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The Last Voyage of the Demeter

A ship transports a doomed cargo from Transalvania to London.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-09-2023
6

Lacks inpsiration or surprises

Everything is there for a genuinely creepy experience: A mysterious monster, a squeaky wooden ship and gloomy dark seas. Yet I wasn't scared by it, perhaps even a little indifferent. There's something too modern about the style, and a lack of surprises or connection with the characters.
6

The Titan

On a diminishing earth, some humans are experimentally transformed so they can live on the moon Titan

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-08-2018
6

Experiment failed

It started okay-ish with a potentially interesting story and decent actors, but it is let down by a slow pace causing my attention to wander off several times, and then the story falls apart as it becomes incomprehensible and weird.
6

Planes

Planes flying around in the world of Cars (1)
average 6.0

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-04-2014
6.5

What it needs to be

Not much in the way of originality, but adept at telling an effective, colorful and easy to follow story for the target audience.
6.5

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
29-11-2013
5.5

Planes flying around, that's about it

Ok, so it looks like the world of Cars (1), but with planes in it, which could be entertaining. But actually it is not, since they forgot to write a decent story. Too bad...
5.5

Captive State

An underground network of rebels fight back against alien occupation

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-08-2019
6

Average

Apart from a few tasty scenes, the scifi level is very low and they might as well have been fighting human oppressors. I found it hard to follow what everyone was doing and what the plan was, and the red dust from the poster is not in this movie AT ALL. Quite average.
6

Revolt

During a robot invasion, a commando suffering from memory loss teams up up with a woman in trying to survive

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-10-2018
6

Compotent but underwhelming

I couldn't quite wrap my head around why I was so underwhelmed by this. Action, FX and story seem ok and I like how it was situated in Africa for a change. I fear the bland, slightly uninteresting main characters might have something to do with it.
6

The 9th Company

Russian soldiers get trained for a mission in Afghanistan

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-10-2016
6

I think I was supposed to hate the other guys

I'm sorry, was I supposed to care about these obnoxious, loud, misbehaven, ugly, drinking, gang raping soldiers? Once the stage moves to Afghanistan the movie gets better, but not enough to make up for it.
6

Harbinger Down

Crab fishing boat picks up a space derelict from the ice, after which something otherwordly preys upon the crew

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-10-2019
6

Bearable for sci-fi horror enthusiasts

Acting is mostly bad. Dialogue strange and clunky. Monster makes inappropriate animal growls. And plenty of bad stuff besides. But still, the concept of something mysterious happening on a dark, desolate ship in the arctic is still enough to make this worthwhile, and some of it is quite okay.
6

Glass

A researcher investigates the credibility and actual superpowers of the superhero's from Unbreakable and Split

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
17-08-2019
6

Ultimately a failed attempt to prolong this

The story provides a potentially clever reason to bring these people together and add a twist to the story, but mostly it feels like everybody was dragged in front of the camera again, the "research" was laughable and I still hate MPD - it is so embarrassing to look at, not scary at all.
6

The Witcher season 2

The witcher is training the princess he protects, but her powers become more and more concerning

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-01-2022
6

It's now soap

I still like the Witcher atmosphere, and sure there are some memorable moments to be found. But mostly I found season 2 remarkably tedious and empty. The main culprit is the oddly soapy style of storytelling, with endless conversations between people doing bizarre strolls through hallways.
6

Khanzab

A girl tries to solve the mystery of her father's violent death, and black magic curse surrounding her family

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-10-2023
6

Good scares for some scenes, but not an entire movie

I was looking forward to experiencing the Indonesian take on horror. There are some moods and scenes that are quite intense, but they repeated until they loose their effectiveness. The story gets quite messy and the spirits pop in like puppets a haunted house at the fair.
6

Couples Retreat

Couples agree to go to a discounted paradise vacation, not realizing relationship therapy is part of the package

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-02-2016
6

Predictably average

Besides a colorful tropical scenery and a couple of laughs, this one has only average and mostly predictable jokes and the inevitable moral ending to offer.
6

Outside the Wire

After neglecting an order, a drone pilot is send to join a mysterious supersoldier on a dangerous quest

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-01-2021
6

Tries to be something it's not

With military action and gun-toting robots, this ought to has been my thing. But I was quiet disappointed. Mostly because they talk tough and say deep things, but it all falls completely flat. It's just trying too hard to be cool and relevant without following up on it.
6

Hippopotamus

With no memory, a girl awakens in a room with a man telling her she can't leave until she loves him

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-12-2023
6

A fair puzzler missing class

Nothing wrong with these low budget movies in a single location, where you'll grow eager to find out how it all came to be. The story is also reasonably well thought out and offers some layers near the end. But I found both the actors and direction missing intensity and depth.
6

6 Underground

Group of very cool hitman people aim to set free a country from an evil dictator

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-04-2020
6

Failed experiment

I was in for it; could an overload of non-stop Micheal Bay signature crap eventually transform into a trance-like satisfying experience? We'll never know, because even he couldn't keep up the initial pace, and let this slide off to a more generic and only somewhat amusing actionflick.
6

Lazer Team

A spacesuit that was sent to earth to protect us from bad aliens, falls in the hands nobodies. Now it's up to them to save earth.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-08-2016
6

Fun concept exectued unremarkably

Sort of cozy and sympathetic, but most jokes fall flat and it has a very generic feeling about, like you have already seen it.
6

Man of Tai Chi

In order to help his master and temple, a Tai Chi expert is forced to use this soft style in a hard way in illegal underground fights

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-05-2014
6

Dozing off during bare-handed fights to the death.... weird

Who knows: these could be some of the most complicated and extraordinary fighting scenes ever. But it is all remarkably boring, because of the unoriginal story and lack of any tension. Keanu portays one of the most dull one-trick pony villains ever.
6

Wounds

Bartender finds distrubing images on a telephone left by a customer, starts seeing bugs and is chosen for a mysterious cult ritual

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-09-2020
6

Mixed feelings

When slow burning is done wrong, it is just slow. Near the middle it manages to spark some interest, only to loose it again because the writers couldn't figure out how to tie the story elements together. It's pretty ok though, mainly because the performances and created amtosphere.
6

Iron Man 3

Iron man takes on a terrorist

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-10-2013
6

Iron mess

Mindblowing events and technology, yet noone seems to give a damn. So neither did I. A mess of rushed storytelling, boredom, an unlikable hero, noise and so much Iron man suits that I stopped caring about any of them. Suicide by abundance.
6

Zombie Lake

Small town is terrorized by zombies in a lake, eating mostly nude females

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-11-2021
6

Be ready for the worst and have a good time

Full of technical errors, non-existent effects, dodgy acting, among many other problems. Successful as campy nonsense though, with a plenty of unnecessary nudity. And that one zombie who starts to feel empathy is not something you see everyday.
6

Zoolander 2

Derek has retreated and gone out of fashion, but must come back into action to save his son

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-12-2016
6

Not up to their potential

I dig the whacky Zoolander world and humor, but unfortunately this story was too formulaic and good jokes too scarce.
6

Extraterrestial

Adolescents camping in the woods find themselves amongst aliens

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-09-2015
6

Manages to be ok

It's the same old adolescents , going to the same old cabin in the woods with the same old aliens. But there's a couple of scenes, moments and even performances in here that keep this movie in the green.
6

The Golem

A woman tries to defend a secluded Jewish community by summoning a creature from the soil

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-07-2019
6

Great setting, but second half is too directionless

It lays down a really good mood with the sober, deeply religious and ritualized community. But it feels like they forgot to think through what would happen once the Golem is there, so it starts to feel loose and deflates. The music, while good, was too eager and didn't really fit well.
6

The Accountant

Autistic man has a special talent for accounting, and appearantly for some darker activities as well

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-01-2019
6

Too far-fetched

This didn't really connect with me. The story is way too far-fetched, made-up and over the top to be taken seriously, and it dwells in the tiresome notion that autistic people must have superpowers.
6

Zathura

Jumanji in space

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-04-2021
6

Lacking that extra something

This may appeal to a younger audience, but overall I felt it wasn't quite there. Actors are a bit lifeless, jokes fall flat, scenes drag on for too long. It's fine, but missing the spark, magic, wit or funfactor to make it appeal to a broader audience.
6

Star Trek Beyond

A brute force enemy causes the Enterprise to crashland. The survivors must find away to release the hostages and prevent further mayhem

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-04-2017
6

Awkward and off

The scenes of destruction are mighty, but overall this really felt off. They totally overdid the constant humor which started to feel like slapstick. The story and events also felt awkward and cheesy like the original series, with embarrassing scenes like driving around a motorbike to divert aliens
6

Deadpool 2

Deadpool looses his wife and wants to protect some kid

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-10-2019
6

Lacks substance, just gags

The cynical nature of Deadpool and the kitsch, over-elaborate fighting scenes are the real aces of this movie, but after a while it gets exhausting and overdone, and with only a rather vague and messy story to fall back on I found myself strangely bored for the amount of stuff that goes on.
6

The Free Fall

After a suicide attempt a woman recovers under the care of her husband. But the doens't remember him, or her attempt....

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-01-2024
6

Ideas were there, movie making skills were not

Near the end of this movie, it features some pretty interesting plot twists and scenery, suggesting that some creative minds were involved. But it contrasts starkly with the rest of the film, which feels very artificial and poorly made, like a cheap TV movie.
6

Terminator: Genisys

The original timeline seen from the future perspective - until things start to change....

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-07-2015
6

Full of letdowns.. just barely makes it to 'entertaining'

Kyle is now a miscasted dork. Sarah is now omnipotent and omniscient so all excitement is gone. The terminators scenes feel like a 'best of' rehash of earlier movies. It has an unrealistic and strange sterile look to it. The time travel has become a caricaturisation. Arnold was funny though.
6

Phantom

Russian sub must carry a mysterious crew and device along on a mission

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-03-2014
6

Good intentions drowned in mistakes

Some fine actors and submarine drills can't compensate for a miscasted Duchovny and slow and insecure script. Most exciting scenes are destroyed when, in the heat of a moment, Duchovny asks "what are you doing now", and the captain actually pauses his command and starts to explain!!!!
6

Prey

Some guys just about to finish a hike through the woods, are hunted down by someone with rifle

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-09-2021
6

Needed more

The scenery is pretty, and the plain, no-nonsense execution gives it some purity. But it's hard to connect with the characters who are also having irrelevant work-related quarrels, and the plot is really a very thin succession of shot-flee-argue over and over. It misses some sort of twist or payoff.
6

The Hangover III

The wolfpack gets involved in crazy mafia adventures yet again, but this time they're sober

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-02-2016
6

I felt cheated

The 'what the hell happened last night' joke may have been running out of fuel. But as I watched the half-baked comedy that remained without it, I couldn't help but feel cheated.
6

Game Over, Man

Three stoned failure teenagers work as housekeepers in a hotel when it gets sieged. Will they save the day

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-01-2021
6

Mostly a bad taste teenager flick

For some reason I thought this would rise above standard teenage, bad-taste material through better jokes, better humor and plenty of gore to spice things up. But it hardly does so, it really is mostly bad taste teenager flick with perhaps a handful of laugh out moments.
6

Yakamoz S-245

A group of marine scientists escapes global extinction due to a solarburst, and have to work together with the crew of a military sub to find a new home

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-10-2022
6

Loaded with problems, but there's something in there

This series was packed with a lot of problems: one dimensional characters, stalling forever, bizarre behavior and dialogues, and weird decisions throughout - to name but a few. But somehow, the fab color pallet, the music, some scenes and the interesting premise manage to keep it afloat.
6

Space Sweepers

Space scavengers find a girl that is also bomb, which marks the beginning of a wild ride

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
18-04-2021
6

Could have been fresh, but gave a headache instead

While I like the designs, FX and fresh vibe, I found it hard to get into the restless and erratic style of the movie, and didn't attach to any of the cartoonish, one-dimensional characters.
6

The Wandering Earth

Earth is equiped with huge thrusters to fly it to a new habitable galaxy, but the journey knows many dangers

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-05-2019
6

The Chinese are starting to copy the wrong things

I can appreciate huge production values as well as the story, but the execution is chaotic, at times incomprehensible and sadly felt like the Chinese are now emulating the wrong Hollywood kitsch and cliches. It felt like a Chinese Armageddon clone.
6

Neighbors

Young couple with a baby has a fraternity move in next door. The war begins

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-03-2015
6

Watching people having fun wasn't much fun

The lead actors put in a lot of energy and effort into it, but cannot save this mediocre comedy with a shortage of good jokes. The endless fraternity partying and self-contempted mayhem was rather exhausting to me.
6

Babylon

The ups and downs of two actors in the days of the early Hollywood industry

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-01-2024
6

A loud movie about a world and people that only exist in movies

I probably should write something like "A daring expose of the decadence and ruthlessness of the inner workings of Hollywood", but frankly I found this a rather loud, unpleasantly over the top movie, with unlikable, unrelatable and exaggerated characters. Pretentious and Oscar hungry.
6

Replicas

When a memory transfer scientist looses his entire family in a car crash, he attempts to get them back by cloning them, including their mind

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
11-08-2019
6

Mostly a missed opportunity

It's a good idea but never really takes off. Everyone seems disconnected and indifferent about what's going on, it lacks the eerie or fascinating ambience I would expect with a story like this, and it has got one of those annoying air computer interfaces, operated by ridiculous hand movements.
6

Curvature

A timemachine forces a woman to stop her other self, who has already used it, from committing a murder

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-01-2019
6

Too flawed to make the story come alive

I am a sucker for awesome stories like these, that have the deep low synth tones as a soundtrack, like this one, even if they are made with limited resources... like this one. But it is very minimal indeed, with slow pacing and unconvincing acting, making me bored rather than intrigued.
6

Seventh Son

In medieval times, a ghost hunter requires the help of a seventh son (of a seventh son) in order to defeat an escaped witch with evil plans.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-01-2016
6

It's missing factor X

It's all here; bold adventure, dazzling fantasy, witches, dragons, romance, fine effects and music, and amusing performances. But somehow it is all a bit flat, fails to excite or take you along for the ride. Maybe it's exactly this mandatory fantasy mixture that makes it feel formulaic.
6

Occhi Chiusi

A woman is living isolated in the mountains with her daughter, and things get weird. Or something.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-02-2024
6

Not only hard to see, also hard to grasp

With dark and often very closed-up imagery, and depressing and slow flow, it certainly has a ominous and unsettling vibe to it. But I found the story too unclear and vague to make much of it. I am not sure what it was about, and that's not always a good thing.
6

V/H/S 2

Here's more bloody horror stories caught on tape

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-03-2018
6

lacks inspiration

It sticks with the formula and delivers a healthy dose of blood and horror, but this time it felt less inspired and original. Some scenes started dwelling and had me going: get on with it! Also, the alien story was out of place and out of touch.
6

Romina

Girl takes horrific revenge on Spanish campers after two of them rape her

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-07-2018
6

Spoils itself

The Spanish vibe was a nice change from American teens, and they deliver authentic streams of non-stop chit-chat about nothing. This movie begins by showing how they will end butchered, so after a while I just started waiting for it to happen, getting bored of the cinematic tricks along the way.
6

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

The Transylvanian monsters go on a cruise, but they are not free from danger

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
10-08-2019
6

Hit and miss. Loads of them.

I am beginning to see that the manic rate of good and bad jokes per minute is a trademark of this franchise, rather than perhaps a way to camouflage the lack of really good ideas. So it's non-stop hit and miss, but ultimately quite forgettable. Except maybe the fish. And the puppy.
6

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

The chipmunks fear that their dad's love interest might lead him to abandon them, so they set out to sabotage the engagement.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-03-2016
6

Ok for kids. An endurancetest for adults.

Sure, it's an uncomplicated fun adventure, kids will get some fun out of it, and let's not forget the effects blending so seamlessly we don't even notice them anymore. But a kids movie equally suitable for adults, this is not.
6

Trench 11

Near the end of WWI, a group of soldiers investigates an abandoned German underground complex to find out what they did in there

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
26-01-2019
6

A bit underwhelming

The premise sets up a decent mysterious and scary atmosphere, but after a lot of flashlights in endless, similar looking dark hallways and disappointing bad guys, the thing runs out of fuel and fails to reap the claustrophobic possibilities.
6

Sharknado

A storm brings hungry sharks way inland, especially those in the tornado!

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-03-2014
6

Succesfully bad

With a story like that, this movie needed to be bad. And it succeeded effortlessly, with an helpless actors, abysmal effects, bad editing and incoherent lighting in every scene. So if you are INTO that sort of thing, you could be sort of entertained. If not, like a said: it really is bad.
6

Spectral

Through their special visors, soldiers start to see ghostly figures that start coming after them

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-06-2017
6

Decent ingredients but no cake

This started off ok with decent looks and characters, and initially it served the mysterious premise nice and easy. But as it progresses, there's not much more than chases and shootouts that feel distant and never truly excite. Also, the all-knowing McGuyver scientist was getting on my nerves.
6

Bloodshot

Soldier and his wife are killed, but he is revived with superpowers so he gets to take revenge

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-01-2021
6

Lacks characters to make it work

With a few layers and twists on offer, the story is more interesting than I feared it would be, and I counted two pretty decent action scenes. But the one dimensional characters, of whom none is really likable, and the borderline B_movie vibe, make it hard to care about any of it.
6

Deathgasm

Outcasted and bored metalheads play a song that summons evil

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-06-2022
6

Go harder

I liked the idea of making the foul subjects of metal come alive, but unfortunately this movie offers only some lukewarm gags and horrors. And despite all the effort, there still is something unmetal about it - like they didn't dare to venture into the actual macabre subjects of some of these bands.
6

There's Something Wrong With the Children

Two befriended couples on vacation visit a mysterious building, after which their children start to act weird

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-03-2023
6

Not intense or scary enough

The story has plenty of potential, but it's one of those movies that just won't get scary without an obvious reasons why. I am guessing it's that kids that are more annoying than scary, and an atmosphere that makes it feel like an episode in a series - with limited budget and inspiration.
6

Teenage Mutant Turtle Ninjas

When a badguy attempts to poisson the city, the turtles must finally come out in the open and defend the city

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-12-2014
6

An unnecessary movie with no audience

If the idiotic concept of TNMT will ever make any sense, it is in a vivid, wacky animated environment. In a real life movie it didn't really work, the story and pacing were bland and the turtles extremely uncomfortable to look at.
6

Sausage Party

Adult animation about groceries in a supermarket that find out what happens to them when they are chosen

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-10-2017
6

Funny idea with too little good jokes

I was thinking we need more animation with adult humor and themes, but unfortunately this is not quite it. The story is whack, but it simply lacks good material and jokes. It almost seems odd how one can think of a story like this and then make it not funny.
6

Johnny English Strikes Again

A superhacker has exposed al secret agents, leaving the Secret Service no choice but Johnny English to turn to

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2018
6

Funny but lazy

I guess it would be unfair too call it formulaic, since this franchise IS a formula. But while I had a good time and some laughs, I couldn't help but feel it is slightly easy and lazy.
6

The Tomorrow War

People are send to the future to help fight a loosing war against an alien invasion

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
04-07-2021
6

Forgettable and hardly interesting

While the time traveling does add something to the alien invasion genre, most of this felt quite cliched and tired. It's one of those movies seems to think it doesn't have to be exciting, involving, innovative or believable because it's just a blockbuster with a lot of money. Wrong.
6

Avengers: Age of Ultron

The Avengers are being attacked by a malicious computer intelligence as well as evil twins

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-10-2015
6

Dull and utterly soulless comic mayhem

Eye-candy it may be, but my god this is flat as a pancake. I cared for no one, as none of the characters was scared of anything as they chatted their way through tiresome and over the top nonsense battles.
6

3022

The crew of a remote space station is faced with tough choices when disaster strikes... back on earth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
27-02-2021
6

Just made it

It's definitely one of those movies where, due to a lack of resources, people walk and talk endlessly in a handful of sets. So it can be plain and sluggish. But I have to say the actors, music and story are not too bad and manage to lift this movie into the realm of ok.
6

The Shadow Effect

Guy keeps dreaming he's doing violent assisinations... but are they dreams?

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-11-2017
6

Only just above B level

It's a decent idea and the main actors do their best, but the movie is just not there. Some of the scenes and acting are awkward, editing is clunky, and chasing scenes were missing out on tension.
6

Hipersomnia

While rehearsing for a play, an actress gets mixed up in a horrible alternate reality in a brothel from hell

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-11-2019
6

Should have been better

Potentially a mind bending horror story, it feels like the creators just didn't have what it takes. It feels a bit amateuristic and improvised. near the end it derails further, with out of control horror music blasting over a just average finale.
6

The Amazing Spider-Man

Man gets spiderpowers and saves the world from lizardman

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-02-2013
6

Pretty whatever for someone amazing

Making wisecrack remarks while flying through the air during a live threatening battle - kind or ruined things for me. Lizardman not scary either.
6

12 Strong

Soon after 9-11, a special forces team is sent to Afghanistan to assist a local tribe with fighting the Taliban

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-07-2020
6

Unbelievable

If it's based on a true story, I found it suspicious how the Taliban kept running into the line of fire, were unable to hit anything and how the Americans made perfect shots from galloping horses they never rode before. The quasi deep lectures from the tribe leader also annoyed me.
6

Infinitum: Subject Unknown

In a sort of experiment, a woman must escape from a house during which she interacts with parallel escape attempts from herself in other dimensions

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-07-2021
6

Quite plain considering the subject

I think the misleading poster artwork is what they actually had in mind: a mind-bending puzzler about realities intertwined through dimension. It contrasts starkly with the very plain and and basic execution in which someone tries to escape a house and the dimension thing hardly takes of.
6

Higher Power

A nobody is used exprimentally to perfoms hitjobs, but gradually his altered capabilites make him godlike... for good reason

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
07-11-2020
6

subpar until it ends

A strange and disjointed affair that feels directionless and amateuristic. I was about to smack it down, only to find it ending in really stylish special effects, gorgeous colors and mesmerizing scenery. Not nearly enough to save it, but what a turn of events!
6

Heavy Metal

Several story's connected by a green power-mongering sphere that brings out the worst in our wold.. and others

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-03-2020
6

Not aged well

Sure, there is some stuff to like, but most of the appeal starts to rest on being a 'cult classic ' rather than on actually being great. I suspect it's relevance at the time has since been far surpassed by Manga.
6

Hitman: Agent 47

Evil coorporation plans to revive a program for superhuman killers, but they have to deal with an earlier 'model' of superagent trying to stop them.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-08-2016
6

Some cool action served in a tired Hollywood sauce

I sort of get the cool and stylish action scenes in here, but it is hard to enjoy them given the the over the top coincidental story and one-dimensional people speaking Hollywood gibberish, like "Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to take things apart"
6

Errementari

Misunderstood and isolated, a blacksmith is keeping a hellish demon in captivity when a little girl enters his property

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-10-2018
6

Too much like a musical

The style and dialogues are very overdone and overacted. This may give the movie a unique, almost musical play vibe to it, but it also means that is a bit dopey at times and not really scary either. I liked the Dante-proof scenes of hell near the end though.
6

Noise

When a man start looking into his father's life and the factory he worked in, he becomes more insane as more secrets emerge

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
22-03-2023
6

ok but lots of loose ends

Although we liked this movie, with it's relaxed but pleasantly mysterious atmosphere and decent characters, it felt badly insecure about the story it wanted to tell. Was it about the factory? The father? The mother? Was noise really so much of an theme to warrant the title? Hmmm.
6

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Out of place cowboy is dumped by his true love, but gets unexpected help to win her back

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
01-03-2015
6

Why the story?

Come on people! Why didn't they just parody the hell out of western movies in true McFarlane style? An ineffective mix of some brutal and bold humor drowned in an uninteresting and righteous love story.
6

Exists

Them kids in a cabin in the woods are terrorized my Bigfoot. All caught with found footage.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
16-04-2016
6

Average, quite unoriginal stuff

The more we get to see this creature, the less scary it becomes. And for Christs sake, does it always have to be teenage stoners who experience this stuff? And they brought how many camera's? Sit with the other average found footage horror movies please.
6

Encanto

All members of a family living a magic house receive special magic talent, except one

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-12-2021
6

Objectively great, subjectively exhausting

With whopping graphics, a tasty Colombian vibe, sparkling colors and scenery, and wholesome life lessons, objectively it is a marvel. But it is trying too hard - too much hysteric humor, constantly restless and hectic, and too much loud songs. The few simple dialogue scenes form oases of serenity.
6

This is the End

Film actors at a party find themselves amidst judgement day... and saviour of the righteous only

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
23-06-2015
6

Mostly self absorbed

The idea of the actors playing more or less themselves in a bizarre situation like this is kind of nice. But for the most part, the look-at-how-funny-we-are is tiresome instead.
6

Let Her Out

Something's growing inside of a woman... and it starts to take over

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
25-02-2019
6

Doesn't do itself justice

The basic idea is quite good and could potentially have resulted in a very intense, physiological and emotional horror. But alas, despite a reasonable beginning, I found the actors weren't up to it and the movie has mostly some plain and borrowed jump scares to offer.
6

Blackhat

In order to combat cyber assaults on a powerplant and the stockmarket, the FBI calls in the help of an incarcerated superhacker

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
02-08-2016
6

Nicely shot nonsense

It looks and sounds slick, but it is ruined by a lazy, romanticized and dumped-down Hollywood view of 'hacking' and a miscasted pretty boy as a hacker. Also, the hacker apparently was allowed to engage in FBI activities like shooting, fighting and pursuit. Preposterous.
6

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan is forced to come into action when young princess Leia is abducted by the Empire

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-08-2022
6

A rather tired bulge of more Starwars

It's always nice to have another fix of Starwars, but frankly it is getting increasingly harder to get high from it. This series was low-energy and somehow has no impact on the saga. There are also some poorly choreographed action scenes that may have worked in the 70's, but look ridiculous today.
6

Home

Colorful aliens take over earth, parking the humans in Australia. But one off them makes friends with a human....
average 6.2

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015
6

Just another animated movie

An occasional smile during this okay movie, which is based on a rather unclear storyline. The 3d version does not seem to add much to the overall experience...
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-04-2015
6.5

A warm and and kind movie, but stumbles over itself most of the time

The aliens lack the looks and cuteness to really shine, and the story is incredibly restless and rushed, especially the first half. Halfway through, when we finally get who is who and what's going on, we find a good and creative heart in this movie.
6.5

Michiel de Ruyter

The life of Michiel de Ruyter, portrayed in 151 minutes
average 6.2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-04-2016
6.5

Too presumptuous for it's own good

I can appreciate the detailed depiction of this era and it's sea battles, but this movie insists it is a 'real' pro movie with an overload of cliche movie tricks like slow-motion, too much pretentious music and lord knows how many sub-bass boom sounds - sometimes for no reason at all.
6.5

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
24-07-2015
6

A mixture of overly dramatic cheap cinematic tricks and shallow acting

Highlights of the movie are the battles at sea, which are rather convincing. Perhaps also somewhat interesting in terms of historical information about this legendary dutch admiral, or for people familiar with the locations this movie was filmed ( I recently visited Vlissingen myself).
6

47 Ronin

A bunch of samurai revenging their master
average 6.2

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-09-2014
7

Classic Samurai tale, but not as exciting as it could be

Loaded with beautiful and colorful Japanese scenery, folklore and tradition. Should satisfy Samurai enthusiasts. I wasn't really sucked in though, perhaps because there's no clear character to focus on.
7

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
06-05-2014
5.5

Even one hundred samurai could not have saved this movie

Mythical Japanese story presented as cinematic fairytale with overly dramatic and generally unconvincing acting. Every now and then some nice special effects to keep the bored viewer slightly entertained....
5.5

The Da Vinci Code

Historian gets involved in relic hunt and cat and mouse game involving dark religious groups trying to cover up our past
average 6.2

RockmeNow
RockmeNow
30-12-2014
6

I liked the book slightly more

Shallow movie with un unconvincing chain of events and rather lame acting. Some nice cinematic shots every now and then, but not enough to keep a serious critic like myself happy ;)
6

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
30-12-2014
6.5

Too far fetched

Some might enjoy this modern puzzle into ancient symbols, but I found it hard to buy into the endless array of plot conveniences and over smart people constantly being at the right time and place to solve the next far fetched piece of the over elaborate puzzle.
6.5

Rampage

Retired military man running a gorilla shelter, must save the city form mutated monster animals.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
24-11-2019
6.5

Fine for what it is

Based a a videogame with no story to speak of, this movie came it surprisingly well (as in: this could have been much much worse). It's a mindless but fun action blockbuster like most Dwayne Johnson movies, and it works well enough as long as your expectations are realistic.
6.5

The Predator

The predators are coming back to earth. The good, the bad and the loony try to deal with it.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2019
6.5

Too much over the top nonsense stuff, taking away the magic

It was good to hear the predator music again, but not the rather cringe worthy lines delivered by the cliched and over the top characters in this movie. How did the biologist turn into a skilled commando instantly? The spacedogs - I don't know... just too many things not quite right in here.
6.5

The Void

Policeman and some citizins are trapped in a hospital. Oustide await robed knife yielding people, but inside awaits even more dangerous and grotesque horrors.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
12-04-2023
6.5

Good scares and filth, but a bit directionless

A pretty interesting and sinister horror, with a good atmosphere and some satisfying creature abominations. But without people to really connect with, and without a clear story or resolution to any of it, it kind of feels like a pointless freak show that can only terrify for so long.
6.5

Dummie de Mummie en de tombe van Achnetoet

After a Dutch children's book, in which a family takes their fostered mummy-son to Egypt so he can find his roots

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-11-2017
6.5

A save harmless watch for the kids

A mellow, save and relaxed story with some adventure and giggles but nothing too crazy.
6.5

1899

A ship with migrants find another ship that went missing, and it all gets stranger and stranger from there

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-12-2022
6.5

A potential gem plagued by avoidable problems

This almost is a successful, super mysterious puzzler with an intense atmosphere, but I found it was let down too much by one-trick pony characters that become parodies of themselves, infuriatingly ineffective communication and strange decisions and logic throughout. The events even felt improvised.
6.5

The Deep Ones

Couple rents a place by the sea, but the strange hosts soon drag them into strange rituals involving some sea entity (Cthulhu!)

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-07-2021
6.5

Not scary, but perhaps that wasn't the point. An ode to horror?

Acting and camera work is so clunky that it sometimes feels like you're watching porn. But when I also heard the 50's classic 'whistle' mystery music style I began to suspect they were aiming for a certain atmosphere. It sort of works: it's campy and entertaining. But scary or intense, it is not
6.5

Black Snake Moan

When a devout Christan, ex-blues musician, finds an unconscious nymphomanic girl on his street, he takes her in to learn her better ways

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-08-2023
6.5

I saw through it

Maybe I was in a bad mood or something, but it felt a bit phony and forced down your throat: Their developing friendship, the characters, the Southern blues atmosphere - all so self-aware and self-content. Still, with these actors, there is plenty left to enjoy.
6.5

The Osiris Child

Pilot must save his daughter from a planet overrun by vicious beasts

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
08-04-2019
6.5

Bits and pieces

At times this has some pretty graphics, some decent acting and some passable action scenes. But if also features some annoying characters to ruin things, and as a whole felt a bit directionless, and empty.
6.5

The Interview

Dodgy network channel gets the chance to interview the leader of North Korea, and are asked by the CIA to kill him in the progress

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-02-2015
6.5

Another okay-ish comedy

Given the the actors, plot and possibilties, I expected more of this. Besides a few laughs, there's also very long periods with not much in it, and the movie can be hysteric and a bit embarrassing at times.
6.5

The Kill Team

A soldier situated in Afghanistan comes into conflict with himself and his squad when they appear do unprovoked assassinations.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
31-12-2021
6.5

Wish I felt it more, but adept

I am not sure how realistic this was, and found the sergeant a little too wacky to be credible. But overall the story kept my attention and did a reasonable at depicting the dilemma of loyalty versus morals - although I do think they could have hit harder.
6.5

Evil Dead (2013)

Kids go into the woods to rehab a friend Then they find a book and unwillingly release hell.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
14-06-2015
6.5

Slashing that still leaves you indifferent

As a cabin slasher it appeared solid and effective, yet I couldn't really get scared or excited by it. Characters too dull and silly, story too well known.
6.5

Troll

A paleontologist (?) works with the government to prevent an accidentally awoken troll to thrash Oslo.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
06-12-2022
6.5

Only the monster is unique

Trolls are nice monsters for a change, and I somehow expected this to have a Nordic class of restraint, mysticism and folklore. Instead, they went with a full-on Hollywood blockbuster monster-movie vibe, with all the tired cliches and annoyances that come with it. Like you've already seen it.
6.5

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Warriors are gathered to fight other warriors in another realm

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
19-06-2021
6.5

A step closer to a good videogame movie

With a promising beginning, overall high production standards, appearance of several game characters and even some fatalities (which are oddly more gutting in the game than in the movie) this was close to an actual decent game movie. But the dull, flat characters and story again let it down badly.
6.5

Calvaire

A man seek shelter at a French auberge, which turns horrific when the owner strats to claim him as if he were someone else.

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
20-07-2023
6.5

Nasty, but not in a good way

There's potential here for quiet a nasty, slowly consuming horror/thriller - you might even say it is one. But for me personally, I found the protagonist too stiff, everything a bit filthy and weird so it was hard to feel involved or empathize about it.
6.5

Gerald's Game

In an isolated vacation home, a man ties his wife to the bed for sexy times, then dies of a heartattack

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
15-08-2020
6.5

Not as unbearable as I hoped for

A bold idea, but the lead actress was unable to convey her dread and dismay to the screen, the dialogue with her 'ghosts' seemed a bit childish and like a play, and the twist at the very end seemed unnecessary and farfetched.
6.5

Oculus

Brother and sister try to get even with a mysticial mirror that causes supernatural drama and terror in their childhood

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-09-2014
6.5

Some scares, a lot of annoyances

They sure know how to do good scares, and there's some nice ideas for the story framework as well. But the present-past alternations gets tiresome quickly, and I was totally put off by the analytical, cold and utterly unconvincing attitude and going-about of the (present day) sister.
6.5

Blue is the Warmest Color (La Vie d'Adèle)

Girl becomes lesbian

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
21-02-2016
6.5

Beautiful but too long and too slow

You have to admire how the gorgeous lead actrices carry this story with beautifully authentic acting. But everything takes so freaking long in this movie, everything is so spread out that in the end even the intimate love scenes started to bore me.
6.5

The Mandalorain, season 3

Mando and friends try to reclaim and reinhabit their homeworld

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
05-05-2023
6.5

Kind of done with this, but very pretty nonetheless

I am done with the dumb-ass, endlessly repeated creed, the preposterous helmet policy (yet still they celebrate with diner?), and once you have mini Mandalorians with mini mando-helmets you're killing lore. And yet, this series still excels at showing many Starwars elements in all of their glory.
6.5

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Various involved people talk you through the horrible contents of the videotapes of a sadistic serial killer

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
13-01-2019
6.5

Nicely set up, but what for?

The fact that I looked up whether this was based on a true story means it was somewhat convincing and it definitely has it's moments, but overall it felt mostly like torture porn of the kind that makes you wonder why you are watching it. But perhaps that's always the case with torture porn.
6.5

Iron Sky

Not realizing the war is over, the nazis on the dark side of the moon are preparing an invasion of earth

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
09-02-2014
6.5

They should have gone crazier

Smart ideas and very smart looks, but ultimately it lacks the inspiration to really succeed as either a comedy or action adventure. A b-ish flavour remains. They should have gone whack.
6.5

Possum

A man tries to get rid of a horrendous puppet

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
28-01-2023
6.5

A respectable but not entirely succesful oddity

An oddball, slightly experimental film that is pretty close to being fascinatingly disturbing. However, for that it needed more truly intense moments, perhaps some more depth in the story, and perhaps most importantly: a bit more speed, as it sometimes almost comes to a standstill.
6.5

Approaching the Unknown

A skilled engineer and solo astronaut must handle numerous challenges during his the voyage to Mars

Wittenberg
Wittenberg
03-11-2016
6.5

Sober scifi with a few letdowns.

It has a lot going for it, like a nice techy (but not necessarily realistic) theme and a pleasant, sober approach that doesn't do cheap thrills. On the downside, the main actor is not really sympathetic, and the single 'capcom' guy plainly sitting behind a desk was just silly and cheap.
6.5

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