B-movie atmosphere
I love the idea, and it's one that could have worked beautifully with limited budget and resources. Unfortunately, they went with rather dull, unimaginative characters delivering cheesy lines and doing crincy things, which results in a fatal B-movie atmosphere. Too bad, they were on to something.Teenage Mutant Turtle Ninjas
When a badguy attempts to poisson the city, the turtles must finally come out in the open and defend the city
Wittenberg
04-12-2014
An unnecessary movie with no audience
If the idiotic concept of TNMT will ever make any sense, it is in a vivid, wacky animated environment. In a real life movie it didn't really work, the story and pacing were bland and the turtles extremely uncomfortable to look at.Deathgasm
Outcasted and bored metalheads play a song that summons evil
Wittenberg
12-06-2022
Go harder
I liked the idea of making the foul subjects of metal come alive, but unfortunately this movie offers only some lukewarm gags and horrors. And despite all the effort, there still is something unmetal about it - like they didn't dare to venture into the actual macabre subjects of some of these bands.Noise
When a man start looking into his father's life and the factory he worked in, he becomes more insane as more secrets emerge
Wittenberg
22-03-2023
ok but lots of loose ends
Although we liked this movie, with it's relaxed but pleasantly mysterious atmosphere and decent characters, it felt badly insecure about the story it wanted to tell. Was it about the factory? The father? The mother? Was noise really so much of an theme to warrant the title? Hmmm.Lazer Team
A spacesuit that was sent to earth to protect us from bad aliens, falls in the hands nobodies. Now it's up to them to save earth.
Wittenberg
19-08-2016
Fun concept exectued unremarkably
Sort of cozy and sympathetic, but most jokes fall flat and it has a very generic feeling about, like you have already seen it.Extraterrestial
Adolescents camping in the woods find themselves amongst aliens
Wittenberg
12-09-2015
Manages to be ok
It's the same old adolescents , going to the same old cabin in the woods with the same old aliens. But there's a couple of scenes, moments and even performances in here that keep this movie in the green.Captive State
An underground network of rebels fight back against alien occupation
Wittenberg
01-08-2019
Average
Apart from a few tasty scenes, the scifi level is very low and they might as well have been fighting human oppressors. I found it hard to follow what everyone was doing and what the plan was, and the red dust from the poster is not in this movie AT ALL. Quite average.The Amazing Spider-Man
Man gets spiderpowers and saves the world from lizardman
Wittenberg
21-02-2013
Pretty whatever for someone amazing
Making wisecrack remarks while flying through the air during a live threatening battle - kind or ruined things for me. Lizardman not scary either.Pet Semetary (2019)
A family man discovers a semetary that brings back dead pets. What else could it work on?
Wittenberg
25-06-2023
not scary enough, too little to standout
While it has some good moments, like the backstory of his wife that is actually more scary than the main plot, overall I found it a bit plain and predictable. The scares don't go deep.Curvature
A timemachine forces a woman to stop her other self, who has already used it, from committing a murder
Wittenberg
27-01-2019
Too flawed to make the story come alive
I am a sucker for awesome stories like these, that have the deep low synth tones as a soundtrack, like this one, even if they are made with limited resources... like this one. But it is very minimal indeed, with slow pacing and unconvincing acting, making me bored rather than intrigued.Romina
Girl takes horrific revenge on Spanish campers after two of them rape her
Wittenberg
21-07-2018
Spoils itself
The Spanish vibe was a nice change from American teens, and they deliver authentic streams of non-stop chit-chat about nothing. This movie begins by showing how they will end butchered, so after a while I just started waiting for it to happen, getting bored of the cinematic tricks along the way.Harbinger Down
Crab fishing boat picks up a space derelict from the ice, after which something otherwordly preys upon the crew
Wittenberg
21-10-2019
Bearable for sci-fi horror enthusiasts
Acting is mostly bad. Dialogue strange and clunky. Monster makes inappropriate animal growls. And plenty of bad stuff besides. But still, the concept of something mysterious happening on a dark, desolate ship in the arctic is still enough to make this worthwhile, and some of it is quite okay.Control
Woman repeatedly wakes up in a closed room, where a voice gives her assignments to test her telekinetic abilities
Wittenberg
22-05-2023
Lacks excitement or ideas
While single-location movies may same ideal for low budget, it must be compensated for by the story and acting for it to work. This movie has neither. It kind of meanders with the concept, runs out of juice and then has a somewhat dissonant finale. Hmmm.V/H/S 2
Here's more bloody horror stories caught on tape
Wittenberg
03-03-2018
lacks inspiration
It sticks with the formula and delivers a healthy dose of blood and horror, but this time it felt less inspired and original. Some scenes started dwelling and had me going: get on with it! Also, the alien story was out of place and out of touch.Make My Day
A space soldier and his friends try to escape from planet when it is overrun with monsters coming out of it's mine
Wittenberg
19-03-2023
Poor characters and story
While there some stuff to like - like the general looks of it, the music, the creatures, and some cool scifi action - I could not get over the awful main character, who is constantly sobbing and making those awful Manga gasps. Many other characters, as well as the story, can be quite painful too.Glass
A researcher investigates the credibility and actual superpowers of the superhero's from Unbreakable and Split
Wittenberg
17-08-2019
Ultimately a failed attempt to prolong this
The story provides a potentially clever reason to bring these people together and add a twist to the story, but mostly it feels like everybody was dragged in front of the camera again, the "research" was laughable and I still hate MPD - it is so embarrassing to look at, not scary at all.Terminator: Genisys
The original timeline seen from the future perspective - until things start to change....
Wittenberg
12-07-2015
Full of letdowns.. just barely makes it to 'entertaining'
Kyle is now a miscasted dork. Sarah is now omnipotent and omniscient so all excitement is gone. The terminators scenes feel like a 'best of' rehash of earlier movies. It has an unrealistic and strange sterile look to it. The time travel has become a caricaturisation. Arnold was funny though.Outside the Wire
After neglecting an order, a drone pilot is send to join a mysterious supersoldier on a dangerous quest
Wittenberg
23-01-2021
Tries to be something it's not
With military action and gun-toting robots, this ought to has been my thing. But I was quiet disappointed. Mostly because they talk tough and say deep things, but it all falls completely flat. It's just trying too hard to be cool and relevant without following up on it.Spectral
Through their special visors, soldiers start to see ghostly figures that start coming after them
Wittenberg
04-06-2017
Decent ingredients but no cake
This started off ok with decent looks and characters, and initially it served the mysterious premise nice and easy. But as it progresses, there's not much more than chases and shootouts that feel distant and never truly excite. Also, the all-knowing McGuyver scientist was getting on my nerves.The Hangover III
The wolfpack gets involved in crazy mafia adventures yet again, but this time they're sober
Wittenberg
07-02-2016
I felt cheated
The 'what the hell happened last night' joke may have been running out of fuel. But as I watched the half-baked comedy that remained without it, I couldn't help but feel cheated.Trench 11
Near the end of WWI, a group of soldiers investigates an abandoned German underground complex to find out what they did in there
Wittenberg
26-01-2019
A bit underwhelming
The premise sets up a decent mysterious and scary atmosphere, but after a lot of flashlights in endless, similar looking dark hallways and disappointing bad guys, the thing runs out of fuel and fails to reap the claustrophobic possibilities.The Witcher season 2
The witcher is training the princess he protects, but her powers become more and more concerning
Wittenberg
09-01-2022
It's now soap
I still like the Witcher atmosphere, and sure there are some memorable moments to be found. But mostly I found season 2 remarkably tedious and empty. The main culprit is the oddly soapy style of storytelling, with endless conversations between people doing bizarre strolls through hallways.Home
Colorful aliens take over earth, parking the humans in Australia. But one off them makes friends with a human....
RockmeNow
24-07-2015
Just another animated movie
An occasional smile during this okay movie, which is based on a rather unclear storyline. The 3d version does not seem to add much to the overall experience...Wittenberg
15-04-2015
A warm and and kind movie, but stumbles over itself most of the time
The aliens lack the looks and cuteness to really shine, and the story is incredibly restless and rushed, especially the first half. Halfway through, when we finally get who is who and what's going on, we find a good and creative heart in this movie.47 Ronin
A bunch of samurai revenging their master
Wittenberg
28-09-2014
Classic Samurai tale, but not as exciting as it could be
Loaded with beautiful and colorful Japanese scenery, folklore and tradition. Should satisfy Samurai enthusiasts. I wasn't really sucked in though, perhaps because there's no clear character to focus on.RockmeNow
06-05-2014
Even one hundred samurai could not have saved this movie
Mythical Japanese story presented as cinematic fairytale with overly dramatic and generally unconvincing acting. Every now and then some nice special effects to keep the bored viewer slightly entertained....Michiel de Ruyter
The life of Michiel de Ruyter, portrayed in 151 minutes
Wittenberg
03-04-2016
Too presumptuous for it's own good
I can appreciate the detailed depiction of this era and it's sea battles, but this movie insists it is a 'real' pro movie with an overload of cliche movie tricks like slow-motion, too much pretentious music and lord knows how many sub-bass boom sounds - sometimes for no reason at all.RockmeNow
24-07-2015
A mixture of overly dramatic cheap cinematic tricks and shallow acting
Highlights of the movie are the battles at sea, which are rather convincing. Perhaps also somewhat interesting in terms of historical information about this legendary dutch admiral, or for people familiar with the locations this movie was filmed ( I recently visited Vlissingen myself).The Da Vinci Code
Historian gets involved in relic hunt and cat and mouse game involving dark religious groups trying to cover up our past
RockmeNow
30-12-2014
I liked the book slightly more
Shallow movie with un unconvincing chain of events and rather lame acting. Some nice cinematic shots every now and then, but not enough to keep a serious critic like myself happy ;)Wittenberg
30-12-2014
Too far fetched
Some might enjoy this modern puzzle into ancient symbols, but I found it hard to buy into the endless array of plot conveniences and over smart people constantly being at the right time and place to solve the next far fetched piece of the over elaborate puzzle.Rambo Last Blood
Retired in Texas, Rambo must come back into action once more when bad stuff happens to his stepdaugther
Wittenberg
15-10-2019
Not the right rambo movie for me
I can see what they were going for, but this didn't feel quite right to me. I need him to be in the jungle operating big guns - not walking through nightclubs and brothels. The final showdown was uninspired and disappointing too, as everyone simply walked into the traps and that was that.The Colony
Members of a colony, trying to survive in a frozen world, respond to an SOS signal from a nearby colony. But what they find...
Wittenberg
25-01-2014
Frozen B-movie
The dark alley scenes: fine. The outside snowworld: even better. But the uninspired badguys and cat and mouse action is just plain mediocre. Then it secures its B-status by having desolate survivors with full make-up on, and Rammstein rockmusic during fight scenes.May December
An actress parts up closely with the woman she is going to portay in her next movie, and with her secrets
Wittenberg
26-01-2024
Great acting and built-up leading to nothing
A movie filled with a solid cast that are a pleasure to watch, and a story that has the sensation of slowly building up to a climax of some sort. But I don't think it did. Instead it left me with a feeling of being cheated, and wondering what I had been watching.Orbita 9
Woman on a long solo space mission gets a visit from a mechanic, after which she learns the true nature of her mission
Wittenberg
08-08-2021
Nice scifi with a twist. One twist - early on.
With a plotline that it's impossible to describe accurately without ruining it, this is a pleasant scifi done just fine. It's just that, after the big twist it's, sort of de-energizes a few notches. When the big reveal is almost at the beginning, it's harder to keep us hooked.Paradise
In a future where people can sell years of their live for money, allowing the rich to get younger, a couple gets caught in a web
Wittenberg
28-04-2024
A fair but plain future crime story
A fine futuristic crime story providing adequate friday-evening entertainment. I did find everything was a bit plain, lacking energy or a really tight script. It needs a better, less generic title too.The Liberator
A squad comprised out of people from very different backgrounds fighting in the second World War.
Wittenberg
21-03-2021
Looks unqiue, but it's not quite there
The half-drawing, half real-life filter make it look unique, and is a great idea for making epic scenes on a lower budget. The action scenes were good, but the dialogue not so much, and it frequently does emotional and sensitive dives which I found a bit forced and cliched.Swiss Army Man
A lost and stranded guy finds a corpse on the beach, who's 'special powers' and friendship help him to make the journey home
Wittenberg
13-08-2017
Just because it's unique doens't mean I like farts
I guess there's points for originality and it sort of works in it's own special way, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being pranked into watching someone's bizarre fart joke fantasies.Asteroid City
A small desert town with wandering souls gets a visit from space
Wittenberg
16-07-2023
Objectively great, subjectively empty
I'd be happy to applaud the artistic value, the conspicuous characters, the fantastic colors and the bold cinematography. But ultimately, I could not process it. I could only stare at it, telling myself to enjoy it's objective quality and audacity, yet feeling quite uninvolved and untouched.High Life
Survivor on a spaceship tries to take care of a babygirl. Slowly we learn what preceded this situation, and what comes after.
Wittenberg
19-04-2022
ok as a slowburning, artistic scifi, but hardy delivers a payoff
The decor hardly reminded me of a spaceship, but I presume the creators thought this was irrelevant to the sophisticated story they wanted to tell. And while I was interested and enjoyed this 'alternative' scifi, it was also arrogantly slow and even the word pretentious came to mind.Maze Runner
Not knowing why, a guy wakes up in between fellow victims - all surrounded by a giant maze with monsters in it
Wittenberg
11-07-2015
Improves with age
Upon first viewing I was annoyed by unnecessary vague way everyone talks and the focus on their petty problems instead of the maze itself. And while these problems are real, upon second viewing the core adventure - with some mystery, action and horror - became more evident and enjoyable.Peppermint
When her husband and daughter are buraly murderedand the villains walk free, she seeks revenge on ther own
Wittenberg
03-03-2019
Exchanging the sexes isn't enough
This really is the Punisher but with a female lead and lacking a dark costume. While this may give us an entertaining action revenge flick, it was too familiar, I was annoyed by the army of stereotype badguys and lead character's deep hatred inside (I assume there was) didn't quite come out.The Zero Theorem
Man, already borderline, is asked to tackle an unsane equation on a computer
Wittenberg
03-10-2014
Original and artistically sound, but lacks involvement
The colorful, bubbly and mad future scenery is highly artistic, but also makes it difficult to really pull you in. It won't rise above being a pleasant curiosity, because you can't see any of these people or events happen in real life.Split
Three girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple identities
Wittenberg
28-05-2017
Multiple Personality Disorder annoys me more than it scares me
Frankly, I was somewhat bored and agitated by the multiple identities, especially the laughable behavior of the supposed 9 year old. Apart from the identities there's wasn't much in there, nor did I find it very particularly scary. It's okay, but underwhelming.Maggie
Father gets to take care at home of his daugther, in her last few days before turning into a zombie
Wittenberg
26-06-2016
Sympathetic but hollow
I liked the idea of focusing on just one case amidst a global zombie mayhem, and Schwarzenegger is probably at his best ever. Ultimately though, I thought there was a lack of substance and depth, and the pretty shots starting feeling as a coverup for a slightly empty shell.Snatched
When noone's left to join a womans non-refundable trip to Ecuador, all that's left is her mother.
Wittenberg
01-04-2018
Fine, could have done with more Amy mayhem
I like Amy Schumer, and she lifts this one above the overpopulated 'amusing comedy with a few laugh out loud moments' - but not by much. Almost as though she held back a bit.Play Dead
A girl fakes death to get into a morgue, where she needs to retrieve evidence against her brother. But there is unsuspected danger inside.
Wittenberg
11-11-2023
Maybe too long and too unlikely, but still a thrilling ride
The premise and story are far-fetched, and I thought the acting lacked finesse. But this still manages to roll out quite an exciting, pretty tense thriller/horror for the most part. Unfortunately it drags on for too long, becomes tiring and even more implausible. Still, enjoyable stuff.1899
A ship with migrants find another ship that went missing, and it all gets stranger and stranger from there
Wittenberg
28-12-2022
A potential gem plagued by avoidable problems
This almost is a successful, super mysterious puzzler with an intense atmosphere, but I found it was let down too much by one-trick pony characters that become parodies of themselves, infuriatingly ineffective communication and strange decisions and logic throughout. The events even felt improvised.Captain Harlock: Space Pirate
In a spacewar for access to earth, a man inflatres a space pirate's ship to bring him down. Gradually, he starts to doubt where the real evil lies
Wittenberg
13-05-2016
Just enjoy the pretty graphics
Some stunning and quite unique 3d designs can't make up for the usual overacted, over dramatic way everyone behaves. And a pirate ship that is literally indestructible isn't really helping to make the otherwise vivid combat scenes exciting.Area 51
Armed with camera's , some teens attempt to sneak in area 51 and catch a glimps of what's in there
Wittenberg
13-08-2015
Great idea doesn't quite deliver
A clever idea that could have yielded some scary footage. Unfortunately, the teens in question are bit bland and unsympathetic, their efforts for this stunt are a bit over the top, and once inside it's a bit too messy and rushed to deliver true scares. Should have been toned down a little.What Happened to Monday?
In a fascist single-child society, septuplet sisters have found a way to cheat the system. But for how long?
Wittenberg
12-05-2019
Gimmicky
While original and somewhat amusing, I found it mostly gimmicky. The sisters are simplified and overacted stereotypes like the 'tough sporty jog', the 'posh' and 'smart computer nerd' (with glasses, a cap and long sleeves of course!) but without emotional connection to any of them.Megamind
Two rival aliens crashland on earth. Since one of them seems predestined to be the hero, the other one reluctantly sets out te be the evil villain
Wittenberg
01-11-2015
Ok humor space adventure
A reasonable adventure with a few good laughs, but overal it sort of lacked the spark is paced a bit too slow.The Consecration
A woman travels to a monastry to investigate the mysterious death of her brother
Wittenberg
01-05-2023
Lacked impact, but ended well
The ending and big reveal near the end are pretty good, but the movie really has trouble getting there. It was a bit unlikely, flat and lifeless, and failed to harvest the creepiness of monasteries and it's rituals. She didn't even react to those nuns lying on the floor, for crying out loud!The Kill Team
A soldier situated in Afghanistan comes into conflict with himself and his squad when they appear do unprovoked assassinations.
Wittenberg
31-12-2021
Wish I felt it more, but adept
I am not sure how realistic this was, and found the sergeant a little too wacky to be credible. But overall the story kept my attention and did a reasonable at depicting the dilemma of loyalty versus morals - although I do think they could have hit harder.Troll
A paleontologist (?) works with the government to prevent an accidentally awoken troll to thrash Oslo.
Wittenberg
06-12-2022
Only the monster is unique
Trolls are nice monsters for a change, and I somehow expected this to have a Nordic class of restraint, mysticism and folklore. Instead, they went with a full-on Hollywood blockbuster monster-movie vibe, with all the tired cliches and annoyances that come with it. Like you've already seen it.Doors
Four individual stories that take place on earth where mysterious a substance known as doors make people dissappear
Wittenberg
17-07-2021
Pleasantly weird (but not great)
The overall experience isn't great. It lacks emotional involvement or a clear story a character to hang on to. Like the makers didn't quite understand it either. But there's something sympathetic about it. I like the effects, and it is kind of pleasantly weird, doing it's own thing in a ballsy way.Oculus
Brother and sister try to get even with a mysticial mirror that causes supernatural drama and terror in their childhood
Wittenberg
21-09-2014
Some scares, a lot of annoyances
They sure know how to do good scares, and there's some nice ideas for the story framework as well. But the present-past alternations gets tiresome quickly, and I was totally put off by the analytical, cold and utterly unconvincing attitude and going-about of the (present day) sister.The Wolverine
Wolverine visits an dying admirer in Japan, but gets caught up in evil plans (and ninja's)
Wittenberg
01-12-2013
Grumpiness in Japan
It's not bad, but it is let down by too many slow scenes, a constantly grumpy staring Wolverine (yes we get it, he is a lonesome tormented hero!) and a story that feels like you have seen it many times before.Transcendence
The soul of a murdered AI scientist is transfered into the system. Will he play nice?
Wittenberg
21-12-2014
Underwhelmed
This subject is right up my alley, but this movie is not. The conversations are a bit gibberish, the science lazy, the action misplaced.Downsizing
Couple decides to shrink and live in a world or other shrunk people, in pursuit of happiness and for sustainability of earth
Wittenberg
22-12-2019
Disappointing second half
Up until they are shrunk, this is set up really nicely, putting in effort to make this idea work and making me eager to find out what's next. But then the story takes a u-turn with a slightly whiny, society critical theme, a horribly overacting Vietnamese, all making the smallness sort of pointless.Movies found: 1043 | max movies per page: 100 | Showing: 206 - 305
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